I think two things.

First, I think that whomever planned this party should probably have checked with you guys first to find out when would be a good time. Maybe better planning in the beginning could have prevented the two events from occuring at the same time.

Second, I think your husband is to be commended for continuing to be so involved in his child's life post-divorce, but should probably be horsewhipped for not being more sensitive to your want and need for him to celebrate your special day. Missing ONE time for a VERY good reason does not make him a bad parent. You've supported him in his effort to be a good parent, so I think he can support you in this.

Families like ours have to strike a balance. I think your DH has a valid point that the basketball thing was planned first, but I also think that sometimes you have to do the thing that will make your spouse happy, regardless of how right you are. He may be right about the basketball thing being planned first, but does he want to be right or make his wife happy? How many basketball events does your SS have in a year? How many birthdays do you have in a year? It's pretty simple, if he does the math.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I had the same thing happen to me, my birthday fell on the same day FH had been told about something his BD was doing.
NOW my birthday plans were made FIRST and he was told the next day about his BD event.
luckily they were at different times and he was able to make both, but I was also hurt cuz if her event was during mine I am pretty sure I would have been pushed to the side, granted I am the adult I would get over it more then her but damnit...
I dont want to be the adult all the time!!
gawd it sucks doesnt it!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

I dont think you are being unreasonable. As Georgia said, how many games did this kid have in the season? WAYYYY more than 1. which IS exactly how many birthdays you have a year.

I think that your DH is putting his son before your needs... and in this case, your needs far outweigh the needs of your dh being at ss's game.

Every year for my bday wish.. I tell me DH that I dont want the skids up on my bday or bday weekend.. that is the ONE thing that I ask for every year.. Its my day.. right?

I have experienced the same thing with my husband. We seriously ended up in counseling over the fact that SD came first and me and our BDs dragged up the ass end of the train! In this case it was an all-day volleyball tournament for SD13. I had event, scheduled by someone else, involving many other people besides myself, that I had to go to. It's only twice a year but it's mandatory. He refused to budge. Was going to SD's tournament, period. I cannot take my two BDs to this. He wanted me to get my parents to watch them, but I told him my parents aren't the parents of these two kids. He ended up spending a half day at SD's tournament and the other half day at home with our kids, but it took SEVERAL people telling him he was wrong before he finally, reluctantly, agreed to that.

One birthday a year. One wife. He's got to get his priorities straight. Does he have a female friend who can tell him as much? (I ask because my husband scheduled a business trip over my birthday a couple of years ago. When I protested he said, "Can't be helped." You can imagine my reaction. He ended up asking a female friend, who told him to reschedule the trip. He did. But it took her telling him that to see that I wasn't being too sensitive or overreacting.)