Our BM calmed down for awhile after her and her GF broke up. She's back to alot of her bs but she now gets to deal with the GF still, as the GF had a baby during their relationship and now she has EOW with the little girl. And the GF pulls alot of the same bs to her.. KARMA!!!

I thnk that it depends upon the type of person BM is with. BM in our case was married for about 8 years to a very mean guy who seemed to thrive on the anomosity as did all of her relatives. They lived to disect our every act or word and used the skids as pawns against us! I predicted a few years after they were married that when this guy took all he could get from her (moneywise) he would dump her and I was right! It happended exactly like I predicted! We had known for years that he was cheating on her. BM seemed to get a little better after he left but it did not last long. Her nastiness resumed and she is back stirring up as much garbage as she can and using skids ( now adults) against us once again. When I say I hope she gets a life so she can get out of mine I quess I am delusional that she would ever attract a nice guy who would encourage or bring out her better side. Unfortunately for us I don't think that she attracts nice guys and there is no good side to bring out!!!

It is what it is!

I wonder? Our BM gets bitchier when she "has a man" but is more absorbed in her personal dramas and has less time to make our lives hell so it does seem to help a little. For our own peace and happiness, I would love it if BM would find a man willing to be with her and she might be able to let go of her obsession over my husband and I and finally get an effing life. Unfortunately, three weeks has been the longest she has been able to hang on to a boyfriend, since H left her, so my hopes aren't very high.

H and I have actually talked about this and we were trying to figure out if there could possibly be a halfway decent man out there who would want to be with her? She's fine at picking up disgusting barflies who are willing to put up with her for a week or so because like the dumb cow that she is, she will give the milk away to pretty much anyone willing to come near her saggy udders. For the skids sake, we want a guy that will be good for them, but given my personal opinion of her, she doesn't deserve to be with a nice person and I can't think why a normal, nice guy would ever want to be saddled to her? H and I concluded that in a best possible scenario, some fairly decent, but physically repulsive guy with a hero complex would come along and due to compassion and sadomasochism want to take on the train wreck that is BM and her life. BM is physically revolting, ugly, overweight and does not groom or maintain herself at all. That is her physical appearance. Her personality, which in many "unattractive" physically people makes them attractive, is completely flat and boring. She is shockingly stupid, has no interests, no hobbies, no enthusiasm, just nothing. She graduated from high school with a D/C average and dropped out of college with a D average across the board. On top of being one of the most stupid, flat, and boring humans i've ever known, she doesn't have any redeeming characteristics emotionally that could save her and make her slightly more attractive. She is jealous, two-faced, bitchy, mean, careless and lacking any empathy for anyone other than herself. All of this added up makes for a pretty gross and revolting human being. On top of all this, she is a single mom to two special needs kids that she has absolutely no control over and is unable to parent them adequately. What guy would take all that on????!!

I am not the only one who sees this and her dating track record and the comments made by her ex's speak for themselves. I believe all people have the potential to improve themselves in every way, but it takes the courage to change and a lot of hard work and effort, none of which she has ever exhibited to my or H's knowledge.

Pretty sad. I wish she would get a soul/body/personality makeover and find some poor fool to take her on and deflect her obsession to anything other than H and our marriage! Well, as my dad used to say, "wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster..."

The cougar has had different men on and off during my realtionship with FDH. She still gives us as much (sometimes more) crap with the man as she does without.
I personally dont think she is over FDH, b/c anytime she has a problem (ie. work, b/f trouble, her health issues, her adult son "calling her names" she calls crying literally, anytime she wants attention).
Her current b/f has never seen the "other side" of her. We can tell when he's around b/c she acts all nice and sweet, but as soon as he leaves she will call ranting and raving.
Sometimes I wish she would just move to the other side of the world(and never come back) where her cell phone wouldnt work.

Countdown till SS is 18!!

So far, so good for our situation.

BM is pregnant again and got married! She won't let the kids tell us but we found out anyhow.

According to her due date, she must have gotten pregnant within a week after her grandson was born. I guess she felt like my SD and her baby were getting too much attention!

Anyway, we have a "no contact" order unless an emergency in our CO so I am not sure of her day-to-day attitude but her letters, texts and phone calls (breaking the CO) have decreased dramatically.

We are just praying that she hangs onto this guy for another two years or so until both kids are over 18!!

I wouldn't know. In the two years DH and I have been together she hasn't had a BF. She was in the middle of splitting up with her youngest baby's daddy. They never lived together and it was a quick relationship - Met in January, Pregnant in March, Baby in September, Split by December all in the same year.

DH says he thinks part of the reason she's been relatively calm with dealing with us is because all of her venom is focused on the baby's daddy. She was stalking him pretty hard core, driving to his other GF's house, Driving by his house all hours of the day, etc. He finally got a RO on her.

I am curious to see how she is when she has a BF around. Not too sure how likely that is to happen in this lifetime but we shall see.

This is an issue that will either be a gawd send or a nightmare for DH and I…

DH and Mother Russia have been apart almost two years and in that time she has only had a few dates here and there… while we hope and pray that she finds love and companionship (so she won’t rely on DH for so many “man” issues… “come change house air filters… the garbage disposal is broke… garage door no work… you fix” and he always does… “for the kids!”) she’s going about it in a very scary manor.

All she does is troll the internet for rich, single, (more often than not) immigrant men that tend to live on the west coast of the US. For a while I thought she was playing it safe… dating men far enough away to be “vacation dates” but maintaining enough distance so she wouldn’t really be putting herself out there to be hurt. But now I’m just afraid one of these long distance relationships will “stick” and she’ll either try to move the boys across the country or DH and I will AGAIN be forced into pulling up stakes and moving our asses just to accommodate HER.

I wish her happiness… but not at the total disruption of our lives… kinda selfish, but there it is.

Nope, doesnt matter. BM is just as controlling, narcissitic, and just plain mean with or without a BF... Actually, seems to be a bit worse when BF is in her life as opposed to when they are broke up.

I PRAY that our BM stays with her current BF FOREVER... because she is one that MUST have somebody cater to her every whim and I know that if she did not have a BF, she would expect MY hubby to take care of her and use SS as a guilt trip.

I swear she knows how to make everything SHE wants sound like it benefits SS somehow...

"I need a new car becuase if my car breaks down, I'd have no way to get SS to school etc."
(I'd also have no way to get to my cult classes 3 days a week, coffee with friends, shopping..)
"I need $ for SS school clothes, if you don't give me some, he'll have to go without"
(If I have to buy SS school clothes, I will have to go without, coffee, dinner, new clothes...)

I mean seriously I tell my hubby that she might as well say "I need you to wipe my ass, because if you don't then SS will have to smell my nasty butt" because in her twilight zone world of logic he should be jumping up and down to "do it for SS"... Ugh I hate her!

It doesn't matter in my case...the bitch still calls MY BF to fix her car, borrow money, fix things in her house, ect. Very frustrating. Can't he see that by catering to her he looks like a chump and not a nice guy like he thinks. I got really upset the other day...the other day he called her and I heard him say...."so you and your sister both have terrible boyfriends, well I wasn't terrible...remember it was you who left me not me who left you" Do you know how low I felt at that moment? I don't really know why but it bothered me and made me think that he is trying to make her see what she is missing and maybe make her want him back. Maybe I am wrong but that is what it made me feel like.

I don't think anything has changed between me and my exh since I've been with the bf. If anything he's probably seeing a calmer/nicer me Or more like i dont' worry anymore if my ex doesn't make more attempts to have relationship with his kids...as they do receive lots of attention from my bf.

As for his ex-we are hoping she will find someone...but my ex seems to think based on her demanding/controlling personality nothing will ever stick-she knew she had a good man w/my bf and she blew it. She is stuck in not getting over it unfortunately. A part of me seems to think she IS trying to move on-the texts aren't as they were...she accepts he's with me, doesn't badmouth me that i know of, she's trying to lose weight, she's going on some dates.

In one hand-I hesitate to judge a single parent that decides to date/not date, be in a relationship or not.

I've kind of seen that on this board-many nasty comments about "well nobody would date her" or "she screws everyone" or "she barhops" etc.

So if you don't mind-let me present the "other side" of why/how it works with BM's sometimes (if you care to know that is lol).

For me-I had no interest in ever remarrying again-I had no interest in relationships. I had been severly abused for years-was angry, heartbroken, upset, bitter, man hating, fearful. I had no interest in being tied down to anyone and just wanted to have fun and pass time. It was FREEDOM time. No word rings more true then that one. I was free...and I was going to exploit that freedom-ha!

So I did...I had friends w/bennies, casual encounters, dated at times. The first I'd say 3-4yrs was like this. I went out a lot, dancing, bars, drank a lot, partied, hung out w/my friends. I was 20 when I married, never dated anyone else-and after that controlling/abusive man you bet I was in high heaven finally living my life, dating around, 'spreading my oats' if you will. I was 29-just starting my life over, and got to do things I never was able to do before. Even if it was after when it was supposed to be..by golly I made up for it and I have NO regrets.

I feel no remorse for it-nor sure ANY women be condemned for it just like any man shoudln't be condemned for it. We have a right to be happy and live our lives fully...and as long as it's NOT harming the kids or neglecting the kids then adults can do as they please free of judgement.

I used protection-didn't lie to anyone and went in honestly as to what I wanted. I had every right as a SINGLE-ADULT WOMAN (I'm not only a mom) to live my life and have fun. I wasn't a drug addict...I wasn't a skank...but I had my share of fun w/the mens, with my friends and going out of town or out for the night

Granted...I never EVER brought guys to my house or to meet the kids-I didn't talk to the boys about dates-they were young I could have my personal life EOW or the ocassional week night and that was it. I had no intentions of exposing my kids to guys knowing I wasn't ready for a serious relationship/comittment before I was done working on myself. I never neglected my responsibilities as a parent to them because of going out or dates, etc. They came first, period....whatever smidgen of time I did have for myself... I lived life fully. I did not ask my exh to have them extra time-or pawn them off on anyone. So I had to distinct sides to me. Full time serious mom--- and party, fun, go grab the world by the horns single woman.

And that shoudln't be anything ANYBODY judges-not even an exh's new gf or wife. I thought it best to not introduce any guys or have relationship because my focus was on healing, and on raising my boys w/out interference..a relationship would have messed that up. I was/am attractive, smart, have a career, have good looking/nice kids, my own home, my family isn't dysfunctional, my family of origin (parents siblings) are great, i'm outgoing, kind, generous, passionate, well traveled, speak two languages, have great pets, have a great circle of friends, can cook well, enjoy giving and talking to my friends...my dating around and not having a relationship wasn't because "nobody would stick" it was because it was my choice for our family at the time(the boys and I).

The other very true reality for single moms (which was fine for me at the time)....most guys do NOT want to seriously date or marry a single mom-you have more chance the other way around, sure...but it's rare I'm telling you. VERY rare. Guys tend to shy away big time from kids from another man. They like to date single moms, because many aren't interested in relationships-so the single mom...we're fun, light, casual, sexy, have a great time but you only get to know ONE aspect of us-we keep our family life seperate and most of the time that's how the guys want it
We are two different people sometimes and most guys like the "fun" part of us only.

I've had my share of FUN times which I will never regret, I met some wonderful men, I took trips with my kids and alone, I worked on myself, on my career, I focused on raising my boys alone. I would also go months at a time w/out any dating our sex in between (well BOB was great but other then that). By choice. I've remained on good terms with every single guy I dated. That should tell you something. Some of them are still my dear friends. They still speak highly of me-i've never acted crazy or did anything to have them run. Typically it was a mutually agreed decision to part ways and move on.

I had one serious relationship before this one but it lasted less then a year-long distance. I chose my kids and have them remain close to their father/my family and would not uproot them for a man. And since then I strongly opposed long distance relationships for single parents. Also I can't say I was truly in love with him. I've been infatuated, , really liked, even thought in love...but nothing has ever rocked my world in 36yrs like my current relationship.

Started as a summer fling I never ever thought I'd be here 1 1/2yrs later almost w/a relationship that just amazes me every day how wonderful it is. It baffles me that he comes over during evenings-which is when chaos hits w/my kids...homework, dinner, bathtimes, me nagging. I look at him confused...as in why dont' you just come over later when it's all calm-why put yourself through the madness if you have a CHOICE lol. I don't get it. Obviously he's either masochist, loves me, loves my boys, or actually very much misses being a full time dad. The chaos gives him a sense of fulfillment somehow. Beats me..I know I'd run for the hills and show after they're in bed lol.

Just all this rambling to say-I know it's easy to start judging the other parents love/lack of love/life but there are many sides and reasons single parents do things the way they do. Sometimes I find it helps me to walk a mile in their shoes or try to before jumping to conclusions or making assumptions.

BM's only really had one boyfriend since I've been around, but she was noticeably nicer to FH and I when she was dating him. She's still not *horrible* but when they broke up this summer she was certainly snarkier than usual with us. Right now she's back to being nice but right now she also wants help with her van (check my blog, if you're curious).

To be honest, BM isn't that bad to interact with - what drives me crazy about her is the kind of things she says about FH behind his back. I know neither of us can control what she says or does, but it irks me that someone could be that full of shit and manipulative.

I keep hoping that someday BM will get married so she will leave us the shit alone.

our bm has only had a bf here or there over the 8 yrs ~ nohting significant as is op's bm situation..

but everytime bm got dumped, she took it out on dh & i... guess she can't stand that we are happy....

but she takes it out on us everytime she gets fired, too..

our bm is just a loser a sculpting her liar daughter to be the same.