Need Advice in N.C.
Once again we are having problems with BM. Last Sunday night we met with BM to exchange boys (my SSs). We were at the meeting place and on time as normal. When BM shows up, both boys get out of our Tahoe and walk over to BMs Accord. The boys tell their BM that they are not going with her, they are tired of her and all her lies, they fed up with her continus yelling and foul language. Per my SSs, they are done with her. She starts yelling even calls the oldest (14) a sorry Bastard. Tells them they will go with her or she will make sure they regret it. She also told the youngest (10) that if he does not go with her then she will have his dad arrest for breaking court order.
Monday morning we called our lawyer and explained everything that happened. We were told that BD could not be arrested because we were there to meet and we had done everything we were supposed to.
Last night was BM's night to get boys back. We arrived at meeting place (Local police department) at 5:20. Our meet time is 5:30. BM pulls up at 5:31(no big deal). Boys get out and do the exact same thing as Sunday night. The only difference is her lawyer was still in the office and she called him. Her lawyer came over and talked to me and BD. He told us we have to make boys go. They do not have a say if they want to go or not. The boys spolke up to her lawyer and told him that she is breaking court orders while they are with her. She is to be supervised at all times while they are with her. Her supervisor will be with her when she picks them up and then when they get to BM rent house the supervisor leaves. Lawyer said it does not matter, that is not enough reason for the boys not to go. Once again he tells BD that he MUST FORCE boys to go with BM.
The boys to not budge. Then her lawyer goes and gets a police officer to talk to us and boys. The office says there is a court order in effect and he is only there to enforce it. (There is nothing in our court order that says law enforcement may intervien.) He tells the boys they have no choice but to go, it does not matter if BM is breking court order or not and it also does not matter if they are going into an unsafe enviroment. If they do not go BD can go to jail and then they could be sent to juvie. HOW THE H*LL IS THAT POSSIBLE?
Oldest SS (14) tells officer if he is made to go then he will run away from BM. Officer then tells SS that if he runs away from BM he will go to juvie. WTF?!?!?!?!?
Her lawyer then comes back over to us and said BM does not want the oldest (14) she only wants to get he youngest (10). The 10 yr old sits down on the side walk and cries. He tells everyone he does not want to go. The lawyer and officer give him two choices, either go with BM or Dad will be arrested. 10 yr old goes cring the whole time.
Our lawyer is not back in the office until Monday, January 4th.
As parents, what can we do in this situation? We told the boys they would not be put in juvie. We told them not to worry but with BM, her lawyer and police making threats to arrest BD what were the boys supposed to do? What is the legal in North Carolina for a child to decided to walk away from a parent and not be forced to go back?
Thank you reading and any advice that you can give!
Children cannot make their
Children cannot make their own legal decisions until they are 18. You can petition to have visitation modified and the court may take the child's wishes into account when making a decision. Why don't they want to go? There has to be some real reason for the courts to consider modifying it. NC is pretty striict and law enforcement DOES get involved to enforce court orders (the court orders never say if law enforcement can be involved, that is a given). If BM chooses to fight it out, the boys HAVE to go. And if they repeatedly run away, they CAN be taken to juvie. I've seen it, and I am in NC.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
We have been told that law
We have been told that law enforcement cannot get involved unless it is in the court order. BM did not return a few times in the summer and we were told that as long as we have some type of contact that law enforcement could not do aything. We would have to have no contact with BM for 36 hrs and then we would have to file kidnapped charges. The officer also said that in NC at the age of 13 or 14 a child can decide on their own not to visit with a Biological parent.
I just don't know what to do or think anymore. Thank you for your help Melis!
If an officer is telling you
If an officer is telling you that, why did you say the officer told you they had to go? I'm confused. Law enforcement CAN get involved if visitation is withheld. My sister went to pick up her son from his dad's and the dad tried to keep him in the house and not let her take him. She went home, got her court order stating the visitation schedule, called the police to his residence and they showed up, and made dad hand over my nephew (she has custody and her ex's visitation time was over). This happened in my city in NC 4 years ago. I dont know where you live or if it varies by county, but their order doesnt say anything about police intervention, police are allowed to enforce court orders. Here, its the sheriff's office that does it.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
VIDEORECORD THE WHOLE THING
VIDEORECORD THE WHOLE THING NEXT TIME AND GO BACK TO COURT
"The boys spolke up to her
"The boys spolke up to her lawyer and told him that she is breaking court orders while they are with her."
Questions:
1. Which court orders?
2. How do the boys know this?
She is to be supervised at all times while the boys are with her. None of the court order supervisors are with them for more than an hour. The boys are left alone with their BM. She is not to come with in 100 yards of our home. While the boys are in the car with her, BM drives to by our home and even pulls in the driveway. She is not to take them to the doctor unless it is an emergency. She has taken them to the doctor a few times this past yr without BD knowing until we get the bill cause she will not pay a co-pay.
We keep out court order handly at all times. Both boys have read the court orders several times and talked to our lawyer about the things in the court orders that they did not understand.
Melis., I understand that an
Melis., I understand that an officer can step in if a parent is holding a child. However, we were not holding the boys. We actually had to get them by the arm and "pull" them out of our vehicle. We were not holding them, we werer telling them they needed to go. It was the boys refussing to go with their mother