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New Here...and I have unusual step-family circumstances!!

fairy-lily's picture

Submitted by fairy-lily on Fri, 08/04/2006 - 12:20pm

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Hi everyone,

Am new here was browsing through and found a lot of posts that relate to how i feel too...!

Better tell you all a bit about myself.. We have a pretty unsual set of circumstances.

Met my partner in August 2003. In January 2004, his ex girlfriend, who he saw for 1 month spring 2003, sent him a letter. The letter announced that she gave birth to my partners son in August 2003. Very big shock as you can imagine! Got even more shocking though...as the next month i fell pregnant! So I now have a son who is 20 months and a step-son who is 2 1/2. Me and my partner married this June Smile

So our family set-up is pretty unusual... hubby never got a chance to be a proper daddy to his first son, and used to visit him once a month. but now we have 1 full day a month together. the ex said from the start that she didn't want him and her to be a couple, just that she wanted her son to know his dad.

for a while after getting the letter, i kept quiet about things because me and partner had only been together 6 months when we got that letter...and
as time went on i had more and more questions in my head.

the ex reckons she didn't tell my husband she was pregnant cos 'he didn't come into her thoughts' also she reckons she was in denial for a while, never had scans etc. she was 19 when she fell pregnant (i'm 20 now, and hubby is now 31).

we've had a few problems with her so far, but on the whole she is reasonable. might post up about some of the problems some time soon.

anyway think thats given you enough to get your heads around..!
but i have a lot of the same probs as the rest of you...feeling angry towards the ex for not telling my partner she was pregnant, etc... think i'll get a lot from this site.

Smile

Allyceson's picture

Submitted by Allyceson on Fri, 08/04/2006 - 2:17pm

Glad you joined. Smile

fairy-lily's picture

Submitted by fairy-lily on Sat, 08/05/2006 - 2:43am

there is no doubting that the child is my husbands - he looks the spit of my husband, and our son and the step-son look similar too. he did think about a dna test right at the beginning but decided that he believed his ex when she said she didn't sleep with anyone else at the time.

finding my happy place's picture

Submitted by finding my happ... on Sat, 08/05/2006 - 4:10pm

there should be a law that every child born should be tested.It would eliminate so much drama. And even tho the baby may look like the father.. that doesnt mean anything.. how many times has a man said the baby doesnt look like me.. and a test shows different.
I would be cautious with someone who doesnt say anything for long lengths of time about a pregnancy..could mean many things.. like she tried to pin it on someone else and it didnt pan out. you never know.

fairy-lily's picture

Submitted by fairy-lily on Sun, 08/06/2006 - 6:41am

thanks for the comments has given me a lot to think about. have mentioned it to my husband but he says he is confident in his heart that the child is his...i still think it is fishy though and the fact she kept it secret adds to the oddness. but her story could be true - she did keep the pregnancy a secret even from her mum (who she lives with) and only told her workplace she was pregnant. i don't think my husband wants to go down the DNA route - he is so sure that the boy is his... i guess we'll never know for 100% certain now.