So, my SD12 have a great relationship, well most days, she is 12 after all! Anyway, she lives with my husband and I full time during the school year. She has an overnight canoe trip with her class coming up and they were asking for chaperones. I am very involved in her school and related functions, and her BM is involved whenever it is convenient for her to be. My SD asked me to chaperone and I was thrilled! I know we'd have a great time and it would be good bonding time too because we'd be out on the water all day, then tenting on the shore all night, then out on the water again the rest of the next day. When she went to her mom's for the weekend my DS must have mentioned that she'd asked me to go along with her, which caused her BM to go all DRAMATIC! She is the queen of manipulation and has a history of using guilt to discipline the kids and get them to do what she wants. She started crying in front of my SD and told her that it was so unfair for her to invite me and that she should have invited her instead because she was her "real" mom. (how 'bout acting like it every once in awhile?!) When my SD came back to our house, she was really upset about it and told me that she had told her BM that she wanted her as a chaperone. BUT, my SD told me that she still wanted me to chaperone too. We have done things like this before, we are by no means "friends" but I 'take one for the team' when necessary for the sake of my SKids. I think in this situation, even though I'd love to go because I know my SD wanted me there, that I should back off and tell her I'm not available to chaperone after all. That way it will remove my SD from being in the middle, and it will get her BM to lay off the guilt trip. The problem is that I'm not sure what reason to give my SD for me no longer being available? I can't say anything to blame her mom, but I also don't want my SD to think that I don't care enough about her to go on her trip with her. Like always, I'm stuck in a bind. Doing what's best for my SD and her BM's relationship means sacrificing my relationship with SD. I know that someday she'll realize that my husband and I were the ones who were always there for her for the right reasons, but that wont be for quite some time! It's also a bummer to sort of reward her BM for the negative behavior, you know? Basically showing her that by crying and whining, she can get exactly what she wants. Just another day filled with BM DRAMA...