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Newbie- I feel so powerless

cookiemonster08's picture

Submitted by cookiemonster08 on Sat, 04/09/2011 - 8:06pm

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It has just been one screaming match after another in my house this morning. DH is at work all day until 10pm. My stepsons fight constantly and it escalates into screaming, hitting and throwing stuff within seconds. I try to stop them but it feels so out of my control. I do not deserve to live somewhere where screaming and hitting is a way of settling conflict and my son doesn't deserve to see it. It is not acceptable for me. I feel so powerless. They don't really listen to me or anyone really. I just hate that I have to be here and try to control this all alone. I want to just walk out the door with my one year old and go somewhere peaceful.

DH and I have had full custody for 4 years now. I do my best to be nice and understanding. I'm just walked all over. My oldest stepson, 13, stormed out today and I have no idea where he went. I don't care. I called DH at work but I know what I expect him to do. This isn't fair to me. Maybe if they were my kids and I'm the one who taught them to act this way, it would be my payback. As kind, understanding and loving as I am, I can't undo 10 and 13 years of bad parenting by their mom.

SS13 finally came home and has been up in his room for 9 hours now. DH talked to him earlier and he is mad at me for telling him what to do. I think DH expects me to apologize to him.

I just really don't know what to do. I needed to tell someone, even if it is just the internet. I'm new here and I haven't done a lot of lurking yet, so forgive me if I don't know all the lingo yet or if I have mis-stepped in any way.

Mrsbmckee's picture

Submitted by Mrsbmckee on Sat, 04/09/2011 - 10:44pm

I just want to applaud you for being able to deal with full custody! If I had to see my husbands kids more than once per week I would be gone or dead from suicide! I can't stand brats and my son 8 month is not allowed to be around it if his are acting out. My kid... My rules! If you aren't comfortable you've got to make tour wishes known! And quite frankly they are not your responsibility. Your husband needs to punish then for not listening to you and if he doesn't you do it! Ground them. Take away games! Let them storm off where else are they going to go? Back to moms? Better for you! They need to shape up and until you have support from your husband I'd leave when they acting like brats. Live your life and get your child out if that scene !

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Sun, 04/10/2011 - 12:19am

I'd just let the little buggers sit in their rooms all day. Dh had full custody from ages 1-9-maybe I should say I had full custody of him as dh was gone all the time. So I know how you feel.
You have to take control of your household. I dont care whether you birthed those boys (thank goodness you didnt)you are an adult in your home and they are in your care-you set the rules and they listen or you will give them a consequence. If your dh doesnt like that then he can find a babysitter for his "babies" or take off work to be with them all the time.

I do not watch ss13 at all anymore and will not. Not that most 13 year olds need to be watched, but he does. Not even for dh to run to the store. SS refuses to listen to me or accept my authority-it is not a safe situation to leave him in my care-not safe for ss-nor safe for me since I have no control over him. With your ss taking off and disappearing like that-that wasnt particularly safe either. I would freak if one of my kiddos just took and disappeared when they were mad like that-i'd probably call the police and quite frankly that's what I would suggest if he pulls that stunt again.

Maybe you've been too loving and kind. Time for tough love.