My life is not my own.
I am feeling so emotional, angry, overwhelmed and so fed up with absolutely everything.
There isn't a single thing that I would like to do, that I can actually do.
I bought a house (not my husbands), BM thinks she can get my income and assets included in all discussions she has with my husband in regards to expenses for their kids... but not her boyfriends (who the kids still believe is their dad, one things real dad is her uncle).
The legal expenses have hurt savings accounts, and we redrew to cover a chunk of that.
the cost of seeing the kids is ridiculous (for 1 week in the holidays, we have $1000 in just accomodation). then there is travel, the cost of the kids, all while paying $250/week in child support.
so I get stuck covering cost
i can't renovate my home. I can't get my car fixed. I can't justify buying a much needed pair of shoes because I know this massive expensive with the kids are coming up.
im stressed about money. I have so much work to do but Telstra are a nightmare and can't provide a working connection. My husband has a sniffly nose so he's "so sick" but he's done a heap of house work today (nice change)
I just feel extremely alone, with to much pressure to deal with.
Everyone has their own problems and I don't know a single person in a even remotely similar situation
on top of that, we wanted to have a child of our own... but while the BM dictates everything (husband is terrible for standing up to her) I just don't see how we could even think of affording the cost
First, some questions
Are you the only one working and, if so, why? Why does it cost so much to see the kids? Distance? And who moved? What is in the court order about visitation and child support? Why is your husband so scared of his ex?
Are you sure you really want to stay in this situation? You didn't mention a single positive thing about your relationship... You have absolutely got all the downs and none of the ups of being a step parent. You're paying for kids that aren't even yours and because of that, you're too financially strapped to consider having a baby. Doesn't seem great to me.
Please tell us a bit more about your situation background so we can better help you.
Well, from what little you've
Well, from what little you've said, your husband is a major part of the problem here. He's allowing his kids to think their mother's BF is their father and he's their uncle?!
Unless he grows a spine and stands up to her (shouldn't be hard, you are apparently living far apart), nothing will get better for you. There should be no extra money going to her, and no letting her dictate anything. What are all the "accommodation" fees? Can't they stay in your home?
In the meantime, separate your finances and let him know you are no longer covering anything kid-related, he can get a second job to pay for his "nieces and nephews" to visit.
Separate finances, nothing
Separate finances, nothing SKID related should impinge on your personal finances, which should include the fact that you contribute more to household expenses because of your husband's SKID related expenses. Your income and assets should definitely NOT be included in any calculations. And require your husband to get a pair of balls, because unless he does, and starts setting some bounaries regarding BM, your life is going to be pretty unenjoyable for the next however many years at least until the SKIDs age out.
Stop paying for everything.
Stop paying for everything. Providing for the SK is your DH responsibility. If you can't separate finances, time to leave. It shouldn't cost you to stay in a relationship.
Stop sacrificing yourself and your happiness.
Time to end this. If you continue to sacrifice yourself on the alter to this shallow and polluted gene pool you have only yourself to blame.
This man has proven over and over again that he does not put you or your marriage first.
Go, enjoy your life. Have the child you want so much with a man who is worthy of you and who puts you first.
Depending on the laws where
Depending on the laws where you live and I have no knowledge of Australian custody/calculation laws, your income may be used for calculations since you are legally married while BM's bf's may not since they are not legally married. In my state my husband's income does not factor into child support calculations but there are states in the US where it does. There is a loophole in our statutes that say a spouses income/resources "may" be counted but it's up to the disgression of the judge. These are usually cases where the spouses income is significantly contributing to the lifestyle of the parent (ie Rich sugar daddy/momma).
As for you paying all the costs and having your finances hurt for HIS custodial issues, you need to set some personal and financial boundaries. It would be wise for you to go alone and see a financial planner about how to legally protect yourself. You shouldn't have to completely give up your life and sacrifice everything you have worked so hard for because of his mistakes.
If you were my daughter I would advise you to seriously consider a legal separation to give time and space for your husband to figure things out on his own. This is a mess, his mess.