New to this - Biological Dad problems
Apologies if this type of thing has been posted a million times before.
In a nutshell, my 13yr old SD is terribly terribly rude to her mum and also to me too. She is a total spoilt brat, who has turned into a horrible little girl.
However I think that one of our biggest problems is her BD who unfortunately has showered her and her 2 sisters with no love but just money, hence the spoilt bratt comment. He left my wife when she was 6 months pregnant with the youngest (13,11 and 9)
When my wife calls him to ask for back up on grounding or to agree not to give the eldest money etc all he says is its not my problem, she has a problem with you not me.
Now I personally think children, especially girls, are more fearful of their dad than mum and he should appreciate that he need to discipline them as well, otherwise they will never learn to respect their mum
Am I wrong ?
In the past when I have had
In the past when I have had problems with my children I would run to my X and ask him to back me up with grounding them for when things went bad here at our home, or how they would treat me. He used to back me up, and then he stopped due to the fact that he realized he has his household, and we have ours and if he chooses to not do that then there is nothing I can do about it.
I think that is pretty much how it is in most divorced families.. just my op:)
I am in agreement
with frustrated mom. I would stick by the groundings while the SD is at your house. Sooner or later things will change. We only have SD14 every other week and went through the same thing. Kind of hard to have her grounded the entire time to her room when she only spends 6 days a month with us. BM would never in a million years agree to anything we suggested so my DH told SD14 that if she continued to pull her BS, she would not be welcome in our house. He would visit her once a week for a couple hours.
It took 2 months and she has finally realized we are not dealing with her bad attitude and disprespect towards me. It has seemed to work because we have not had problems for 3 months. Hang in there it is a constant struggle.
Tough love
You are absolutely correct.
Unfortunately he has a very valid fear of hearing the words "I don't want to see you anymore" which almost every kid springs on a non-custodial parent. Which is usually the father. The parent is literally afraid of the child.
Your only hope is to convince the bio-dad that its more important FOR HIS CHILD to have a father and not a pal. Even if this means a few years of visitation will be lost. I guarantee you this the kid will re-establish a relationship with her Dad once she realizes that he was right all along.
But this information will not be accepted coming from you. I would suggest that you have him attend one counseling session with a family counselor with that specific subject on the table.
If he refuses to go then you go alone and then the subject will be how to convince him to attend the next session and/or how you can demonstrate to your husband how important this is.
If this fails then you tell your husband that his spoiled brat is not welcome in the house and he'll have to make other arrangements.
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There's an exception to everything I say.