it's over...still lookin for help and advice
after dealing with crazy BM bs for too long...i finally ended it today. too many stories to even count and it never ends it only gets worse. my SO (i guess ex-SO now) is coming over later to get his stuff and i know he will try to convince me to get back with him. but it needs to be over; he is going for full custody of his son and i never signed up to be a full-time SM.
even if he doesn't get full custody there is no guarantee that something crazy won't happen w/BM again...she is volatile and abusive and i understand why he needs to get custody of SS but it doesn't mean i am willing or able to do it.
my question now is, how do i stay strong and not get back with him? like i said, i know he will try to convince me otherwise.
doesnt help that i am in love with this man. he is my best friend at the moment.
also, i feel like the world's worst person for ending things just as he's going through all this stress. but i respect him; i can't continue to lie to him and say everything will be fine and then just break up w/him later.
advice?
That's how I'm feeling right
That's how I'm feeling right now, except I'm the one leaving. At least you have somewhere to call your own.
Write down the a list of why
Write down the a list of why you don't want to stay, remind yourself over and over and over again until it is second nature when the thoughts come up.
Give yourself time to cry, if you need to cry, cry, don't hold back. Go out and do things that will take up your time, and keep your mind off of him. Get a hobby, do a sport (or martial arts.)
Delete his contact info, everywhere. As much as you want to see what he's up to, don't. Also: don't get intoxicated because you're likely going to go back when all the hurt is numb and things don't seem "so bad."
If he is your best friend, tell him the best thing he can do is to leave you alone and not contact you. I'd go on vacation to a place where internet and cell phone access is hard to get. South America is always a good choice, I know Costa Rica is beautiful this time of the year.
It's going to be hard, but kudos to you that you knew what you are willing to deal with, and didn't lie to him about it and took matters into your own hands. Be strong!
Well done for not lying or
Well done for not lying or trying when you know how you really feel inside, you have done the right thing by your "friend" and he now needs to do right by you, respect your decision and stand by his own, men have to get it they cant have their cake and eat it too and expect us to just eat along with them smiling when we are not happy at all. I think you are great we can all try and try but really sometimes we just know that there is no point and nothing was gained in the end anyway just hurt, drama, disappointment all because we went against our gut and tried. Best of luck to you be strong and follow what you believe to be right for you. <3 hugs <3
thanks guys. this is great
thanks guys. this is great advice and is helping me a lot.
@BillyJ, I am sorry about your situation...that has got to be really, really hard. could you maybe fill us in more about why you want to leave? would love to offer advice or help if you want or need it.
well, as for him getting his
well, as for him getting his stuff tonight. do you trust he will only take his things? if so, maybe you shouldn't even be there. avoid this emotional trap.
do you have a friend who would be able to come over while he's there so you aren't alone.
i know how difficult it can be when a person you really truly loves tries to win you back.
Stay strong and follow your
Stay strong and follow your instincts. It will only hurt more if you stay longer than you should. Do you still want to see him, just not live with him? You could try dating (not living together) and if he gets full custody of his son, you could see if the son grows on you and you might enjoy having him around. On the other hand you could you could hate it. Ultimately you need to make yourself happy. Now is easier than if you were married and had children that were yours involved.