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Pregnant and Can't Take it Anymore...

Alexis G.'s picture

Submitted by Alexis G. on Sun, 02/08/2009 - 4:34pm

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I think I am going to lose my freaking mind. This is our first pregnancy and things are getting worse every day. Here's my story in a nutshell:

1) DH lost his job in Nov. He's been fairly successful getting interviews but only a few offers- none of which panned out.

2) In Dec, we found out I was pregnant with our first child. No job and baby on the way translates into mounting stress and tension between us. Sometimes, I feel DH secretly resents the fact that I am preggo. He's just not as excited as he claimed he would be.

3) The SS and I have had our problems. Hell, DH lied to me when we first started dating, told me he was divorced when he was really separated from BM. I times, I find myself resenting DH and SS. Then other times I am angry with myself for even entering into this situation to begin with.

5) Fast forward, SS and DH pretty much live in their own little world when he visits. They sit around and do guy stuff all damn day...watch sports all day, play video games. Lately, I just stay upstairs by myself b/c nothing they do is ever family oriented. I LOVE sports but they never include me on anything.

6) With my hormones in overdrive, I have had it with everything. I find myself dreading the time SS comes over, I resent DH for having a son, I sometimes feel like DH is not as excited about our child as he is about SS. DH gets so excited about coaching SS's bball team. But he never exhibits that same excitement or joy when it comes to the lil one inside of me.

7) DH and I argue every week, seriously, EVERY week. This morning, we had two arguments. Everytime I ask a question DH twists it into my questioning his judgement. I'm an information hog, I need info. I ask questions b/c in the past when I haven't some major detail gets left out and then I get pissed.

Dirol Today I went off. SS has this habit that's been going on for years. He will not speak or acknowledge me when he enters a room (unless prompted by his father). YEARS this has been going on and today I fucking lost it. I told DH the child will not be welcome in this home until he learns to speak to me when he sees me. How I was raised, not speaking to an adult when you enter the room is totally disrespectful. It's like I'm not even here...

So now, DH is mad and I'm mad. I can;t take it anymore. I want to leave and get out. I want to run and never come back. But now, I feel stuck in this hopeless situation. I will NEVER be okay with SS b/c he represents DH's first born and his stupid, ignorant BM. I don't know how much more I can take....I feel completely alone, sad, and depressed. We've had a conversation about how i feel and DH was great...for like 2 days. Now, it's back to 'normal'. I want to cry all the time (and I'm in my second tri when hormones have leveled off!). I just feel really sad and angry...

Thank you for letting me vent. Any suggestions/recmmendation you can give would be helpful...

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 02/08/2009 - 6:25pm

My DH is laid off too and I think feels weird about it. Their job is their identity. So he may just be going through something he feels weird discussing with you, and thinking that he needs to provide more than ever now, for the new baby too. Try not to take it personally.

It may be easier for this reason to talk w/SS, who is probably his dad's biggest fan, than you, just because DH can escape reality with this whole sports thing.

I think you are smart to outline what you expect from SS and you are not asking too much for him to acknowledge you. If he won't maybe you can not acknowledge him either?

But I would give this time, I think DH is just in a weird place and may be afraid of the responsibilities ahead. I think guys are just weird anyway, LOL, but if you can, really try to be super loving so he doesn't see you as being against him. Its not fair for now but you know there are times he maybe takes care of you, then vice versa, that is the give and take of marriage.

Congratulations on your baby!! I am sure this will all turn out okay.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Alexis G.'s picture

Submitted by Alexis G. on Sun, 02/08/2009 - 8:26pm

Thanks Most Evil,

You're right. It's just that I'm so emotional right now, any little thing can get my blood boiling. But, you're right, I need to back away and kill him with kindness.

Thank you for the encouraging and supportive advice.

Alexis G.

Alexis G.'s picture

Submitted by Alexis G. on Sun, 02/08/2009 - 8:26pm

Thanks Most Evil,

You're right. It's just that I'm so emotional right now, any little thing can get my blood boiling. But, you're right, I need to back away and kill him with kindness.

Thank you for the encouraging and supportive advice.

Alexis G.

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 1:24pm

DH and I had our "first" together 10 months ago. It was his third, though. We also have SS9 and SD11 50% of the time. I was very resentful that I was experiencing the excitement and wonder of the pregnancy/birth (now all the firsts that she is accomplishing) while he sat there doing the "been there done that" routine. He also tried to overcompensate for the baby by trying to do extra activities with Skids so they didn't feel left out or threatened. Of course that made me mad. I have to say, though, once the baby arrived. He started to have a new outlook on it. He was able to see that she was unique and different than his other two (and in turn that it had been a while since he'd done the baby parenting). Perhaps your DH will have more excitement when the baby arrives, and he can see that this is not just a cookie cutter experience for him. I also agree that your expectations for SS's behavior are not out of line. Please don't give up on your family just yet. Everytime I get to that point myself, I simply look at how screwed up Skids are because their parents have let all the crap get in the way of parenting and ask myself if I would want to lead my daughter down that path. Have faith, and embrace this little life that will bring you so much joy!

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 1:38pm

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

and thank you for putting into words what a few of us SM's (and SF's) feel - "I will NEVER be okay with SS b/c he represents DH's first born and his stupid, ignorant BM." but are afraid to utter those very words.

You have a similar story to mine, my DH is currently unemployed; he also lied to me about being divorced when we met and whenever I ask even a simple question about the SD's, he gets all bent out of shape. We've discussed getting pregnant, but we have alot to consider - our ages, our financial situation and our parenting styles, which are way different!

Hang in there, maybe try talking to DH and explaining you need more cooperation than just 2 days worth. Hugs to you ~

Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 1:57pm

ESPECIALLY given all you have on your plate right now!

I think I would recommend your own little therapy, be that of the professional sort, or time visiting your best GFs, especially when SS is over with DH. Those hormones will exaggerate your feelings, but don't discount them. Maybe you need an unbiased person to talk to that can gently guide you through here, AS WELL AS a completely biased friend to pick you up, dust you off, make you laugh, and dress your emotional wounds the way only good GFs can.

Hang in there, we're with you in any capacity you need us to be.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra