Is it ok to just let Christmas go?
My soon to be DH and I have been together for 3 years now. He grew up in a different country where Christmas was just not celebrated. Of course like anyone I know Christmas was and is a huge deal for me, and I still get excited knowing it's right around the corner. We have no children together but he has full custody of his dd6. I don't know what he did before i came around but the first year i just could let Christmas go without some kind of gift for everyone. They were less than appreciative and did not give in return. I chalked it up to the fact that soon to be DH didn't know, and ss4 was, well 4!! So the next year at the holiday season we were living together. I made Christmas the way it should be, because it's important to me, and i wanted it to be a family tradition for us. SD5 was in school, and i knew that kids would be talking about presents and santa, so I made it happen. Soon to be DH didn't get her anything, even after i tried to tell him what a big deal it is. SS5 was less than impressed with what i got for her, and my feelings were hurt. This year SS6 hasn't even been here since two days before the holiday, not that i'm complaining....she's been with grandparents. I got her nothing, and will not in the future because my past experiences left me feeling bad. Soon to be DH and i exchanged 1 present with each other. My question is, is this ok? Have I just given up, and if so is that ok? When and if we have children of our own it will be a big deal, and we will celebrate the way I like, with lights, and singing and presents and love and excitement, but how will SS6 handle that? Should I even worry? Isn't that her dad's responsibility?
I am new to this site... just
I am new to this site... just discovered it last night, and joined a few min ago. However my best advise for you is this...
As a STB married couple you definetly have some different traditions. If Christmas is important to you as it is for me, he should be accepting of it. When my fiance and I got together the first round of holidays was somewhat awkward for us as we merged our traditions. Granted for us it was much easier as we both celebrate the same ones just in different ways.
It sounds to me like the two of you need to sit down and have a big talk. The two of you need to both compromise on these types of issues. The blending of families is always about compromise. I am not saying that either of you are wrong, just that both need to meet in the middle, maybe do the presants and tree but no lights and don't make a huge ordeal out of it? There is a happy medium that can satisfy you both, it just has to be found.
When you plan a life with
When you plan a life with someone else you inherit all their baggage. Whether it is child or a dog or a mother-in-law or a crazy arsed drunken aunt. This is what you 'buy into'.
The best thing would be to write a list of your expectations and what you will do and not do. You will have a Christmas tree but do not expect a gift exchange with his relatives. Stuff like that. Because you are forwarned by being with him ahead of time you know how things will be.
Is it cutlural or religious? If it is religious you are up against a HUGE obstacale that is likely to be insurmountable. If it is cultural you may have a chance.
BOTH of you need to respect each others traditions and customs. Counselling or some written agreement is neccessary.