Need Advice on school issues
SS13 has always been a spoiled coddled brat who is self centered and only wants to do things he wants. This being said school work has always been a problem and gotten WAY worse since SS got into middle school.
This being said it's only been two weeks since school has started and SS is already falling behind by refusing to do most HW, lying about it being done or studying for tests. Why do I care if the little asshole fails? Because I don't want him living with us at 30 jobless so it's in my best interest to see him do well in school.
So give me some thoughts on how to get a spoiled brat Motivated into doing well in school. It would be easier to Bribe SS with $$ as SS LOVES money. But not sure if paying SS to "be good and do his HW" is the right way to go. Thoughts on this?? Now Consequences for being Defiant seems more Appropriate but will be met with severe resistance on SS part and lots of fighting/screaming/headache. Thoughts??
I don't know if there is
I don't know if there is anything you can do.
Sd17 does nothing and always lies about her homework I never say a word.
I do know that if DH thinks SD will live here beyond high school I will leave him immediately......and never look back.
Lots of parents reward kids
Lots of parents reward kids for academic success. Certainly that could be done.. but you will find that it is difficult to maintain this motivation over a semester long time period when the issues you are having are day to day.. and final grades only happen a few times a year.
The first thing that needs to happen is that the boy's father needs to become more intimately involved in the boy's schoolwork. He needs to start reviewing homework... he needs to get a calendar and be aware of when assignments are due etc.. he can even see if the teacher's can share any syllabus info with him etc..
Second.. while the financial motivations are great... dad also needs to have more immediate consequences for failure to do his interim work as well.
Stepmom bribing him to get
Stepmom bribing him to get good grades won't work if BM and DH aren't on the same page and working together with you.
Can attest. A SM friend of
Can attest. A SM friend of mine offered her SS $1K (!) if he made it on the HS honor roll. But, BM and her DH don't care much about school, so the SS still had no motivation.
Exactly. I could have offered
Exactly. I could have offered SS anything and it wouldn't have worked because the minute he went to BM's, she'd give him money for just breathing in and out regularly. And in this case, the OP's DH is no better about school - my DH at least did try.
Your DH should be the one
Your DH should be the one bribing him not you. You need to talk to your DH about how to motivate him. do RDH is not going to sit and help him do his assignments then a passive motivation like bribery is probably the best bet.
I would not pay him for every single assignment but for every A on a test twenty bucks and maybe ten bucks for B's. The same for report cards.
You also need to both be on the same page about distractions. On school days his screen time outside of class needs to be very limited. You should not have access to video games TV or playing on his phone when there is school needs to be done. Again your DH needs to be the one enforcing this not you.
Make it payable at the end of
Make it payable at the end of the month/term AND reduce the sum by 10 dollars for every C, 20 per D, etc. Make sure the running total is displayed somewhere obvious like on the fridge door. Keep him focussed on his nest egg
To be clear it would NOT be me paying/Bribing SS but DH
BM is Stingy with her money Exactly like SS so very unlikely she would kick any $$ in when she knows DH will do it. DH has hinted around to me about paying SS to get him motivated to do his HW so DH would be all for it if I suggested DH should. But the fact SS is SO spoiled and SO Entitled Brat I did not know how I felt about paying him to do things he should just be doing for free. That's why I came here to ask Everyone's opinion
Honestly, I don't think it
Honestly, I don't think it will work even if DH does it. Kids who aren't motivated for school will only get semi-motivated for school if they are paid. And probably not for long. In order to be successful in school, a kid needs intrinsic motivation - meaning, it comes from within him.
And in this case, he also has parents who don't hold him accountable for anything. You'd be better of telling DH to parent as he pleases - but that you will not agree to live with SS past high school graduation age.
I would have no issue paying
I would have no issue paying a skids for good grades at the end of the semester, but that is so far off that I think you'd also need some negative consequences for missed assignments and the like in the meantime. I wouldn't want to pay for interim grades, though - the effort has to extend for the entire semester.
Out source his ass to
Out source his ass to Military School. Those young Cadet leaders chew up and spit out little turds like your SS. They will make him so miserable that he will in short order get with the program, straighten up, and fly right.
Any failure of performance that adversely impacts his fellow Cadets will be met with escalating levels of misery and even in the case of extreme examples, middle of the night blanket parties that will give him clarity that he has no choice but to per
form.
It works great. It did on my dad, on me, on my brother, and on my Skid.
There are several high quality reasonably priced Military boarding school options available that can work miracles with underperforming spawn.
Rewarding for acedemic
Rewarding for acedemic success is good , however not all the time . At the end of the day , the kid needs to realise that this is whats expected from him end of story! He is required to do his HW and shouldnt be overly rewarded for it. I can understand rewarding for report cards etc at the end of terms but not get rewards for just doing something that he his meant to do just like every other kid in his class
SD10 struggles in school too.
SD10 struggles in school too. I don't worry that she will want to live with us because BM has no rules. SD has already been calling every weekend asking DH "can I just stay with Mom this weekend?" even thought it's our scheduled time. DH usually agrees. It doesn't bother me. It's very obvious she favors BMs house. Also, we have a baby otw. When SD is 18 ready to move out. Our child will be 7. She gets annoyed easily and doesn't like to share. I can foresee her not wanting to come over just because the attention isn't on her. Don't stress yourself about school. Focus on having rules/expectations IF SK wants to live with you after 18. Make it as uncomfortable as possible. Paying rent, contributing to utilities, chores, holding a job, etc. That will probably drive SK away.
Take away everything. It can
Take away everything. It can be earned back as grades improve. Phone, computer, tv, etc. Try to get the kid to join some sport or something. If he spends on hour on homework, then he can get his phone for an hour. IDK, however you want to structure it.
What is he into? What person does he aspire to be? Then find a real world example of that person and he'll find out that they worked their butts off their whole life to get to where they are. Does he want to be a genius inventor like Elon Musk? Does he want to be a professional athlete? Find the real life example of who he wants to be like... Read about that person's life. Watch videos and interviews with them. He can see how they worked and had major setbacks and overcame difficulties.
So, you have a two pronged approach... Pain in short term of not getting what he wants NOW unless he works. And then there is the positive long-term aspiration to reach for becoming the person he WANTS to be.