My partner and I are in a dilemma. We lived together for 2 years and then I moved in with my Dad temporarily until we could come to some kind of 'agreement' regarding living arrangements.

The issues we had were partly because of her 15 yr old daughter giving me strife, and my reluctance to want to support her daughter financially as her daughter openly refuses to want me involved in her life (most of the time) - even though we were all living under the same roof. there were also some issues with the way I was dealing with my partner's mental health and obviously some communication issues.

We are usually pretty good with the communication issues, but occasionally we falter and it becomes a bigger issue.

I don't have a problem with supporting the little fella - 10 yrs old - because he is a gem and has accepted me wholeheartedly, but after 2 years of supporting the teen and copping constant attitude and disrespect from her I became resentful and it put a strain on things.

My partner has this ideal where she wants us to be a 'family' and therefore expects a 'family' manner in all aspects - including finances. She gets more money than I do from my work paycheck from her government parenting payments, and I am also paying off my car and my college course. I don't have a problem with sharing finances, as I also respect that as a 'family' it is part of my responsibility - but I was feeling guilty because when we budgetted our money, all of my money was pretty much spent on bills etc. and the money that we allocated to each other for fuel and personal use pretty much came from the money that my partner got.
So, I felt guilty wanting NOT to provide for her daughter - when I wasn't even providing because my money was already spent on household bills. I also had an issue with how the money was spent for birthdays and christmas ($500 for Christmas presents!!) - even when i did see her point about how she doesn't spend money throughout the year and wants her kids to enjoy these special occasions like she didn't when she was a kid. I feel as though i am being petty in regards to this, but can't shake the feeling of regret for spending all that money.

Anyway, these were just some of the issues (maybe some petty - but I still felt ashamed about it) that culminated in us seperating.

Now that I'm financially running my own budget and not providing for her and the kids (apart from some of the groceries and things), I'm finding I am more comfortable knowing I can pay off my car debt, and start saving for a property for my partner and I - which is the biggest dream I have and am pretty determined to achieve in the shortest amount of time that I can.

My issue now is that my partner is now scared that by me staying over more than one or two nights a week will affect her government payments, and has today told me today that I cannot stay there anymore, and that we're going to only be able to see each other during the day or early evening - OR I could move back in.

This is a lose/lose situation for me, because not staying over means I hardly get any time with her because I work during the day, and also I can't really spend time with her in the arvos/evenings because that is the time that her kids will want to be spending with her and i don't want to take that away from them (they school during the day - and it's a different type of 'spending time' together), and living with them again takes away my financialy freedom and my dream of buying a property, and puts me back into a home where i didn't feel comfortable and didn't have a say in the running of things.

I was doing some research on Living Apart Together couples and it seemed to work for them, but I'm worried that it won't work for us, because I know my partner doesn't believe in relationships working unless they're living under the same roof. I feel like i would be letting her down if i wanted to stay this way, and it would just signal the beginning of the end - which i don't want obviously.

Has anyone been in this situation - or does anyone have any views on this?