Those of us with teens
Found this article on what being 15-16 means .VS . .what it means for SS16 in our house
"Who Am I?"
You got through last year, though you hope nobody asks you how. ("OK, at least now I know the ropes.") But now you start to question if you really fit in with the kids you call your friends. It's just that you're changing so fast and they all seem to be staying in the same place. But what's even crazier is that you act just like them when you are with them, even though that isn't who you are—at least anymore.
WHAT FRIENDS?-SS16 LIVES IN THE BASEMENT IN CYBER WORLD
At the same time you dedicate yourself to your friends. Passionate relationships, new friendships, form and flower. Sometimes they cause a family crisis. ("Where did you come up with him?" "What do you see in her?" "Must you spend every hour with them?")
WE KEEP HOPING...SS16 WILL GET AN INTEREST IN REAL LIFE SOCIALIZATION AT ALL-MAYBE THE DOG WHISPERER CAN HELP?
You take a hard look at yourself and it puts you in a panic. ("I guess I'm not going to win an Olympic medal or be a professional superstar athlete.")
IN SS16'S CASE OF EXTREME LAZYITIS YOU CAN BET HE WON'T WIN!
You keep thinking about . . . SEX! (I have no idea what it means, but it sure sounds like fun. Don't worry, I have all the answers.)
SEE WE KEEP HOPING HE'S EVEN INTERESTED IN THE OPPOSITE SEX...
A Car! Freedom. Independence. Your own music. You reprogram the station presets, you scrape their old decals off the windows and bumpers. An apartment on wheels!
AGAIN WE KEEP HOPING-WON'T EVEN RIDE A BIKE LET ALONE SHOW ANY INTEREST IN DRIVING, HAS ACNE PIMPLES THE SIZE OF CRATORS, WON'T SHOWER BUT BECAUSE HE WILL NEED GLASSES FOR DRIVING (THAT WOULD MAKE HIM LOOK WEIRD)-HE REFUSES TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE.
You ask yourself if you really should throw that party. You could get away with it if you time it just right. Or should you go to that party what's-her-name is having? (If there is one pretty near-certainty, if experience with just about every school in the country counts, this is what will happen: Some sophomore will throw the Party from Parent Hell. With good luck, someone will be tipped off just in time to stop it.)
SS16 WOULD ASK-WHAT IS A PARTY? AGAIN SOCIALIZATION NEEDED.
Your body is out of control. (Help.)
YEP-VERY UNCOORDINATED-SPORTS WAS TOO HARD
You don't need any help. (I got to go.)
PLAYS HELPLESS SO DADDY OR ANY ADULT WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM
Deep down, you believe your home is a safe haven (relatively speaking).
TOO SAFE TO LEAVE
Deep down, you believe your home is a prison (relatively speaking).
NO WAY -WILL HAVE TO PRY HIM OUT WITH A CROW BAR AT 40
You question authority everywhere: at home, in stores, and at school.
NOPE-JUST MAKE SURE THAT THEY DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU
Your Season of Experimentation begins.
STILL HOPING
Your year comes in like a lamb and goes out like a lion.
WE'LL SEE
You ask yourself: Who are my friends? Do I have any friends? But most important, what is a friend anyway?
THE LATER
Someday they'll probably make a movie of your life.
IT WOULD BE A PRETTY BORING MOVIE OF 24/7 VIDEO GAMING, EATING AND SLEEPING
out on left field here
two thoughts:
1. Is it possible that some of the games the zipster plays are online, like with other humans, approximately his age? If that's the case, it is possible he has, what he considers a social life. World of Warcraft is like that...
okay if the answer is no, my reply is that I think zippy needs help. I know you might as well bang your head against the wall, b/c your H is convinced prince zippy is perfect, and therefore, couldn't possibly need help, but this sounds like a young man with zero self confidence, strength of character or personal pride. if the fact that he is socially devoid of any friends doesn't bother him, maybe he has some sort of chemical imbalance. Believe me, there are other nerdy socially awkward pimple faced gamers out there, he is not alone, and usually they band together and become a "nerd herd" LOL. I find it bizarre that zippy wouldn't have found himself one of these social circles. Have you talked to his guidance counselor? Maybe what you see at home is different than at school?
I dunno Endora, I hate to say it, but at the rate you guys are going, Zip will still be living in your basement at 40. Have you seen stepbrother the movie? LOL, a less socially awkward version of zip I guess...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Good Points NS
Actually Zippy plays on line with a few friends from school-DH is pretty good at monitoring who he is playing with and what he is viewing-so it's good there.
DH believes Zippy will need therapy at some point -but you cannot force them-SS would just clam up at this time-DH encourages him to talk about what is going on inside -but I don't think SS has the words yet.
At school he is a different person apparently-he gets along with most of his teachers (they find him lazy however -quelle surprise!)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
well that's encouraging
I have several friends who didn't get their licenses until they were in their 20s. They had friends who they went out with in cars, and that was good enough.
And lazy well, I think that's a teen thing, most teens are very very lazy, with school work, etc. SD IS a good girl, but it's like a lightbulb going off for her to realize she COULD actually do MORE than what's required, WHOA!
Therapists do have training and experience to draw out people who don't want to talk. Find a good one who specializes in adolescents, and, at least during therapy, I'm sure zip will open up. One thing with teens, given the right circumstances, they LOVE to talk about themselves and their interests. I wouldn't chalk it up to impossible just b/c SS won't talk to dad, that's really different...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
dont laugh
but my FH oldest brother was still living at his parents house till about 5 yrs ago he is 43!!
and that is what he was doing, had a dead end job and came home and played games online, and no big surprise he is unmarried and single..just in case anyone is interested !! he is a CATCH!! (ok sarcasm off)
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."