I told DH to stop reminding his adult daughter to wish me a happy birthday
Every mother's day and birthday he reminds her to wish me a happy birthday. He denies ever "having to remind her", but this year he sent me a screen shot proving that her messages aren't sending... but directly above it her messages it shows him sending her a remind her. I just gently told him that i appreciate him caring enough to remind her, but that she's an adult and if she wants to send me a happy birthday, that she would. That telling her that she should makes it less heartfelt. That it should come from her WANTING to send it... now he's telling me that she's always sent it unprompted before. I think he thinks that it hurts my feelings, but it doesn't... it makes me laugh that they try to keep up this charade of "sd cares about anyone other than herself" i know she doesn't, and i don't take it personally.
I still get reminders
And I give them too! My siblings and I always remind each other of the family birthdays. A quick "Hey it's Mom's/Dad's/Sister's/Brother's birthday today" from whomever remembers first! We all care about our family, but we all get busy and forget. If she genuinely didn't want to say Happy Birthday, she'd "lose" her phone the day before and wouldn't get the message until it was too late. The fact that she's texting you is a reflection of her Dad. He taught her to be polite. The fact that you acted as a parent to her is also a reflection of her Dad (you did what you did for your spouse).
Be glad that you have such a polite, even if superficial level of caring, family.
Oh honey, she doesn't forget,
Oh honey, she doesn't forget, she had a memory like a steal trap. This girl only tells me happy birthday because she knows DH well ask me later if she has. And she wants to be seen as this caring living person... i went to her graduation, got family pictures with her and DH... DH also got pictures with BM... guess who's picture DIDN'T make the cut.... mine... she RARELY comes to visits, only if there's going to be gifts for her... she lies about me... she manipulates situations so that i look like the bad guy... trust me, she doesn't want to wish me happy birthday, if she DID she'd put it in her calendar, and wish meeeee a happy birthday, heck she'd come to VISIT in my birthday, if she really wanted... but no, for the past 11 years, i get "happy birthday" and that's the only think she ever texts me. If i ask her a question or tell her something over text it's either a straight "yes", "no", or "k" in the past 2 years She's only been here for Christmas day, Easter (actually the day after, because she'd rather spend the day of with her mom) , and her birthday... to recieve gifts
I would try to focus on the
I would try to focus on the fact that if he IS reminding her.. it's coming from a good intent in his heart. His daughter may or may not care to remember.. but in the end.. it's not like you can't quickly scroll past it.. when asked.. "yes she did".. and just let it go.
Trust me i told him that I
Trust me i told him that I appreciate that HE cares enough to remind her, but that it cheapens the sentiment from her saying it. That if she wanted to say it, she would. And yes, for the past 11 years i just scroll past and when he asks, i tell him yes, she sent a text. I just want him to know, it doesn't hurt my feelings if she doesn't, and i do appreciate him
"...her messages aren't
"...her messages aren't sending..."
She's receiving his messages, but her messages to you 'aren't sending'. Strange. If she doesn't have you blocked, she may block you temporarily to make herself look good then boohoo to Daddy that she made the effort.
Anyway.... nice that he cares, but she's an adult. He cannot force a relationship. "That's nice, dear."
Exactly my mentality on it.
Exactly my mentality on it. It is so sweet that he cares enough about me to get her to send me a happy birthday... but in the end, she's an adult, and if she wants to send me a text, cool, if not, that's OK... i care just about as much as i care about the old lady down the street wishing me a happy birthday... i think her name is judith? Lol
I Did This
for a couple of years when the kids' dad re-coupled. I reminded them to send card/greetings to their SM on her birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc. Also for my DH. Then they took over...no more reminders needed.
DH tried this with his crew. If I can remember correctly, I think he asked them to "greet" me on Mother's Day. Their response was, "she's not our mom." Not sure what the response was when he wanted them to send birthday greetings. I think they said they would and then did not. Regardless, That was when I knew DH needed to stop that behavior. First, they are correct. I am not their mom. Second, if I'm not their mom, then why am I doing "mom" duties for that crew???? So, adjustments were made, boundaries were set and DH was told to STOP asking for something I DO NOT WANT and his kids clearly did not want to do anyway.
Your SD is an adult and after all those reminders, if she can't do it on her own, then it's not worth the time it takes her to text it after the reminder. If your DH can't stop, then do as another person said, "oh that's nice, dear" and leave it at that. Not worth getting upset over in the big picture of BS we have to put up with in StepHell.
Not a complex issue IMHO.
Not a complex issue IMHO. Rude shit children, are rude shit children.
"Happy Birthday" is polite behavior.
"HMD" is also polite behavior. SM is Step Mother. So, "HMD" is appropriate and polite. Same for "HFD" for a Step Father.
Wishing someone a happy holiday, whatever that holiday may be, is just polite.
Parents of quality do not tolerate their progeny being rude shit children. Or rude shit adults.
I am 59 and if I was a rude shit, my parents would have no issue jerking a knot in my tail.
IMHO.