Inconsiderate 18 year old
SS18 is living at home for free while he attends college. He is given plenty of "adult" privileges, his dad even passed his old car onto him for transportation (he starts college this fall).
DH and I had to tell both SS they need to do laundry MON-FRI since they are home after school giving them plenty of time to get their laundry done. DH and I said we need to do ours on the weekend SAT and SUN as that is the only time we have available as we are taking care of the family by shopping and cooking after work during week. We set the schedule as there were too many problems/interference otherwise.
SS18 keeps waiting til the weekend (we would make exceptions for "emergencies", but this is not the case), preventing me from the only time I have to do laundry. His week is spent in his room, on the phone, or playing video games so yes he needs to learn to manage his time better in my opinion and wash his damn clothes when he is home and we are not since the grownups have limited time to do so.
DH is frustrated too as it ends up putting us out unnecessarily. SS18 is not a kid but is being selfish and lazy. What is the best way to get him to stop doing this as it is getting frustrating as we put the schedule in place for to make it easier for all of us and only SS16 is being considerate?
I'm thinking time for SS18 to start being responsible. I say bag up his clothes and make him pay $20 a bag to get them back if he keeps this up, or eventually lose laundry privileges and have go to a laundry mat to get our point across that him doing whatever he wants to do by putting us out will not fly. Too harsh? Any better ideas?
Are the washer/dry in a room?
Are the washer/dry in a room? Put a lock on the door. SS can have access during the week. Otherwise, the door is locked.
great idea but unfortunatly the door must stay open to vent
that room as it is where the furnace is.
Then every time he uses them
Then every time he uses them "off schedule", promptly remove them and do your laundry. Put them in a basket and either leave them there or put them in his room. I would NOT put them directly on the bed - that could be the start of a mildewy bed problem.
Louver doors vent!
Get louver doors and a lock. Great idea.
If you go to do laundry and
If you go to do laundry and his wet clothes are in there, I would go put his wet clothes on his bed. If they are in the dryer, they can go out the back door, etc! He will figure it out to keep his clothes out of the laundry room on Sat and Sunday fast!
Putting them on the bed is a great idea! then he would be stuck
with a wet bed to boot!
This is the perfect natural
This is the perfect natural consequence for his failure to follow the laundry schedule. Just remove his stuff from whichever machine it's in and deposit it in his room. Or, if it would be less of a bother, toss it in a basket in the laundry area and leave it there for him to do on Monday. If he needed it in the meantime, you could tell him where the nearest laundromat was located.
you could tell him where the
you could tell him where the nearest laundromat was located.
^^Definitely this!!!
He doesn't pay for the
He doesn't pay for the electricity, the water or even the soap so yep take the clothes out of whatever machine they are in and dump them in a bin, basket, whatever he uses. I wouldn't take them to his room to much work on my part, let him figuire it out, if he doesn't learn from it let real life chew him up and spit him out.
I guess that is all I can keep doing. I'm just getting
so sick of the disregard
The laundry solution above is
The laundry solution above is great but I think you need to go further with this typical freeloading 18yo. On the phone plan? Freeze it. On the wifi? change the password daily and only give it out when you deem it appropriate, ie: chores are done. Treating you like the maid? Refuse to the anything they will benefit from. PB&J is good enough. Don't cook for them. Consider taking the car back, only allowing for driving to work.
Dad needs to crack down on them hard IMO. Out of respect for you, his wife, but also for any future roomates and or spouses. Nobody likes to live with a deadbeat.
Have there been any
Have there been any consequences at all for his bad laundry behavior? Other than your DH "talking" to him? He's playing a power game with you, and it needs to stop.
Tell him one more time that his laundry is not to be done on weekends. DH needs to tell him that he's disappointed in his behavior by disregarding the schedule. And tell him there will be consequences if he keeps up his selfish behavior, and you and DH can decide the consequences. No wi-fi, laundromat for three months, etc. If he wants adult privileges such as his car and freedom, then he has to behave as adults behave. Otherwise, he is treated like a child. His choice.
not yet. That's why I'm open to suggestions as
it was hard for us to figure out consequences for an adult child. These suggestions are great and I hadn't thought of them. We will use them for sure!
Don't give them a choice
Don't give them a choice about when to do their laundry. Tell one he does his on Wednesdays and the other that he does his on Thursdays and that it is NOT negotiable.
I like the suggestion about locked louvre doors too
Great idea. Make a schedule
Great idea. Make a schedule giving each person a day to do laundry. All the other days, keep your bras and underwear in the machines. Those boys won't want to fish through that to use the machine.
I'd be willing to bet that if
I'd be willing to bet that if you put an unopened box of tampons on top of the washing machine they won't even make it past the door ... Hey, OP, that might be how to enforce the days they're not allowed to do their washing!
Haha - great idea! and all the fun
of embarassing him too!
Remind him on Saturday
Remind him on Saturday morning that he is NOT to be putting his dirty clothes in the washer and if you find the washer running with his clothes in it, stop it, and put them all in the sink next to the washer. Just talk to him and remind him first thing Saturday morning. And why can't he do them at night when you guys are asleep or when you're out and about on the weekend? I think this is a nonissue, not worth the conflict. Remind him and take them out if they are in the washer when you need the washer. He has to work around the bill payer's schedule. If he is being a jackass and passive aggressive about it, then you need to have a meeting with him about living arrangements. Sounds like he's being a jerk and you're not assertive enough to give him clear directives and clear boundaries.