I think I am losing my mind
My life is like a soap opera.
I have a common law bf of 6 yrs whom I have lived with for just over 5yrs. I have a 23yr old son who lives on his own and have two darling spoiled stepkids (the son by the fathers mother-he was her 1st grand child and the daughter by my bf). The boy was conceived out of wedlock and my bfs parents believed his gf was messing around and the child wasnt his. My bf did the right thing and married her...they were wed 9yrs when she got the need to sew wild oats and packed her things, getting her own place leaving both kids in the home here with him. She had a 3 bedroom apt but D (my bf) had them most of the time...she only wanted them when it was convient to her. There never has been set days the kids go to her place so we have to play things by ear when we have our free time. Right now its a few evenings at night but she dont want them there til 8 or 9pm...how do we spend time together? He refuses a babysitter and feels he isnt a good father if he spends time without them. So we forfeit our time for the kids. The ex always makes him feel bad if he tries to "not be daddy"...but she wont be mommy. (***please read my profile on here for more)The mother spends every weekend away and we have the kids, which isnt fare specially after she left the town here and lived in the states for 3yrs with her bf of the time..was only going to be 3 months she told us.
Ever since she came back my life has be pure hell yet D dont see this... he thinks I am over reacting and just lately I seem to be lying about everything that comes out of my mouth. As the kids say the opposite of whatever I say in a situation. I mean, if the parents dont believe the kids who will stand up for the kid? Of course the parent will always protect the kids. But yet he dont see how they are playing all of us off the other...the mother sees this and plays with it. Enforcing all little pieces of things the kids say and telling them to "tell your dad" and then telling him "obviously she is lying and he is a bad father to doubt his own kids who try to talk to him about things!"
I, trust me, I have video taped things that have happened and rather than hear them (as me doing so is invading their privacy) he walks away or yells at me...he pushes me futher away.
I really am at a loss to what to do. I wonder all the time if I waited too long to "do something about it" as I have kept quiet about "the little things" til just a few yrs ago. I mean they were little til the ex came back and has blown everything open...EVERYTHING little thing apart.
I feel like I live in a soap opera...I just hate the part I am playing now...it wasnt the one I read the part for. I have always been a quiet, shy person who kept in the background in places. Did my part and never drew attention to herself...now with all this I feel I am centre stage. He has changed-use to be a loving, romantic, passionate, and caring man. And I cant use one of them anymore to discribe him as sad as it seems. He is annoying, childlike, selfish and mean to me. This is infront of the kids...not sure why he cant talk to someone about things, have them byist and help him see things hes not. But he wont.
I am at a loss as to what to do about the kids...I thought about ignoring them-doing things for myself, buy things for myself and taking care of myself. I have started...bought this laptop. Told D when I bought it that the selfish kids are NOT going to use it no matter what. They both have their own but never let me once use theirs when our computer was out for repairs. I had to walk everyday to the library (4 blocks) to read emails from my son. They are BOTH upset I wont let them but such is luck...how do you like your own medicine? Bitter isnt it? lol
I don't think it is a matter
I don't think it is a matter of you have waited too long. It is just the longer you wait, the harder it is but it is never too late. Standing your ground, taking back your self respect and your pride is never easy, especially after it has been eroded away over several years. But in your case the laptop is step one, coming here step two, so you are on your way.
Firstly, if you said they cannot use the laptop, then under no circumstances should they use it. Make sure it is passworded so DH cannot let them use it in your abscence. Whatever you do, now that you have said this, do not back down and if they have to walk 4 blocks to the library for homework or to google some life threating health condition they have
Oh well, life can be hard sometimes best you learn that while you are young.
I don't know how old the SK's are so whether you can disengage or not is dependend on how old they are I think. After all it is not their fault they are spoilt brats, so punishing them for the mistakes of their parents isn't fair, however, you having to suffer the consequences of their bad parents isn't fair either. so if the kids are young, do what you have to do for them without taking on all the responsibility, and do not take any crap. Make a decision about when BM sees them and do it at a time frame that suits you also. If DH says she wants them at 8 or 9 and he thinks that's okay, well how about you make a dinner engagement with friends for a night when she is having them, then you rock up at 7 or so, and DH can turn up when he drops the kids off at mum's convenience. Doesn't have to be that, but just start not being so easy going and understanding were BM is concerned, it is okay to fit in with her sometimes, but not every time.
Just think about what you want and start making the moves towards it. You deserve to be treated with consideration too. So, start expecting and demanding it.
The worst that can happen is DH will threaten to leave, so ask yourself what do you really want before you do anything. If you really cannot live with this, then stand up for yourself not with yelling and fighting or making ultimatums, just say NO sometimes. It seems to be a common theme that when we finally stand up to them, when we have had so much we would rather say go than live with the crap, these guys suddenly do a back flip and remember they have a wife and things start to change. BUT it is not easy. So, just think things through take care of yourself and do not be a doormat for anyone not even DH. Because the trouble with being a doormat is everyone wants one, but no one loves one.