My husband picks an issue about my step parenting every time his kids are home with us...
I think I handle a lot of this blended family stuff with grace... as well does my partner. Lately, it seems just every time his two kiddos are with us I have done something so wrong. This pops up from time to time, but lately it has been every time. They are only with us maybe every other weekend, so partly I think he's got a bit of guilt issue there. We can't afford to go up against his very wealthy ex-wife in court, so we just work with what we got.
Examples are:
-If I'm frustrated, or I don't use a kind tone of voice. This is home. My tone will not always be what you want. Kids are allowed to see frustrated adults. I don't yell or even come close to violence. geez.
-We spent the night at my Mom's. All three of our big kids fell asleep in the basement in front of the boob tube. No big whoop. I checked on them and they were all cozy. My son woke up and came up to the spare bed in our room. My husband accused me of "abandoning" his kids down stairs but making sure I brought mine up. That would never happen.
-He's accused me of endangering his children... once I let them use a hot glue gun. That was "child endangerment", by his definition. Mind you all the big kids are over 8yo and we all do this stuff together.
I've asked him to think for a minute and try to understand the situation and not jump to the worst possible conclusion. I just don't know what else to say. My actions and my words are never enough. If one tiny thing happens while they are here he jumps on it.
Any advice would be so helpful.
Thanks.
Sarah
It gets to that point some
It gets to that point some times where I just sort of let them have their time and I go off and do my own thing. I'm just very home oriented so it can be hard to swing. That and we have a two year old that isn't super interested in going out and running errands with me.
My step kids and I have a pretty good time, I think. His son(8yo) isn't interested in my existence at all. He would prefer I wasn't around ever. My step daughter(11yo) loves me. He just keeps picking fights with me and when I ask him not to do this in front of the children, he claims they don't care or aren't paying attention. ugh.
I feel like it's healthy for kids to see us in all our good and bad times. I think it helps them understand different personalities and that the world doesn't implode because some one yelled, or got angry. We are supposed to do those things. I have a hard time getting along with people who think I should be meek or not have an oppinion. hehe
With the basement issue, I
With the basement issue, I was the only one who checked on them. He just went to sleep without worrying about it. His daughter even said they were fine and slept well without us asking her.
I agree, but I had never thought of that boundary specifically. I just followed his sort of parenting while they were here. I will put that to use.
Thanks!
"I just don't know what else
"I just don't know what else to say."
I'd be sorely tempted to say "FU ahole STFU".
Which would be going overboard - but I do think you should tell him in a calm non-profane manner that his actions are utterly unacceptable. Make it clear that you will NOT tolerate his abusive ways.
Do not make excuses or apologize - that will only make him see you as weak. Be firm in just not accepting his stupid carping.
Sounds like a symptom of the
Sounds like a symptom of the guilts. He feels he isnt being a good dad subconsciously and needs to find an outlet for the internal discomfort he feels so picks on you.
Ask him to think about this.