I'm new
I am a mom of three grown sons. I am now the step-mom (we're not married though) of 10 and 14 year old girls for the last 2-1/2 years. We normally have them one week on and one week off. Lately we have had them for almost a month because of something that happened in the mom's home. (Their mom is unfit, but we can't prove it.) Mom goes out of her way to try to make my life miserable and she does it through the girls. She has lied to FOC and Social Security. The older girl sees what she does and the younger one is starting to see. They love their mom but it is very hard on them, which in turn makes it hard on us. We have different parenting skills, but I am the one at home with them 10-12 hours 5 days a week and sometimes in the evening or weekend when he wants to go do something with his friends. I try to stick close to his rules when he is gone, but I have my own rules, too. When he is home I try to get him to handle things, but he has always let them do whatever they want. (ie, they didn't have a bedtime when I moved in and didn't clean up after themselves. That has changed since I moved in!) I regularly have to tell him that his girls have done or told me certain things. (That's part of communication isn't it?) I think he feels like I am tattling all the time or trying to get them in trouble. How do I deal with that?
Buzz off.
Stop tattling. I'm being serious. Tell him that since you can't get support from him you're checking out of the girls lives. You'll support them personally during this difficult time but not be responsible for their welfare such as manners and bed times.
Of course he will have to make other arrangements for someone to babysit his children because the volunteer one just quit.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
From the way you describe
From the way you describe the way he lets them do whatever they like, he probably doesn't want to know what they are doing while they are with you. He probably just wants you to accept their behavior and not be affected by it the same as he is. If you keep bringing things to his attention that should be corrected, he might actually have to discipline them, which he doesn't seem to really be interested in doing. If he's leaving them with you for so much time and expecting you to parent them, instead of telling him what they are doing, would you be comfortable disciplining them yourself? Not physically, but taking away privileges and things like that.
Sounds like you've spoiled your boyfriend
by raising his kids yourself so far...Step back, stop doing it and explain why. They need their DAD to do his job. My DH disciplines his kids, I try not to tattle (sometimes it's hard!!!) unless it is really waaaaayyy over the line. If DH is gone and I'm here working (I work at home) then he has to make arrangements for the 14yo SD to go somewhere else.
We are not their maids, babysitters, etc. Glad to help in a pinch, but not our responsibility - HIS!! The faster you believe this the easier your life will be.
(Trust me, it will bite you in the butt one day, if you discipline them, because you will not get thanks for any of it. You will just get criticized by birth mom, Skids, etc.)
When I first learned this, it was an epiphany for me. DH tried to make me feel guilty, shirking my responsibility, etc. I defended myself, though, and will continue to do so. Good Luck!! Let us know how it goes...