My Two year old step daughter
I have looked all over the web for somewhere I could seek advice and help on the situation of my two year old step daughter. My husband is 26 years old and this is his first child, I have two children from my previous marriage. I am having trouble with his daughter and I am not sure why, I feel like she has some developmental issues that aren't being addressed. She says maybe 5 words and that is it.The rest of the time she grunts and thats about it I know that she is only two but its like they try to keep her a baby instead of letting her grow like she needs too. He constantly asks her if she wants to do this, or do that and she says nuh uh and he doesnt make her. I have talked to him several times about his parenting techniques and he just gets aggravated with me. I dont know exactly what to do.
Sounds like she's a bit
Sounds like she's a bit behind, to me. And it's to your credit that you're concerned and want to help. Unfortunately if the girl's actual parents don't want to do anything about it, there's nothing you can do. Treat the girl like you would treat your favorite niece - have fun with her and love on her, and leave ALL the responsibility for caring for her to her parents. I mean ALL of it. If your DH isn't willing to even entertain a conversation about talking to her pediatrician about whether this should be addressed, then he can do her laundry, clean up after her, diapers, etc etc etc. It will be MUCH better for your relationship with your SD, and honestly DH as well. Trying to help and getting shut down over and over will kill both relationships, so take him at his word and don't help him with anything related to SD - just have your own fun relationship with her.
That is not to say you can't have expectations of her, much as you would if your niece came to visit! You are the adult, it is your home, you have the right to demand courtesy from ANY child in your home and set some simple "house rules" for anything that might affect you. But that's not parenting, that's simply being an adult in a child's life.
Edited to add: For what it's worth, I have 2 year old twins. At age 2.5, they should be using at least 3-word sentences, and they should be understandable to non-family members about 80% of the time, according to my pediatrician. If your SD *just* turned 2, she may just be at the end of the curve. If she's closer to 3, she's *way* behind. So if talking to your DH isn't working, and you REALLY want to help, call the girl's pediatrician without telling DH. Let the pedi know it's a concern, that the girl's father is blowing you off because you don't have a medical degree, and that he should be asking the parents some questions about it at her next appointment. That's about the only thing you can do.
Not a single poster has
Not a single poster has suggested being "mean" to the girl. (Seriously, what the hell? "Use your words" is too mean to say to the preshus wittle snowflake?)
Yes, some people with learning disabilities and/or developmental delays do quite well in life. They work five times harder than anyone else to learn things, and that translates into a wonderful work ethic that gets them far. Good for your brother. He's the exception you know. MOST kids with learning disabilities and/or developmental delays benefit enormously from early intervention. Getting her some help NOW and teaching her new ways to learn things is a skill that could affect the quality of the rest of her life. I'm appalled you would suggest anyone just "leave her alone".
*lol* I have kids of my own,
I've been in the same boat.
I've been in the same boat. My SD is 4 now, but I started to notice things when she was 2 and BM REFUSED to potty train her. (her daycare ended up doing it for her) At 3/4 she still struggles to identify shapes, colors, or sing the ABCs. My DH acted annoyed with me at first, saying I was comparing SD to my "perfect" DD who has been 5-7 during this time (his words, not mine).
He finally started to take me seriously after the preschool mentioned the problems SD was having socially/emotionally/developmentally and wanted her to see the school psychologist. We tried to go that route and he also tried to make an appointment for her to see a child psychologist at the clinic where her PCP is, but both efforts were thwarted by BM. (She refused to let SD be seen)
Now we're back to him getting aggravated with me when I mention anything about SD since he either goes into denial mode or "well what am I supposed to do about it" mode.
Whenever she's in a calm mood, which is rare, I try to sit down and work with SD on these things. If DH doesn't give into her grunts, how does she react?
Nip this in the bud now if you can. It only gets worse. Much much worse.
I think alot of people get up
I think alot of people get up in arms because they feel someone is comparing this child to that child. Honestly I had kids that talked sentences before they were 2 years old. I am not saying that she is delayed because it's probably a case of mommy and daddy, dont make her or teach her to express herself through words.
My exh's neice, had 2 boys, both were really delayed. They didn't get the first one help until age 4.5 when he was suppose to go to school in the fall. He ended up in special ED for about 3 years when it could have been avoided.
I think it's worth talking about, if she isn't as vocal, sometimes it means the parents are lazy, or they just give her whatever she wants. Other times it's a sign. Honestly at my Ped's office, they make you check off milestones, I bet mom is just checking them off weither or not she is meeting them.
If dad doesn't care, it's going to just cause problems between the two of you. They hate to listen to us, even if we have more experience. DH's kids are 10 and 8, mine are 13 and 9. DH thinks I know nothing about raising kids. It's funny that our DD17mo is so verbal, meeting milestones ahead, etc.
DH said "oh how did she know to do xyz". Well DH I taught her by not treating her like a baby and by showing her what to do and how to ask.
These men are clueless sometimes. It's nice you want to help her but if her parents aren't on board you are headed for a fight.
This is such a difficult
This is such a difficult topic. Slow speech development is an early sign to other problems. However some children just talk later than others. Is there anything else you think might be of concern? Slow motor skills, lack of eye contact, not wanting to be held, repetitive behavior?
If not then I am 100% with MarieJeanne. Give her a chance and teach her.