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Need some ideas

Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Fri, 10/17/2008 - 10:56am

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I am a bio-and stepmom (my kids are grown up-I have one 24 year old finishing College and working -paying rent at home-he is no problem)

I have a 16 year old stepson who is very strange (aren't they all)-he was raised in a 50/50 share concept since the age of 4 and is an only child-long story short-DH and I got married -bio-mom bowed out and we have him 24/7.

We have had him assessed, did a bit of therapy -put him in activities all the things parent's do (he is not interested in participating in life outside the house-which I find strange for a teen) -turns out he is ok-his marks are good (70% average)senior in high school-

DH and my continual argument is that he virtually lives in the basement gaming 24/7-does not surface unless it is to eat or go to bed. He has 0 social skills and the personality of a wet blanket (along with acne I am trying to get DH to address) makes him not the most engaging young man to live with.

My question is two fold:

1. Am I out of line to try to get Dh to boot this kid off virtual gaming 24/7 and try to get him engaged in something out side of the house?

2. DH argument is along the lines of "so he has made a world in the basement (that he shares with two friends occasionally)-he does nothing else social! Don't fix what ain't broke-he is introverted period-I cannot make him go out of the house at 16.

He is going to Europe in March (148 days and counting...) Other than that-he is ALWAYS here--we actually schedule weekends away to get a break in our own house!-just the ominous 24/7 presence of him is tension for me DH thinks this kid is the greatest thing since sliced bread (as any parent would of the darling bio).

This weekend will be a weekend from hell-DH is going to Montreal to look after an aging father and Zippy (that's him) will be mushrooming in the basement while my girlfriends come over for dinner Saturday night-he will mope up stairs -make a plate and go down and not surface until Monday morning for school (yes he goes out of the house for that at least). My girlfriends will all shake their heads and say "Do something with Zippy-your the stepmom for Godsakes!" (none of them are in a blended situation).

I need ideas!!!!! Help

now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Fri, 10/17/2008 - 12:08pm

Is SS planning on going to college once he graduates? Because I can't imagine any junior? in high school who doesn't have to be involved in some sort of school activity or club or community service SOMETHING in order to fulfill his/her graduation requirements?

As my screen name denotes, having 5 teens, 2 who already graduated from HS, this seems like REALLY STRANGE behavior. Even my 15-yr-old son, who loves being in his room and playing his video games as well, manages to get out and play basketball with friends, take guitar lessons, volunteer with Special Olympics, and even wants to "hang out" at other kids' houses. Perpetually being secluded in his dark basement world just seems "creepy" to me.

Even my "special" son (who graduated) did a lot of activites. It was my responsibility as his parent to make sure he took part in appropriate social activities.

Now another question (and I'm sure you probably posted on this somewhere else), why is he going to Europe? On a school trip? That's at least social! Can you build on that experience when he comes back to get him out more?

And one more question- why, if he's not doing anything else, doesn't SS have a JOB????? This could help tremendously to improve his social skills. Plus, get him out of the house more and give you some much-needed "Zippy-free" time! Wink

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Fri, 10/17/2008 - 12:27pm

Sounds like Zippy is painfully shy. A part-time job may help build his self esteem and bring him out of his shell.

I'm thinking a place like The GameStop. It's a store where they sell new and used video games and gaming equipment. I think if you suggest a job in the gaming field he may be more open to it, I'd frame it by telling him if he gets a part-time job he'll have more spending money for his european vacation and gaming habit.

Just my 2 cents. Wink

~BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Fri, 10/17/2008 - 4:37pm

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

Zippy is going to Europe on a school trip for 10 days in March 09-I am happy about that-

In the meantime his dad has worked on his resume and he would like to work at a video store (it's the personality we have to work on if he wants customer service-so we will have to coach him)-he did do 40 hours of community service last year-we had sign up day at the high school for extra curricular stuff and he signed up for nothing (there is nothing I want to do)....at least we have Europe and hopefully he gets a job....

Thanks

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 10/17/2008 - 5:15pm

Could you get him to play an instrument? then he would have to leave for lessons, or maybe meet some people that way.

But there's always the classic: driving-!! and/or girls!!! if you can get him to clean up more?

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin