I need advice
I just dont know where to begin. I have been married for almost 2 years and i am at my wits end. After being married for only 2 months I found out that my husband is 1600 dollars behind on childsupport for his daughter. He never told me. I ended up paying it for him and have regretted it ever since. On top of that he was layed off for 5 months, not even trying to find something else to do. So i ended up having to help pay his truck note and his monthly child support payments on top of what i had already payed. Now you would think he would be greatful and when his daughter was here make her mind and respect me. But oh no. She is perfect, or at least to hear him say it. I have two children myself from a previous marriage and i make them respect me and make them follow certain rules. But when his daughter is with us(which is for 1-5 weeks at a time depending on when she comes, because she lives in another state), he lets her get away with everything. I dont think it is far for him to Let her get away with things that my two kids know they would get in trouble for. Also this is my house. I had before we got married. All he brought to the marriage was his clothes and his bills and his brat. My 15 year old daughter even moved in with her dad because she cant stand to be anywhere near my SD when she is here and my 8 year old son just has nothing to do with her. Every time i even look at her all i can think is i took money from my kids to pay for a child that is not mine. Yes i understand the child has nothing to do with that but that is how i feel. I cant even stand to hear her name spoken. Other things she does: if i get onto her she whines to her dad and then both of them pout like they are 2. If i tell her no her dad tells her ok and then she sticks her tongue out at me or gives me a smirky grin. But the biggest thing, and my pet peeve. i have taught my kids that you do not interupt two adults talking unless it is an emergency. We cant even have a conversation without her interupting. It has gotten so bad, that when she is here I take extra hours and shifts at the hospital i work at just so i dont have to be there. I cant stand when she is there. Also on top of all this, I found out that he has not 1, not 2, but 4 credit cards in collections from his previous marriage that he didnt bother telling me about. I honestly just need some feed back. I have gotten to where I cant sleep, and have headaches all the time which gets worse when I know its time for her to come back. By the way, she will be here tomorrow for a week for thanksgiving. Thank God Im working
Separate your finances, don't
Separate your finances, don't pay any of his bills and let him go down in financial flames including his unpaid child support. If it gets bad enough, divorce him. If he will not engage in your marriage as an equity partner remember, not your kid, not your problem.
File you taxes separately and if you have returns that are being held for CS arrears file for inujured spouse relief so that you can at least get some of your return money.
Shen SD is visiting YOUR home (You pay the bills, he does not contribute it is YOUR home. He is merely a resident) let DH know that there are rules and they will be inforced and if does not, you will. He has a choice. Enforce the household rules or STFU. Period.
Equity partnership in a marriage does not necessarily mean that both spouses work and earn an income. One can be a home maker and be the primary care giver for any children in the home while the other is the earner and anywhere in between those to end points. One thing that equity partnership does not entail is financial secrets and mismanagment on the part of one SO and full responsibility on the part of the other.
Time to grab DH by a big old handful of crotch sack and let him know in no uncertain terms what exactly he will do and when exactly he will do it or he will be out and so will his spawn. Sometimes clarity and the facts are the only way to deal with dillusional people.
It sounds to me from your origninal post that you are at a point where clarity and smacking him about the head and shoulders with the facts of his idiot financial condition are in order.
IMHO of course.
With all the lying and hiding
With all the lying and hiding he's done... Personally, I'd be done and would be finding me a good divorce lawyer.
That's my advice, a good
That's my advice, a good divorce lawyer. Why are you sacrificing time with your kids for this??????????
i agree, divorce
i agree, divorce
My marriage started out like
My marriage started out like that as well...horrible. What I learned was that as much as I thought I was demanding he get a job and help...I was really enabling him by taking care of everything myself. So my suggestion would be to look closely at the situation and stop enabling him to be a loser. I am in no way pointing my finger at you! You are being a good wife here...but you need to be more like a drill sergeant right now. Tell him "you either get a job by Friday (or in two weeks or whatever) or you are moving out". And then FOLLOW THROUGH. You must enforce the consequences. The next ultimatum could be "you either pay your own child support or you are moving out". You could also be easier on him with consequences if you don't think you would really kick him out...such as make him sleep on the couch or no TV or whatever. The key is doing what you say you will do so he stops playing you and sees you are serious. You will probably feel like his mother which will likely be a huge turnoff, but that is what he needs right now. He might threaten to leave you...remain emotionless and say "okay" or that you don't want him to but you also don't want to be married to a fourth child or whatever. As long as he continues to use you, you will continue to be resentful. He CAN grow up...he just needs a good swift kick in the you-know-what.