It finally drove me out of my house...
It finally drove me out of my own house. My SS is going on 17 and does not want to drive or work (DW is ok with that). DW and I do not agree on parenting styles so I decided to practice detatchment 10 years ago when she physically stood at his side against me anytime I tried to discipline or correct SS in any way. I soon realized that my home was controlled by a child and I would always come second. I held on to the idea that he would move out at 18 but now his mother does not want him to move out - so I did.
I cannot bring up anything about SS without it starting a huge fight that ALWAYS ends up being my fault - "I am always the bad guy".
I wish things could be different but I can't change the fact that I cannot stand to be in the same room with SS - and it gets worse every year. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and I just could not do it anymore.
I don't know what to do...I really love and miss DW but the thought of going back into that house makes me sick. She keeps asking me to come back but I can't bring myself to go back as long as SS is there.
Is there any chance of saving my marriage?
Sure there is. Go home, lay
Sure there is. Go home, lay down the rules for both DW and SS and set the expectation that at 17 he either complies with your rules or he leaves. PERIOD. Never leave your home. If DW wants to abandon your marriage then let her leave the home.
SS can stay if he follows the rules but he is gone when he turns 18 or graduates HS whichever comes first.
End of story, end of problem and the marriage takes precidence.
IMHO of course.