I think my husband might be getting to used to the fact that I am a potential "doormat"
When my husband and I were dating, he always apologized to me when our dates had to be cancled due to his parenting duty schedule. I thought it was sweet, showed that he valued me and considered me as a very important person in his life.
Now, we have been married for two + years, I think my husband all of sudden had this astonishing sense of entitlement issue. First of all, he felt absolutely no problems TELLING me "it is time for sd7 to go to bed." "I have a business meeting, so I need you to pick sd7 up from school." "sd7's mom called and sd7 came down with a flu, remind her to take her meds."
I know I am his wife, but I am no doormat or a servant. STEP MOTHER is not a MOTHER. I am not responsible for HIS parental duty. If he wants to ask me to do him a favor, it won't kill him to say, "Please, thank you, I am sorry, but..."
I had a talk with him this morning, and his response, "Oh, Honey, I don't know you have issues with the way I talk to you regarding sd7. But isn't she your daughter too? I thought this is what married couple do. Raise a family TOGETHER."
Duh, my dh and I have a bio son, and I have no problems taking care of whatever duty I need to take care of, matter of fact, I crave for the one on one time spent with my son. I have no problems with my sd7, I like the kid, but she is not mine, and will never be mine. I don't want to be a glorified babysitter for HER. she is still my husband's responsibility.
I feel he has changed, just because we are now married couple, it doesn't mean romance should die down, it doesn't mean he can expect me being a doormat.
Your thoughts?
You had me at "Oh, Honey, I
You had me at "Oh, Honey, I don't know you have issues with the way I talk to you regarding sd7. But isn't she your daughter too?". What was your reply???
He needs you to remind him that it was NOT you who pushed HIS child out!
Remind him that was not your
Remind him that was not your hooha where he deposited his sperm.
I think you need to change
I think you need to change some of your responses to him. "It's time for SD to go to bed"? Okay, that's nice. Enjoying putting her to bed DH.
"I have a meeting and I need you to pick SD up" I'm sorry DH, that doesn't work for me. I have a previous commitment.
"Remind SD to take her meds" Sorry DH, I'm not comfortable taking responsibility for your daughter's medical needs.
And when he says things like "I thought she was your daughter too" you need to correct him. She's not your daughter. You are happy to do him favors when he asks Politely and is appreciative. But she's not your child. He dipped his wick in someone else's vat and he can't magic that away. You care for her, you are okay with helping him out, but he needs to understand that you're doing him a favor and put that sense of entitlement away. If you're just doing what he Tells you to do, he'll continue. You need to talk to him and then change your responses.
It pisses me off how us step
It pisses me off how us step moms have no say in court n yet we are the ones who freaking have to take care of these kids ss if they were ours.. i also dont have a problem with my sd but the fact that we act like their parents n get no credit for it does piss me off.. we do it cause we want too not cause its our responsibility, my hubby does appreciated n if he didnt n tslked to me like urs did. There would b a MAJOR problem!
He's obviously taking you for
He's obviously taking you for granted and you've got to over-react the opposite way to counter this trent. Tell him you've grown weary of doing all the work. "Parenting" does not mean the woman does it all.
As others have suggested simply refuse to do those chores specifically involving her. Of course the girl will eat with everyone but he can give her a bath. The laundry must be done but he can sort and fold her clothing. Everyone goes to the park but he pushes the swing.
Etc etc and all of this can be done without making it obvious to the girl that she's being treated differently as while all this is going on you're busy taking care of the little one.
Tell him a new day has dawned, and dictate to him what is going to change and follow through with it.
My DH and I got married in
My DH and I got married in April and a lot has changed since then for us too. My DH also has the entitled attitude like he is God's gift and everyone should just be thankful for him to be in their presence. Puke. He makes comments about us being a family and about SD being our daughter and crap like that too. I don't have any bios of my own but I do want kids so when he makes comments like that I have to correct him because I don't want him thinking I am content caring for someone else's kid and not having one of my own. I would definitely recommend you correcting your DH when he says SD is your daughter and just flat out tell him you aren't going to be doing all those parenting duties he is asking of you. Not your kid, not your problem. I hardly do anything for SD. I used to do a lot, but no one appreciated it, so they can all kiss my @$$!
I think it is very common for
I think it is very common for men to shift their parental duties onto their wives.
Just say "no".
My husband didn't expect me to take care of his daughter, but sometimes he wanted me to do mother/daughter things with her. I did sometimes, but I told him she has a mother (albeit not a great one) and I was not it. I chose not to have kids for a reason. Her weekend visits were to spend time with HIM.