Incident at School (SD)
Yesterday, there was an incident at SD's school. Her "friend" had taken an ugly picture of her this past weekend. She had asked her (nicely) to delete it from her phone, but instead the friend decided to show it to their class and say things like "Look at how ugly SD looks in this picture" and "Isn't she so ugly?" SD repeatedly asked her to stop, embarrassed, and lightly smacked her on the arm with the pencil case. The girl turned around and punched her in the face! She didn't hit her hard enough to leave a mark or a bruise or make her bleed, just stunned her. The teacher saw it and immediately sent the girl to the principal's office. SD's pride was hurt worse than anything, but she wasn't punished at all because she did nothing wrong.
My issue is: Why was I not notified there was an incident? The school took the time to call me when SD got in trouble for cursing out loud in class, but didn't choose to let me know she had been assaulted? That just irks me. The girl was "written up" for what she did, but SD received an entire day of AER (in-school suspension) for cursing. Needless to say, I don't feel that is fair at all. A student placed her hands on another student and only received a written warning. Yet a student can slip the F-bomb in class and be more severely punished? I don't even know how to start with this when asking the school about it. The girl's mother also has not reached out to me and I don't even know how to start a conversation with her. I told SD to completely ignore this girl from now on - act like she doesn't exist, don't respond to her messages, just act as if she is invisible. I assured her that ignoring the girl would drive her crazy, because she obviously wants attention. I'm so annoyed and aggravated with the situation. This is the same "friend" I have written about before (that gave me bad vibes from day one).
Any advice on what steps I should take?
So I'm feeling really bitchy
So I'm feeling really bitchy today, but I would contact the police and file a harassment and assault report against the kid. Then I would set up a meeting with the principle and the teacher and demand answers of why they are covering up physical altercations at their school.
That was my initial first
That was my initial first thought, but I didn't want to get police involved just yet.
I only want to know their reasoning why cursing is a harsher punishment than a student literally hitting another student.
As much as past behavior is
As much as past behavior is the best indicator of current and future performance, history cannot be considered for different incidents perpetrated by different people overseen by yet more people, when assessing outcomes of an event.
Don't gve this more space in your head. There are any numbers of variables that could have been in play during the profanity incident. My guess is also that upon interview when the face punching friend recounted that your SD had hit her with a pencil case, the warning was decided upon.
The "yah buts" can go on for ever in these situations.
I am dealing with one at work right now. While there are mitigating circumstances the base infraction is a "your not fired you just don't work here" event. Likely, there will not be a role for the perpetrator and he will be without a job at Christmas time.
Even if it was hitting back,
Even if it was hitting back, how is that a lesser charge than cursing? That is why I am so aggravated.
I wish there was an answer.
I wish there was an answer.
Me too! Our public school
Me too! Our public school system (along with our court system) is just severely broken.
Yes. They are tragically
Yes. They are tragically broken.
You are not privy to exactly
You are not privy to exactly what was said to the other girl by the school. You only know what SD somehow found out. Students and parents are only aware of their own discipline.
SD "lightly smacked" the other girl on the arm with a pencil case. So SD was not completely innocent in this. Plus, the other girl, and her parents, may not think the smack was so light. They will probably say she reacted to being hit. Was the other girl wrong to show the picture? Yes. Was SD wrong to lightly smack the other girl with a pencil case? Yes. Was the other girl wrong to hit SD? Yes.
Involve the police? I wouldn't. No broken bones. No bruises. No blood. No stitches.
I reached out to the teacher
I reached out to the teacher that was a witness to the entire thing and he confirmed that SD barely touched the girl, and he also had asked the friend to put her phone away several times. So I really don't care what the friend or her mother has to say - I'm going to believe the ADULT that was there and saw it with his own eyes. According to him, the rule-book states if there is no "bodily harm" then a verbal warning and/or write-up is given. Anything past that is automatic suspension. But yet their book also states "vulgar" language is an automatic day of in-school suspension, so what gives?
Who knows.
My work event has been unfolding for 4+ days. An EE got in the face of the on duty manager, not just once but twice physically and several times over the radio. No threats or physical contact but repeated agressing behavior.
Upon interviewing witnesses I pulled his badge and had him escorted offsite. Further investigation and review of the written statements mitigated my view and I recommended a three day unpaid suspension and return to work under a final zero tolerance written warning. Once it left my organization for HR and for our customer, it is out of my control. My customer has refused to allow the EE access to the plant, HR is not sure it reaches the level of termination so it is a "your not fired but you don't work here" situation. We are looking for a transfer opportunity for the EE to another site.
It won't happen. Corporate Legal will likely shoot it down even if the customer agrees to allow a transfer.
Sadly, far too often, learning the why of some things just isn't possible. Thought it is frustrating.
The world has just gone mad,
The world has just gone mad, I suppose! It seems everything is broken.
I had an incident at my work where a manager was caught talking badly about other employees on our instant messaging system. She was immediately terminated. Yet HER manager talks badly to our FACES all the time (and multiple people have complained to HR and Corporate about her), and nothing has ever been done to her? It doesn't make any sense to me the way they pick and choose what's punishable and what's not.
One manager does not
One manager does not perpetrate the behavior in a documentable way and keeps it verbal, the other does it so it is immediately verifiable and in a permanent record format. Both are wrong, one is at lease capable of executing some situational awareness and regulating their bevavior accordingly. At least in a manner that covers their ass rather than bares it for all to read.
It is infuriating how this crap tends to unfold.
If the discipline rules, as
If the discipline rules, as stated in the handbook, were followed, and you are still unsatisfied, than you need to discuss this with the next higher level. But, understand that this could backfire on your SD. She could end up with a warning in her file for hitting the other student with the pencil case.
You seem to regard the cursing as a minor incident. Not knowing the exact circumstances, it is hard for a reader to agree. To be disciplined for cursing, it is usually more than muttering softly to yourself.
Yes, I am not going to make a
Yes, I am not going to make a huge deal about it, I just find it terribly confusing.
She admitted that she cursed loudly (without thinking) because a fellow student was trying to shove his lighter into the pocket of her hoodie so she would take the blame (that student was suspended for having a lighter at school). The vice-principal explained all this on the phone, so I know that she was in the wrong for not censoring herself.
What state are you in?
I am a school admin in California so I can only speak to our Ed Code here and our practices. Typically schools follow progressive discipline, meaning they start with the lowest level of consequence, then step up from there. For example, a student would be counseled and warned, then receive ISS or Alternative to Suspension, then be suspended 1-5 days depending on the act committed. Mixed in with all of this is usually some sort of counselling or peer mediation. Was this your SD's first time getting into trouble this year? If not, that might be why she received ISS instead of a warning. I can't be sure; that's how the system works for most public schools in CA though. Also, for confidentiality reasons they wouldn't be able to tell you everything about what happened to the other student. Typically we just tell parents that the other student was disciplined according to policy. Regarding them not calling you- was it the administrator that called you the first time, or the teacher? Are you actually listed as one of the emergency contacts? I ask this because if a parent is not listed as having Educational Rights, there is a limit to the amount of information that can be shared. I can't be sure of your scenario-these are just some things that might have impacted why you weren't communicated with. Or, it's possible someone just dropped the ball. Regarding involving law enforcement, that also depends on the state you live in. In CA a minor cannot be prosecuted under the age of 14, and school resource officers seldom cite students younger than that unless their actions are egregious. Also, ISS may not go on her permanent school record as a violation of EdCode (school law), whereas an actual suspension would and depending on the age of the student this could be damaging to their prospects for employment, college entrance, military, etc. Take the ISS where you can!
In any case, it sounds like this other student should be in trouble for harassment or bullying given that she was asked multiple times to delete the picture. Counselling should definitely be in the cards, possibly a schedule change for the other student to separate them if there is going to be an ongoing effect on your daughter, and perhaps a stay away order. We implement such things on a regular basis in scenarios like this, which happen all too often unfortunately :/.