New stepmom, SO stressed!
This whole stepmom thing is so much harder than I thought! I was a mother before and it was the most amazing thing. My son passed away 2 weeks before his second birthday and I'm still grieving his death, especially now because my son's birthday is this Friday. My step son has been getting more and more defiant with me and I don't know what to do. He's 3 years old and his biological mother is not in the picture. My fiance hasn't been in a relationship in a few years, so I know this is a huge change for his son to have someone else getting his father's attention. We all live together and I'm the only one working right now. I work 6 days a week, so I'm not home a whole lot. My main problem right now is that my step son refuses to sleep at night. We get him in bed by at least 10 every night and he just refuses to sleep. He comes into our room every 5 minutes with a different excuse as to why he can't sleep and can't lay in his bed and this goes on for hours. Last night he didn't go to sleep until 2:30am. This is really beginning to wear me down because I get up at 6 every morning for work. He never had a problem going to sleep before I moved in, so I know this is because of me, and I don't know what to do. He also has been refusing to listen to anything I say. I don't punish him, and I don't get mad at him, I just ask him not to do things. I do get very frustrated, but I don't let it effect the way I talk to him or treat him. I need help!!
You need to get a tad firm
You need to get a tad firm with him. If he is disobeying you, I suggest time out. It is a very effective tool. Also get your SO on board with this. It sounds like your step son is being possessive with your SO, which is understandable and to be expected. Before you, it was just him and dad, now splitting that time with you, he might feel a bit threatened.
Try putting him in time out each time he doesn't listen, but have your SO take him out of time out and have him explain that he should mind what you tell him to do. It might take several times, but eventually he'll get it. As far as bed time, it would be time to be stern. Even if he throws a tantrum, let him, crying never killed anyone. Walk him to his bed each and every time, this will be frustrating, but you gotta draw the line. You don't want this small habits turn into bigger behavioral problems.
Also, I am so sorry for the loss of your child.
Baby gate his bedroom door.
Baby gate his bedroom door. My daughter was doing this and I got one of those tall metal ones that have a foot press so they swing like a door. She would still play in her room but would wear out and get bored and fall asleep A LOT faster since should couldn't get out of the room and be more stimulated.
At 3 years old, I would think
At 3 years old, I would think he should be getting to bed before 10pm. Make bedtime a routine so he becomes used to it, and start it earlier.
Either way, stop giving him the attention. Like the other poster suggested, baby gate his room or something to keep him in there. He keeps getting up because he keeps getting a reaction to it.
Maybe get some books or other resources on how to deal with toddler stress and sleeping issues.