Hello,

I am a mess right now. The past three years have been pure hell. I really dislike my SD's from my marriage. They aren't really bad kids, but they treat their mom so terrible and I stand up for her and my wife feels like all I have done is push them away. A little backstory. Their father is a textbook narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. He has a girlfriend who is pure evil and has done everything to poison my SD against their mother and eventually me, after I came into the picture. My wife always felt like she had to "make up" for who their dad was and so she bought them stuff, never made them do chores, and never set boundaries becuase she didn't want to be a dick, like their dad. That is part of the problem. She is aware that she created two entitled monsters who have no repsect for her. They never help out around the house, they treat any attempts at setting rules as suggestions, and whenever I would get frustrated and try to set some rules, my wife would push back and not do anything. She said it was easier to just buy them whatever they wanted, get them whatever they wanted, and let them "be theirselves" at our house. her mom and sister yellled at her for years for doing that and so it has always been a particularly sore subject. Last year, my wife went to court to force her ex to pay child support. The night before the hearig, he filed a motion suing for custody and placement, looking to cut my wife out of her kids lives forever. We learned a painful lesson that the judicial and family court system do a terrible job when it comes to understanding the level of emotional abuse in play when one parent engages in narcissistic abuse. We ended on the wrong side and lost placement and since then, I have watched my SD change and start acting like their dad and his girlfriend, and I won't allow them to do that to their mom. They have no idea what they are doing to their mom. Their dad and his girlfriend have completely brainwashed them and they both talk like them, yet claim no one ever talks about us over there. I didn't think it was possible to hate kids, but I hate them.I love their mother I hate them because their dad is using them to destroy my whatever is left of my wife. They now discount everything they were ever told about their dad and claim my wife is making it all up, I understand they are essentially prisoners who have to toe the line or they feel their dad's narcissistic wrath. I watch them gaslight their mom and I hate them for it. I also hate that we lost court becuase the older sd, wouldn't attend summer school, which was required, and when she didn't go, the court decided that my wife was an unfit mother because she couldn't get her daughter to school. My oldest SD had undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and BD would never let my wife get her tested. he then used her academic struggles against my wife in court. She conveniently forgot that all she had to do was attend summer school and she wouldn't do it and then on top of it blames my wife for her parents getting divorced. Their father picked my wife up and slammed her on the ground, cracking her skull wide open, and now both girls say they don't believe us and further gaslight their mom. I was bringing them home from school and they accussed me of loving their mom more then them and i said yes, I love your mom more than I love you guys, that is how this works. I know I have completely ruined whatever relationship might have been possible with them. I know they don't understand what is going on but I never thought being a stepparent would be like this. I love my wife, I can't stand her kids, they are selfish, entittled, and don't have any respect for their mom. I have been treated like a doormat, who is expected to do whatever they want. My wife now realizes this was a mistake and she should never have allowed them to treat me the way they did. I feel like I am close to losing my marriage because my wife feels like I am the reason why we lost court, because I treated the girls like a burden and pushed them away. We lost court becuase the oldest SD didn't go to summer school and neighter SD had anything negative to say about their dad, even though neither of them could stand going there. I have spent the past 5 years killing myself for my wife and SD and I feel so angry at how I did everything their BD didn't and was still brushed aside and treated like shit. I feel like crying as I write this because it feels like my life is falling apart and I am watching my wife go slowly insane from this.