Just feeling lost
If you haven't followed my posts, I'll sum it up. SD11 is immature and has horrible hygiene and won't take care of it; DH babies her by saying "she's just 11" and that's an OK excuse for her to not use deodorant or brush her teeth. When he leaves the house, she yells at me, insults me, etc, and DH does nothing aobut it; he says I just start it.
I was overwhelmed last week and asked DH to be a mediator between me and SD11 so we could solve what's going on. Instead of him letting us talk and him giving feedback, he monopolized the conversation and informed me loudly, in front of SD11, that if me and SD11 don't stop fighting, he is divorcing me.
I was just flabbergasted that he would do such a thing; especially in front of SD11.
So now, I feel like I have to let SD11 get away with shit just so me and DH don't fight.
Mind you, the duration of our marriage so far (2 years), DH nitpicks me, nothing I do is EVER right or EVER good enough, house is never clean enough for him, etc. He reminded me again tonight that if I don't shape up, we're divorcing.
Honestly, I think DH is just clueless. He tells all our mutual friends how much he loves me and adores me but they don't see how he treats me.
To be fair...I have pretty severe depression and honestly, I stopped taking my meds right before we got married because at that point, I was doing really well. His behavior has brought by depression back and made it hard for me to want to clean the house, and it does kind of make me bitchy. So I can't blame all of it on him and SD11. Part of it IS me.
However, he talked to me again tonight and he doesn't understand how I never want sex, never want alone time with him, etc. Honestly, I'm sick of being controlled, henpecked, nitpicked, etc. I just can't take it anymore. I cannot. I am so overwhelmed.
I am going to make an appointment tomorrow to get counseling/meds again. But I told DH that he is part of the problem and that if he doesn't go to counseling with me at some point, it's going to be a big problem. I mean, he treats me and SD11 as equals and calls us the same pet names (baby; who calls their daughter baby or babydoll when that's what you also call YOUR WIFE?!). He has told me I'm not good enough to deserve to have a baby. But I dislike SD11 so much that I don't even know if I want a kid anymore...but it still breaks my heart that I will never know what it's like to have a child of my own, all because I'm "not good enough".
I don't like myself anymore. I feel ugly. I feel fat. I feel annoying. I feel stupid. I don't feel like I have anything in the world going for me. I don't care whether I live or die anymore. I really, honestly don't. I have no plans to hurt myself but if I died in a wreck or something tomorrow I wouldn't care. I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I feel lost.
It's emotional abuse
It's emotional abuse love.
Marriage therapy stat or time to walk away for your own self esteem.
Unfortunately a lot of these men we get together with are someone else's ex for a reason
I'm really sorry that this one wasn't the one for you. Just know that the man who will treat you like his queen is out there somewhere. And you deserve nothing less than to be treated like a queen.
Best of luck.
If after you're on the meds
If after you're on the meds for a few months, say 2, if he hasn't stopped the emotional and verbal abuse then you must leave for your mental health.
Personally I don't see how depression would bring on what you've described as a reaction from him and I suspect that waiting to leave is a further waste of your time. His constant complaining and controlling leads me to believe you can't be wrong all the time. Personally I'd write this marriage off as a mistake and move on.
Why the hell are you here
Why the hell are you here lamenting your idiot DH instead of calling to have the locks changed and throwing his shit and the shit of his devil spawn out on the curb?
When he played the D-card in any manner much less the way he played it he just signed his own bankrupt, homeless, single daddy living under an over pass warrant IMHO.
Take care of yourself and tell them both to fuck off. A person of character does not treat their spouse the way your asshole husband is treating you. PERIOD!!!!
IMHO of course.
Please, please get to a
Please, please get to a doctor or counselor, get you some meds and kick this asshole to the curb!!
My DH told me one time in an argument about SD, don't make me choose, I flipped it right around on him, no DH don't you make me choose, because I have choices in this too. The look on his face was priceless, he had forgotten that I could just as easily choose to leave and divorce him and not ever be bothered with SD's drama again, you have choices too, he's not the only that can file for divorce.
I think your DH is a bully, only way to deal with a bully is stand up to them. Get yourself out of your funk, stand tall & stand strong, a bully doesn't know what to do when there's no-one to bully.
Hugs to you Sister, don't forget stand tall & stand strong!!