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New GF, and am growing to dislike her 6 year old son

Snappy's picture

Hello All,

GF and I have been dating for 4 months. I have no children; we are both in our 40s. We have great chemistry and she could be The One. She has a 6 year old son whom she had as a single parent. He is used to being the center of her world, and is whiney and cries easily in general. With regard to me/us he goes out of his way to physically separate us when we are close or hugging, and has no qualms saying that he wishes I wasn't around, and does things like asking his mother to come into the next room without me. To her credit, my GF refuses to give in to these behaviors. However, they have gotten worse, not better, over time.

Clearly he feels threatened by my and by my GF's attention not being solely on him when I'm around, I get that. She reassures him constantly, is very affectionate with him, supports him, etc. But discipline in lax. He's allowed to get away with shocking table manners for example. He has no chores, he leaves a mess wherever he wants.

For my part, I try hard, and I generally love children. I play with him and he likes to play with me, we go places that are fun together. And I help my GF out around the house and with appointments she has by watching him. I really want to like him...but I don't.

My GF and I have talked about this several times and she does try to talk to her son about it. But she's defensive of him and at the same time worried about losing me.

Long story short, I love her but am growing to dislike him intensely. GF and I have started talking about moving in together but given this situation I am having serious misgivings and want to minimize the hurt all around if this is a lost cause. I just don't have the experience to know.

I'd appreciate some commentary from others on this...should I give this more time, or is this situation unlikely to improve?

Many thanks--Snappy

Snappy's picture

Hello All,

GF and I have been dating for 4 months. I have no children; we are both in our 40s. We have great chemistry and she could be The One. She has a 6 year old son whom she had as a single parent. He is used to being the center of her world, and is whiney and cries easily in general. With regard to me/us he goes out of his way to physically separate us when we are close or hugging, and has no qualms saying that he wishes I wasn't around, and does things like asking his mother to come into the next room without me. To her credit, my GF refuses to give in to these behaviors. However, they have gotten worse, not better, over time.

Clearly he feels threatened by my and by my GF's attention not being solely on him when I'm around, I get that. She reassures him constantly, is very affectionate with him, supports him, etc. But discipline in lax. He's allowed to get away with shocking table manners for example. He has no chores, he leaves a mess wherever he wants.

For my part, I try hard, and I generally love children. I play with him and he likes to play with me, we go places that are fun together. And I help my GF out around the house and with appointments she has by watching him. I really want to like him...but I don't.

My GF and I have talked about this several times and she does try to talk to her son about it. But she's defensive of him and at the same time worried about losing me.

Long story short, I love her but am growing to dislike him intensely. GF and I have started talking about moving in together but given this situation I am having serious misgivings and want to minimize the hurt all around if this is a lost cause. I just don't have the experience to know.

I'd appreciate some commentary from others on this...should I give this more time, or is this situation unlikely to improve?

Many thanks--Snappy