Mother in-law
So, i'm new here, and basically I only really joined, due to that stomach exploding rage you get sometimes, when you just can't believe what you have heard (maybe that's just me). My husband (who is adorable) mentioned that while his mother was stressed out (she was looking after his elderly grandmother in hospital at the time) agreed to let his ex wife stay a couple of nights at her house. Of course, I did all the normal things (wah, wah your mother doesn't like me, your family has no respect for etc etc) stomped off to my room, went online and found this site, what a brilliant idea!
So as you can see I have a few things I need to vent like;
a) Why would you let you ex - daughter in-law stay with you, in your house, when she damn near drove your son to suicide? (after around 10 years of marriage, she started having an affair with her husbands, sisters, boyfriend,(that makes sense right?) under the same roof as where her children and husband are sleeping, ouch right?)
b) The children come and stay with us, she (the grandmother) is frequently up here visiting them, or they are staying with her. In my eyes it has nothing to do with being a good grandmother and visiting the kids with their mother (just something I read on Yahoo answers, don't know why I looked there!)
c) My mother in-law has slagged this woman off continuously to me, so why? Why would she even entertain the idea?
d) This isn't the first time this has happened, a year or two ago, her and her daughter thought they might travel down and stay with her a couple of nights (looking back this would have been fine, considering then she would have been visiting the kids)
At this point in time, I really can't be bothered with her, I thought we had an alright relationship, but I always feel that I can't actually trust her to be loyal to me and her son. The knotted stomach pops up whenever she mentions that she needs to 'talk' to my husband, this isn't healthy right?
Anyway, there you go, hopefully i'll feel better after some sleep, who knows.
I too have had similar issues
I too have had similar issues with the mother-in-law, my Husband and I actually caught her having lunch with the es and the kids at the school in the cafeteria, and she has taken the ex to the country club for lunches and the like. This also is after hearing from my MIL what a terrible person the ex was. It really put a wedge into the relationship I had with the MIL, that and her interfering ways in matters of our household. She is trying, sort of, I think the best way she knows how. It's a hard road when you are dealing with contentious relationships with the ex and the MIL who you would think should be supporting you and your marriage to their child. I wish you the best of luck.
Wow! Thank you, this was
Wow! Thank you, this was really helpful. I might even have the hubby read this, although he is a mummy's boy. I feel way better now.
I think sometimes it is a way
I think sometimes it is a way for them to stay connected with their grandchildren. Some BMs are so miserable they don't even let the fathers of the children see them. My brother's x was that way.
As much as my mother HATED his x, she still maintained communication with her so that she could see the kids and take them to see their father.
Well I do have to be thankful
Well I do have to be thankful that my MIL pretty much hates everyone outside her "circle of trust" (which she has an extrememly tiny circle) so she would never team up with bm.
I do think StepAside has some wonderful insight into these issues and I know she has helped me think about things in a different way. I have really figured out alot of dh's family dynamics and why he acts like an idiot sometimes. My MIL is like the engineer on the dysfunction train. She is what runs the whole damn show. To outsiders, she appears the most functional (she's actually employed), selfless (to take in poor, poor ss)and heroic-but really it's all about control. She dislikes anyone that might have any sort of singicant influence on any of her children or her spouse. Since my dh actually loves me and he seems intent on staying with me no matter what-she has relegated him to a very small role in her life and has been treating HIM as if he doesnt matter. However, when we first met-my mil supported our relationship and was very welcoming. It wasnt until she grasped that she had lost her total control over her son that she really started being passive aggressive with me.
The bm in your case is no threat to mil anymore-you are. So she is trying to put you in your place.