BM always wants to Skype with SS on holidays. It is super annoying we have really strict computer rules in our house. No computers/tablets in bedrooms and doors must be open. So SS has to skype in the living room BM demands no one else is in the room. So awkwardness always happens. We also don't let SS move the laptop (he drops things and it is actually my lap top) BM also asks him to take the computer into his room and show her _____ (some toy usually) Then she accuses us of listening in if we walk down the hall near the living room. (who the hell things a kid should be alone with a computer) We also have an open house. Kitchen/dining room/living room all one room. So BM also gets mad if I am in the kitchen well no duh holidays I send the day in the kitchen.

I feel you have every RIGHT to not have to deal with the ex EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. of the year...

If your SS is going to see her the next morning then I see no reason for him to call *minutes* after you open presents to discuss what was bought. (That invades on YOUR family time which is not right to YOUR family)

He's getting old enough to understand that every *request* doesn't always get met, and sometimes its for important reasons!

-young_one

So where is Dad in this picture?

No we don't do any calls going back and forth really. A birthday is the one real exception that I can even think of. Even if my husband was going to call his kids I can not think of one good reason that I would talk to them. Why are you taking time to talk to them on the phone? I enjoy my time without them and it would really annoy me if dh had to stop things to talk to them on the phone. He used to do it more and then he realized how much of a waste of time it was. They are kids they are busy and they are really not all that fun to talk to on the phone.

dup

dup

I was actually going to re-post about the dreaded phone calls myself.

Our BM doesn't ask skids about their day or school or how they are, she spends the time telling them all the ways it's more fun to be with her. She spent yesterday's call, two weeks out from Christmas telling them about all the places they were going to open presents on her time and all the fun Christmas things they'd be doing with her. She has them Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - she can't have this conversation with them then? She constantly has to downplay the skids time with us and make their time with here sound better. Its infuriating.

We were getting so angry when BM started disrupting our time every few days during the summer. She'd ask to talk to the kids and DH would give them the phone regardless of what we were doing (like our yearly fishing outing on the lake). He'd just give them the phone and never tell her no because he didn't want to deal with the hassle. Reversely we never call on BM's time because we know that it's disruptive and that the kids forget about it in about 3sec of hanging up the phone. We have however, told the kids that if ever they want to talk to us, to ask BM to call us - she refuses because she believes it's not the children's right but the parent's right to call. We've started giving her time frames of when she can call, generally first thing in the morning, when the skids haven't started anything for the day yet.

I had come across a great article at that time when I was trying to find some research on how these calls are bad for the kids. It actually helped us to better cope with the calls, but of course I can't find it now. The article reminded me (and I was a child of divorce) that for these kids, they don't get to experience life with both parents equally anymore. That especially for those who did live with both parents together, it's harder for them to not experience the things that are important to them or exciting for them with both parents at the same time. And, even for the parent to have your child in your life every day and then suddenly you can't access them, it's hard - no matter how we feel about the other parent.

Your SS is excited because kids get excited about these things. We all know that for most kids, that Christmas is about toys and playing. That's what he's going to be happy about and happy to tell his parents about. He wants his adults to experience his happiness with him. It's a child's nature to be excited about things. We teach the skids to be polite and appreciative (some corrective reconditioning from their time with BM was necessary) and that there are people and kids around the world with nothing - I had a talk with ss9 yesterday about the Syrian refugees that arrived in Canada on Thursday and how they were living and why it was so very important that those of us who can help, do help. They understand as much as kids can and are sensitive to others. My bio-nephew-6 is incredibly well-behaved and aware of others less fortunate, but both he and skids go insane over their presents. While it seems materialistic, that's the way it is.

Try to look at it this way...
If he's calling you, it simply means he loves you and wants to share his world with you.
If he wants to call BM, it simply means that he loves her too.

If BM is forcing the calls, it's her right for reasonable access, but it's your time. You are not her employee acting on her whim. She must conform to you, your time, your home, your rules.

**And to add to this, 3rd call from BM in 3 days for us JUST ended. My blood-pressure is completely up - BUT sd6 is sick, and BM told us she would call every day to talk to her because she was concerned. While we're perfectly capable of caring for SD6, I get that she'd want to speak with her ill child. At least this time SD6 was talking about her Elf on the Shelf, but only because I'm pretty sure that BM reminded her to bring all of her toys home that she brought here. Elf is currently cuddling with all her toys while playing her brother's iPod. I'm sure BM is having choice words about how we're making so that the kids can't play with her toys.