Need advice and help
Many may not know my story, but I will say this it is horrible. But I really need to know what the next step is and how to go about getting it done. SD15 left the house today after she got in trouble. We called the police and the found her a few hours later with an 18 year old boy. The police officer said that we have a time frame of when we can file a report for a runaway and then they would take her to a detention center and she would have to go before a judge. This did not happen, they found her before that and brought her home. We talked with her and she has been sneaking out and having sex with this boy. And keep in mind that there is no remorse, embarrassment, or care. She says it matter of factly and with attitude. I just don't get it.
The police officer was real sweet and said that she definitely needed to be shown how to respect, as he put it. He was appalled when I told him just a few of the things she does. Has anyone had any experience with this or know of what to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
What is it about this that
What is it about this that bugs you the most? The sneaking out, her having sex or the age of the boy? Get you a nice cheap system that alerts you when the doors and windows are opened and install security cameras outside her bedroom door and window. Install locks on the window that keeps it from opening more than a few inches. Crack down on little miss and force compliance to house rules. The sex and the boy are not really anything you’re going to control. Best thing is to give it your begrudging blessing to open up honest conversations about birth control and domestic abuse.
What bothers me is the road
What bothers me is the road she is on. She is already on lock down and honestly I believe she is leaving school and seeing him. We have ADT and the door chimes when opened. For years she has acted out, but only defiantly toward me and only when her dad was not around. If he didn't see it then he did nothing. Well, I found a book and learned about disengagement, and I applied it. This really was a blessing at first, but then the teenage years and she upped her game. I will list just a few of the things, Pee bottles in her room so that it could be poured on my clothes(I put a lock on my door), Caught spitting in my drink(I never leave anything of mine away from me), lying on me about things said(I always record if she is speaking to me), tearing up my things only(lock anything that matters up), stealing my jewelry(taken to my parents home), writing me notes about killing me(what can you do).
Well a year ago her dad finally pulled his head up out of the sand, because SD could not control her anger. Meaning she would do this stuff in front of other people, his family being one of them. I developed, with help from a therapist, the mentality of no attention given to her when she acted out or said hateful comments in front of people. Well her dad finally said no more, we are a team and I will not hear SD's story anymore, now that was great, but honestly a little late. Now here we are, she wrote a letter of suicide and took Tylenol, spent 15 days in a behavioral unit, called social service on me and lied on me, everything is my fault her life is so bad, all because she has absolutely no affect on me, she gets no reaction from me what so ever. Even if I have to leave the house and scream and yell, she only sees a cool, calm attitude.
I have said for years that she needs mental help, she is not normal in her thinking. I begged for him to seek mental treatment, but he was blind to it. She has no empathy, remorse, morals, will lie about anything and everything. Her own grandmother could not stand her, called her a little bitch 3 days before she passed....the story. Grandmother on hospice, seen SD's shoes on her kitchen table, grandmother asked her to take them off her table, SD just looked at her and did nothing, grandmother called her a hateful b.....See you do not tell SD what to do, that makes her so mad, she gets angry.
Anyway a little of the story, I left some out because it is just too bad.
I love how your DH didn't do
I love how your DH didn't do anything about his daughter's behavior when she was targeting you, only when it made him look bad in front of others.
Well, now he's reaping what he's sown with his lack of parenting.
Here's what I think YOU should do: Stay disengaged as the therapist taught you, and let DH handle it. He can call around and find services for her, or ways to get legal involvement (in my area, you can file a petition with the court for help with a kid who runs away regularly). Don't get involved - you can listen to him and be supportive without taking over and figuring out what to do.
Honestly, though, if I were you, I'd have moved out long ago, when DH refused to address her behavior. You may not be able to continue to live there, even if you stay with DH. Or if you do, start pressing charges on her for thing that he does to you (stealing, destroying property).