Mini wife is upset
H and I have planned a cruise since January. We planned it so early so we could get the cruise cheap. We have not gotten Christmas for ourselves in 3 years or birthdays while we got everyone else including kids that are not ours expensive Chriatmas gifts. Spring break was in April , a week before spring break the mini wife (sd11) was telling h parents and our friends we are not having a beach spring break. Well one of our friends had a spot reserved at the beach and passed it to us and I paid them the money so, sd11 and her half sister had a spring break, even went parasailing on my expense. I done this because I felt quilty for planning something for h and I . Inwhich both of them Bitches and yes I say bitches gave me a hard time then their BM copied everything we done with them brats the next following weeks and tagged pictures of them with her, same exact pirate picture of a statue you put heads in and take photos. Fast forward to this past weekend. Sd11 has a birthday on the 25th and our cruise sets sail October 1st Inwhich we have to leave a couple of days to get to the port. We were at our friends house Monday for Labor Day cookout. She invites herself and plans a pool party and ask our friends if they can make her a cake and says she wants to be with her dad on her birthday. I told her I had planned her a cake and she is getting the exact same amount of money as all the other kids get. She said she hasn't had a party since she was 5. I'm so furious at this point so I pull h to side because he didn't hear what she was up too. He gets upset and calls her outside and she denies the shit so I front her out and said oh yes you did. Her facial expression gets so upset. She then says she hasn't had a party since she was five. h told her he gave BM monies when he was over seas to have a skating party but BM took money and spent it on herself. I was still new then but I picked her up and took her to a movie, out to eat, and target and spent 65.00 which is more than I generally spend. She said it was BM fault and I told her we couldn't help what happens at BM's house and do not go to our friends she comes to us if she wants a party. We plan on getting her the 18th on that weekend and have a cake. This past week I checked on Waterslides. You have to rent them for the entire weekend and the cost is 250 to 275.00 then you have to buy food for kids. I'm sorry but I didn't get the cruise for each of us at 300.00 each plus tax. She is pushing to come the next week but I'm not having it. She can come on her scheduled time. Now she has been calling h phone everyday the moment he gets in his vehicle from work and talk to him his ride home which is out of the ordinary. This kid in my opinion is upset because her dad and I are going o. A romantic get away and trying to put a quilt trip on us. She says her BM boyfriend threw her sister a end of school bash ( I guess her sis put him on a quilt trip of poor me's and having no daddy in her life) I'm sorry for the rant but it seems like anytime I do something that involves just me & h she says," you did that without me!" I'm so over sick of her thinking she is Intitled and my equal. My wedding she tried to ruin it as well but that's another story, she was a attention hog there too and took the mic from Dj to sing titanic song that she requested 'the heart dont die' then the grandparents started recording her with their phones. How do I deal with this mini wife?
2 days and I will be
2 days and I will be gathering things to take, I have to get a dress Inwhich I have to wait for his next paycheck. Her birthdays in the past two years hasn't fallen on his time, why now? She is getting to see him next Friday the 18th of this month. She is just being a little Brat and trying to get her way. We already planned this all year. She knew we were going. Her birthday can be celebrated the 18th!
It's special to me because I
It's special to me because I have never been anywhere. This is the first time I acquired a Passport. I also don't want her draining my energy out of me a couple of days before we go. We are going with two other couples and I don't want to be upset the entire trip because I know she will get under my skin. Nope, not going to happen, As I said below in comments. She is being coached by someone older and influenced to piss me off so I can have a bad time. It's not just the packing and arrangements, it's a 11 year old trying to run things.
What about deodorant and
What about deodorant and razor
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Just give her a verbal
Just give her a verbal smackdown. Without actually using the word stupid tell her how fucking stupid she is to think that she is entitled to anything more than what people offer her.
She's a fucking entitled brat so treat her like one.
I sometimes want to ask her,
I sometimes want to ask her, " are you a mini wife or something" I know she will be 12 so I try to use words wisely as others have blew up in my face In The past.
Repeat after me: SD, you are
Repeat after me: SD, you are the child. Children aren't in charge.
Rinse and repeat.
My SD11 is not a mini-wife,
My SD11 is not a mini-wife, but she is entitled.
We go through some of the same trip issues; SD11 finds out about it and complains that she's not going. Of course, she doesn't complain if we go places she doesn't care about. But god forbid we mention Hawaii or France or a 'resort' in front of her: "you can't go without me."
This attitude partly derailed a Europe trip for DP and I about a year ago. Other things subsequently came up that sank it (or rather delayed it) but HOLY HELL when the SDs found out we'd be on a weeks long trip they FREAKED. DP wanted to cancel it b/c SDs were "upset" and "feeling left out." I lost it. They are KIDS. We are ADULTS. WE pay for it in time, vacation, and work and money. Our decision. He even went so far to find out how much it would be to bring them (too much) and I freaked out again - NO. I am not traveling around Europe with SDs in tow and sucking all the energy and life out of the trip. Want to share a room with them in France, DP? Then go to it. I'll stay home and enjoy the solitude.
DP recently said something about going to Hawaii. SD11 of course, heard him, and started in on him. I just stopped talking. He mentioned, no, I meant Alaska SD11, to throw her off. Afterwards, when we were alone, he said maybe we should use "Alaska" as a code word. I'm like, "STFU. No. WE get to talk normally and THEY get to learn that they don't get everything they want. I refuse to use a code word just to avoid them getting upset. And how long do you want to hide our life from them, hm?" BEJEEZUS.
OH, and if BM wants to go to Spain, not a peep from SDs about it, and she may take them to HI this year (when pigs fly IMHO) so they get their (SD11's) dream trip.
In reality, if we do go to Europe, we may take SDs as far as England (where they can stay with relatives) while we go on further. But DP has to do all the planning and all the paying for their tickets. And he admitted during our week long trip this summer with them (which he planned and paid for) that it was exhausting traveling with them so maybe they aren't ready for Europe. Exactly.
So I think your issue may not be so much mini-wife but entitlement of an 11 to 12 yo girl. She gets what she wants. Stop paying for things for her. Don't get her 'extras.' Don't change your trip schedule. You've given plenty of notice.
You hit the nail on the head
You hit the nail on the head when you said , " sucking all the energy and life out of trip" I get this! When sd comes I try to encourage h to take her off somewhere for most of the mornings and vent or whatever because she will suck the life out of me with overshadowing me and my ways of life by her BM or someone on that side of family and poke at the way I do things In My home, same goes with outings. This week is suppose to be h and my time, I sent my son To his dad's, sd11 rings his phone off the hook calling over and over if he don't answer to ask him the dumbest thing. She really wants to know what we are up too when she should be spending time with her BM. She is a mini wife because she acts like she is the one that is married to him. When we get out the truck she rushes to grab his hand to walk with him, she tries to sit In His lap and covers him with her shield everywhere we go. Same goes when it's movie time. She rushes to sit by him, calls him fu fu names like big boy! Which I find disturbing. Yes he corrects her an tells her to stop since I have brought it to his attention. She begs to get in the bed with us at night and tells him to scoot so she can cuddle. When she was 8 I didn't see it a big deal because she was brought in a new home and maybe for security I let her in the bed but now she is developing, has boyfriends at school and talks to them texting. Yes she is a mini wife. It's been 4 years and she never mentions any of our memories, everything happened when she was 5. H went over seas for 2 years when she was 6 and 7 then I came into her life her 8th birthday because I took her out since her BM blew her birthday money that was given to her.
Ah, yes mini wife. Thank
Ah, yes mini wife. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with that aspect! SD11 and SD9 wouldn't sit on or hang on DP unless they are joking around, and even then not much.
Because it wasn't brought to
Because it wasn't brought to my attention till the last minute of us making extra plans with our friends. She over heard what we were doing and pulled that stunt. She is having a birthday with us the 18th, that week. It's already been planned. If she wants him to stop by and hug her or whatever then I'm good with that but she has a mother she adores because she talks how great her BM is so she needs to spend time with her BM. Why is her BM trying to pawn her off on is on her daughters birthday, is the question. H agrees. He said he will get her when it's his turn. Trust me, next year she will have a big party with slide, music and friends but it will be planned because I am a planner. We will save $400.00 out of our income tax or put a little money up in a special account for her bday, but I will also take the exact same money and spend on my son because he is child like mentally challenged young man and he is my son. We treat kids equal no matter what their ages are. I think it will help her to understand that you have to sacrifice and plan in life to make it work. She can have a sweet 13, next year!
You also mentioned ." I bet you see him on your birthday" there is a difference. I live and sleep with him every night , we have sex! He maybe her daddy but he is my man. Reading your comments on other posts makes you sound like you were once a mini wife. I understand your heart maybe In The right place in your own mind but actions are not clearing understanding situations in the comments you make in other people's life.
Try having the people you are
Try having the people you are going on a cruise with worried about telling BM so SHE isn't upset when she finds out we are going on a cruise!
But yeah SD16 is the same way.. Anywhere we go she wants to go.. Um no. You go plenty of places with grandma and you can't be bothered to see your dad, only when you want something, you don't get to come on ONLY the fun stuff. And I didn't go anywhere with my parents.. We were left home! Because we were children.
Why do kids these days think they are entitled to what adults do and are equal to adults?