I can totally relate! BM likes to call my DH and chat. Many times it starts off with relevant conversation like "I took SD to the doctor today, he said X" which is fine, but then morphs into. "Yeah the traffic was bad coming home (did you see that accident?) and then we were late to my meeting. I took her to grandmas instead. I think they painted... continue with more small talk" Please understand they have an extremely hostile relationship so these conversations are usually immediately following a huge argument the night before where she sent him several verbally abusive texts. The personal exchange is completely inappropriate. SD is old enough that she can tell dad about painting with grandma. DH tries to limit their conversations to the essentials and in text only. What did the doctor say and when am I picking her up? Yes it makes me uncomfortable when she does this, but I know it also makes my DH uncomfortable as well.

If your DH and BM have a more friendly situation and mutually want to exchange small talk about that funny thing the kids said, then I don't know how I would handle that. I agree it would make me uncomfortable. I think it's important to clearly communicate with your DH what you are absolutely not comfortable with, and hopefully he can respect that.

Request all communication between parents be via email (except for emergencies such as where he called her after his car incident). If they have so much they absolutely (*rolls eyes*) must talk about, discuss, share info about blah blah, then surely they should be documenting all this for future reference, right? What better way then having it all down in black and white with each having copies.

Of course, they don't need to talk that often.

BM rarely talks to DH, especially now that she has been cut off from the Skids, but she used to call all the time. She would want to tell him about every detail of her life. He would just cut her off and say, "Sorry BM, I have to go." Then he would hang up. It sounds like your DH needs to learn to the same thing. Cut off the conversation before she can start an argument with him. If she starts calling and texting, put a temp block on her number or ignore her. If he keeps engaging with her, she will keep doing it.

Jesus. This is bad. First off, the ex- is not the enemy, but I know what you mean.

BUT, there is no way in H-$$ it is appropriate for them to be talking on the phone every day and sometimes multiple times a day. A marriage is not having your husband talk with some other woman he was involved with several times a day. Yes, they share a child or two, but they do not share a bed or intimacy.

It doesn't matter what BM or DH says or how insecure BM supposedly is. This is not a 3-way marriage, or is it? I'd put an end to that, unless you want to be #4 on your DH's priority list for the rest of your life, behind DH, SKs, and BM.

I USED to deal with this. When DH and I first started dating. She would call ALLLLL of the time. Literally CALL more than once a month and the texts were even worse. It was about absolutely NOTHING. I asked DH about it and he said it was easier to just appease her than to start a war by ignoring her or telling her to stop. He also said I was exaggerating. So... I printed the cell phone bill. Showed him exactly HOW much they were talking. In a 30 day period, she had called him 90 times. That is an average of 3 times a day. And the texts. I can't even remember but it was so bad. That opened his eyes. He told her to knock it off and then stopped answering. If it was important (it never was) he would respond. If not, it went unanswered. To this day that is how he handles it. It's been 12 years.

Now BM is gone, and doesn't contact any of us. She has seen SS 3 times since last June for a grand total of 3 hours. So we don't have this issue at all anymore.

Sounds like it is much worse than what I gathered from your OP. There are definitely emotions involved here. Sounds like they are fighting like a married couple. You are entirely justified in being upset. Take heart that the marriage has ended, and make sure to remind him of that. You don't need to talk/argue with her anymore that is part of the beauty of a divorce. I would strongly advocate that communication be limited strictly to emails which you can review. No you don't want it to come down to "babysitting" your DH, but if it is innocent, then he should volunteer this information. If he can't disengage from his EX and honor your requests, then you have a problem.

My skids were exactly those ages when I came on the scene. No way did he talk to bm that much.

In fact, in a four year marriage (5 year relationship) put together Dh and BM have not phoned as much as you describe in one week.

You can tell your husband that YOU feel like the other woman. Tell him seriously, not angrily or flippantly.

Then go about making yourself happy. Your husband can choose to fix his marriage or not. You can't do it for him. What comes of your happiness and his using up himself on his ex-wife is anyone's guess. But just keep reminding yourself you cannot fix this by yourself. He either steps up or he doesn't.

We rarely heard from anyone in the SpermClan for the 16+ years we lived under the CO.

They never called just to speak to the Skid. The only calls were to arrange visitation travel or to whine about CS. Visitation was 3x per year when they chose to take all of their yearly visitation allotment. Often they would skip multiple visitations.

My DW had no desire to speak to anyone in the SPermClan and together we made it our favorite hobby to hand them their toxic idiot assess when they stepped out of line and forced our hand in protecting the Skid's best interests.

My husband would have rather killed himself than talk to BM everyday, much less several times a day.

If your husband didn't want to do it, he wouldn't.

I started dating my DH when his daughter was 5. As she got to be the age of your step kids, DH talked to BM less and less because he could talk to his daughter directly (about most things). Since SD turned 18, got married, and CS ended, he has not talked to BM at all (that was 7 years ago).

Your husband can stop this if he wanted to.

This is the all too farmiliar guilty dad/ appease the ex to avoid war and /or keep money in your pocket. This was my ex fiancé to a T. He would never ever want to up set BM. So he would just bend every single time with her.

This is fine but it's not right to bring a new women into your life if your going to act this way. It's very disrespectful. Sadly most men are so desperate to avoid conflict they will do anything for BM. They see how hurtful it can be to a new spouse and they don't care because pacifying the ex "for the kids" is far more important than any spouse ever will be.

I think it all depends where your husband's precious moments are at. If they are intact and on him, he will treat his wife like his wife and no other woman, including his ex-, like his wife. If his precious moments are in his ex's purse, then she has a little puppy/lap dog for life.

If worst comes to worst, I'd honestly go ahead and call one of my exes on the phone right in front of him. I'd go ahead and have a whole 20 minute conversation catching up, giggling, etc.

But like I said, that's if worst comes to worst and I'm a bit of a bitch lol this would be my last step before divorce tbh... because i wouldn't stay in a relationship where he's still super involved with his ex, even if she's the mother of his children.

I'd give him a final taste of his own medicine than move on. Think of it this way: he's upsetting you to keep BM happy. Who's his priority? Obviously it's not you. He'd rather you be upset than his ex-wife.

"How have you handled the crazy feelings?"

When I read this, my first thought was, you've mentioned this to him, and he's making you feel like you're crazy for feeling this way, and you confirmed that above!! I hate to say it, but he's trying to deflect from his actions and make it about you, which is totally unfair. And no, I don't think it's necessary, and it's especially not healthy, to have that much communication. SSs were 3 and 5 when DH and I got together (now they're 21 and 23) so we had many formative years. However, my DH rarely spoke with BM. If he did, it was by e-mail and involved either her sending a doctor bill for him to pay his required 60% or it had to do with some issue regarding visitation. They NEVER spoke daily, weekly or even monthly. Usually she would come to the door when he picked them up for visitations, and they didn't even say 2 words.

My DH had no desire to talk with her unless it was absolutely necessary. Had he felt differently, yes, it definitely would have bothered me. I would be very concerned if I were you that you've mentioned this to your DH and he made you feel like you were the one with the problem. Perhaps suggest marital counseling?

I'm in the same boat. SS is 18 and in his last year of school. DH thinks when school is over he'll no longer have contact with her. I know that's bull. SS's girlfriend is pregnant. DH and his ex were together 17 years. I know that is a long time. Most of the time they fight. Almost to the point where I think he misses fighting (we don't fight often). Then, like today, they are giving each other nicknames. I'm trying to not let it get to me, but I don't know if it's names they called each other when they were together or not. I'm learning the boundaries I guess.

Unless you put your foot down and basically say its me or your daily talks with your ex. I don't see this getting any better.

SO knows if he starts with his crap of talking to BM more than necessary or about anything other than SD. Then I will be talking to my ex's as well. Before I started dating SO I was still friends with most of my ex's. BF isn't ok with that so I put them all on the backburner. He once used the excuse, I have to talk to her because of my child. I said sure you do, but she is still someone you slept with so when your conversations get to be too much, then I will be talking to someone I slept with. That stopped him really quick.

Just say NO to three-way marriages.

Well, unless you are into polygamy like that guy on Sister Wives. Apparently, he can cheat every day, but the wives can't.

This erks me too
But I have learned to accept that their communication just has to happen for the best interest of their kid.
I'm just getting into my first yesr of being a step mom and it really isn't easy, but I believe that my husband keepsnit civil with her to keep drama out of our lives...and she is really selfish and irrational so I really admire how he holds it down because people like her are annoying lol.. I have read books on letting go and self-enrichment socthat I can focus my wnergy and time on the present and what really matters.

At the start, I would bicker with my husband whenever hebhad to make areangements with her but now that I have let go henis actually kore supportive and honest because he feels supported and knows that I am trying my best to understand and be patient with the situation.

We don't really talk about her at all unless it involves me, and I think it's better that way..because I don't care about her lol Good luck!

37 years and I still hear about BM and the same ole' stories, from SD56. She says she hates her mother, but she just can't help relive all the "wonderful, little girl" years when visiting with DH.

I finally spoke up one day: "we've heard that story several times, can we discuss something new or not discuss the past at all". It shut SD down, but DH always ask what is going on in his Ex's life. DH is a jealous person of other people's lives and don't think he really cares about BM personally, just wants to gossip with SD; of course she loves it.

So yes, I've heard way more than I ever want to hear again. As long as there are children, age doesn't matter, you'll hear it. Sorry!