New here and yes, I have lost my mind....thanks for asking
I would like to start by saying this place is awesome. So glad I found you...
Issue.
His ex is an idiot that lies, steals, forged his name to FEDERAL documents and he won't stand up to her!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????
I love him to pieces, he is a hard working, loyal and honest man. He is better to my kids than their own father is. BUT why won't he stand up to this b*&ch (can I cuss here??) I just don't get it.
She calls his phone and he rants and raves at the phone. But won't tell her to stop calling. She called to let him know she took the dog to the vet. ITS NOT HIS DAMN DOG. I have had to "explain" that we aren't taking her calls because we don't want to talk to her and not to call unless it is a kid related. Yes, one of us will be there on Fri at 5 to pick them up. And bring them back on Sun at 5. No differnt than the last year.....why do you have to call to check??
Am I evil?
Your not evil. Welcome to
Your not evil. Welcome to steptalk. Your husband needs to start setting boundaries now or it can start getting really bad. Maybe you two should compose an email and tell her:
Please only call when it is a kid related emergency, if it is not an emergency please email, and dh will get back to you by the end of the week.
Again welcome
I have been on/off this site for a long time, often changing my names and taking breaks but I can always find some new/old friends here 
no your not evil. and some
no your not evil. and some times the only word is a cuss word. These BMs are insane. I recommend if he doesnt start to see the stuff you point out. Have him read some of the stories and responses on this site. It really opened up my FDH's eye to see others points of view on issues.
One thing you could try with
One thing you could try with your DH is to say "Honey, do you love me more than yelling at your ex? Then please, just hang up. As a woman I can assure you that by still bieng on the phone with her is EXACTLY what she wants. She wants your attention whether is it good or bad. Now I want your attention. And each time you get into a phone fight with BM it means one less time you can *insert fav. foreplay activity*. Worked for my husbasnd when he went on and on about his ex. Practically stopped ihm in his traks.
I'm not surprised.
I'm not surprised. Narcissists rarely let go of their targets (the ones they take out their rage on), even after divorce. They demand that everyone respect their boundaries, if you don't there will be hell to pay; however, they don't need to adhere to other's boundaries. In their mind, they're entitled to tromp at will. When I finally realized I was entrenched in this dynamic, I began to study personality disorders and the narcissist behavior. I'm glad I did. It helped to win our court case, without ever going to court, because we maneuvered in such a way that motivated her to settle. Once you thoroughly learn about the "N" you can recognize them instantly. They have common behaviors that make you say "OMG that's who I'm dealing with!"
Oh I know those types WELL.
Oh I know those types WELL. I actually have an 18 year old in a group home for BOTH those diagnoses. I just don't get her. I mean my ex and I get along and we talk. But, it is relavant to the kids or something "we" have to deal with. Taxes were screwed up...we went to IRS and took care of it together.....case closed....went our seperate ways.
She can't pay her half the bills she got in the divorce....calls HIM and asks HIM to make her payments this month!!! Serious as hell!!! UGH....
Oh, the similarities! I
Oh, the similarities! I actually paid off a credit debt she was suppose to be responsible for but kept defaulting on. She would have continued to hurt DH's credit. I removed that power from her quickly. BM is always broke, yet she finds money to go to the casino and smoke 2 packs a day. Most of her kids have been taken from her, so she has lost CS for all but one child. Though, that child will be 18 soon. She refuses to pay for anything, ever, that's the fathers job.
A few years ago, she took SD's $50 that she had earned for her grades and used it to buy tickets for all her kids (4 of them) at the fair. She was there when I told SD that $20 of the $50 she earned sounded like a reasonable amount to take to have fun with. I was trying to teach SD how to save some and enjoy the fruits of her labor at the same time. BM purposely made sure SD relinquished all of it. Then the next year, she had the gall to call SD and tell her to ask her dad for a couple of bucks. That's what we sent, $2.00. She was livid, and had the nerve to have her partner call and tell us that we hadn't sent enough money. I was floored that she expected us to send money with SD for her family outing. I put the kibosh on that real quick. She tried one more time, but she now realizes she will get nothing.
BMs are the pits! I am my BF
BMs are the pits! I am my BF 1st relationship since they split 3 years ago and she can't stand it! We raise SD7 with NO child support, yet he was paying her phone bill (so BM could call SD once in awhile) and giving her part of his tax return. WTF is wrong with these men??? I put an end to that and also told him she is to stop contacting him when we are away for a romantic weekend. She's busy with her own BF but has to always interfere with us. And tells him every mundane event in her miserable existance. He did finally tell her to stop calling unless it was about SD7, and that he's not interested in details about her life. They both still slip up though. We're not evil for our thoughts. We're saints for putting up with it all!
This took probably a few
This took probably a few years to get right for my DH. Early on there were a few calls to fix the computer or a flat tire - in the spirit of doing it for the kids. One day I rattled off an e-mail to the effect she either needed to find another Mr FixIt or become more independent. It didn't resolve much at that time but I felt better having written it.
Over time DH found the times to decline and it worked itself out.