not invited to wedding

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My fianc'es son is getting married to a entitled bitch from another country. They are legally married bc she needed a green card. Now they having a "real" wedding/party and are exclding me. We have been together 5 years, live together and own property together.

We do not get along but I keep quiet to keep the peace. She is a pot stirrer and casuing lots of crap. What do you think that my Fiance should say or do. hes in a bad position. The wedding is a small wedding weekend out of state and he does not speak to his x wife.

I know what people will say...

I have a feeling everyone will say to tell your BF to man up and demand that you be included. But I would take this snub as a gift. This means you never have to deal with them in the future. No cards, no gift shopping, no further events, no babysitting in the future, etc. Tell your DH to go and good luck to them. Lucky you, you're done.

Thank you, you made me feel

Thank you, you made me feel bette. He did defend me and demand I be invited. I have less than zero desire to go. I would have gone and faked it.

why go where you aren't

why go where you aren't wanted? call a friend, set up a spa day/lunch date/whatever you're into day and pamper yourself that day.

I wish I would be able to be

I wish I would be able to be so magnanimous. Unfortunately, I know I would never be able to forgive my DH for not standing by my side. If you can live with this, it is the way to go.

I agree. he best not go nor

I agree. he best not go nor should his parents.

but they are all adults and

but they are all adults and they have to decide for themselves. Now I agree, he should see this for what it is a slap at you. And if it were my 'us' I'd have a difficult time with this but I think and hope that I'd not get on his case if he did go. The temperature of our relationship would be much cooler but if it is his son, I can see why he might decide to go

It's silly... the best way

It's silly... the best way for these things to go is to have the couple issue a token invite.. to politely decline since you "can't get away" and send your DH to watch his kid get married..but that takes two sides to do that..haha.

I agree with the gift comment. You are no longer required to bend your life for them one bit. Now, your DH does have a decision to make. How much of a relationship will he have with this couple who will not recognize the status of his own relationship? What will he do for them.. gifts.. financial help? will they still expect him to be all in.. or do they understand that by excluding his partner.. they are risking contact with him too?

I mean, I get it to some extent. If the divorce of the parents was particularly bitter and the new partners don't get along with the adult skids.. I could see the couple not wanting to bring them into a situation where drama could ruin their "perfect day".

but... ettiquette would dictate that partners should be included in these social events..

I mean, personally? I would be fine staying back.. but then again.. my SD's do invite me but don't get mad if I send regrets (and a gift..lol). they don't want to force me to spend time with their mom haha.

This, but...

I would go somewhere fabulous with fabulous friends and post it on social media real time. Take that, SD.

exactly, because in the step

exactly, because in the step kid's mind we are all just sitting at home sad and mopey that we weren't invited, don't give them the pleasure

My oldest brother did not go

My oldest brother did not go to our younger brothers wedding because his wife was not excluded. I always found that thats what a strong couple should do. Your spouse not invited? Ok not going, end of story. Your a couple, a team. In my opinion my oldest brother did the righy thing.

His wife was not included**

Thank you too. I agree with

Thank you too. I agree with you and you made me feel better.

I wouldn't have him not

I wouldn't have him not attend the wedding, but I would join him on the trip and do something nice for yourself during the wedding. Then plan some nice things for you guys to do in the area for the rest of the visit.

I get wanting to be a united front but his relationship with his kid does matter.

I would do this too, why not

I would do this too, why not make it an enjoyable trip for you? In fact it sounds a lot more enjoyable to do anything but to go to the wedding!

his whoe family and parents

his whoe family and parents and brothers and other kids at the wedding and I sit in a hotel room. no thank you. rather be away with my friends. the bride and groom are wring and disrespectful.

Exactly!

whole

This sounds like it is a big

This sounds like it is a big family wedding and everyone is invited except you. I think if that happened here that my husband would not go without me. The bride and groom are trying to prove a point. It sounds like your husband brought it up to them. I would not go without my husband- it would be awkward.

I've read responses and gone back and forth but

I am with you Peach. I would never go to anything that my husband was not invited to. And as annoyed as I can get at my DH for things, I know he would never go to anything that I was not invited to.

I know there are those saying but it is his child getting married and I see that, that is why I was going back and forth on it. So, my answer now to that is when you make such very drastic decisions to invite your parent without their spouse, I am thinking that you should be full well prepared for the consequences of that choice and that your parent may not come. And your parent in making that decision is making the only decision that they could in the horrible situation their child put them in. It's ALL on the son!!! His fault his problem and he is making a very serious long-term decision by being so petty as to not invite her!!!

There are really no legitimate reasons to not invite your parent’s spouse or anyone’s spouse for that matter. It is one day a matter of hours. Find the maturity to do the right thing.

Is your fiance still legally married?

I saw in your profile that your fiance is not officially divorced. Is that still the case?

If you

Have zero desire to go, and would've faked it anyway does it really matter? Honest question.

If you already feel that way surely your partner is free to make is own decision about going or not

This. OP and her SS don't get

This. OP and her SS don't get along, and I'm assuming that he was already/nearly an adult when she and her FH got together. I do think that changes things a bit since OP and SS have likely never had a relationship. Add in that OP didn't want to be involved in the wedding, or anything else in SS's life, and I can see why an invitation wasn't extended. Plus, given that OP calls the FW a b*tch (which she may very well be), it's entirely possible that the relationship OP, SS, and his FW have is not civil. No matter who is in the wrong on that, the bride and groom shouldn't have to invite folks whom they have a hostile relationship with to the wedding, whether they are the causes of the hostility or not.

If OP's DH wants to go to his son's wedding, and OP is actually relieved to not have to go, I think she just needs to be okay with her DH wanting to go. As SPs, we can't tell our spouses that we're allowed to dictate the kinds of relationships we want to have with our SKs but they are beholden to us solely when it comes to relationships with their kids. Should DH miss the wedding and take a stand with his wife? Maybe. In this particular situation, though, where OP is happy to be excluded, that seems like the wrong hill to die on.

It doesn't harm OP if her DH goes. Her SS already hates her, and the feeling is mutual. Let DH make whatever decision he wants to make.

This. OP and her SS don't get

It doesn't harm OP if her DH goes. Her SS already hates her, and the feeling is mutual. Let DH make whatever decision he wants to make.

Im in the "if you are excluded, partner doesnt go" camp

However things are sure to blow up, if these lines are drawn.

I like the idea of you having a blast on your own that weekend, however this sets a precedent that you can be excluded for everything in the future, and thats called shunning which is abuse.

DH, for all his flaws, would never do that. He wouldnt allow SD22 Feral Forger to exclude me from her (miserable) graduation. He just states to her that Im his partner/wife, Im the one he chose.

Aweful

I have a friend who's much older than me(used to be my boss). We are very close friends and she tells me her husband sees his family seprrate and she is never included in anything. Says he does it in order to see his grandkids. This has been going on for 10 years!I think this is AWEFUL! ALL the events she is left to stay at home. No freaking way. It shows that its ok toexclude his spouse.

wow

DH needs to do the right thing and stand by her side. . Why dont they want her at the events.

I mean...

I might be in the minority here, and I get that you're just venting, but I'd be willing to bet that you treat her like crap and that's why she doesn't want you there to ruin her day. Your fiance should stand up for you, yes, but if he doesn't, you have to decide if that's a deal breaker.

But why would you want to be part of a family that treats you like dirt anyway?

wrong

why would I treat her or anyone like "crap". thats not me, but thank you for your input.

Not a wedding. However, if

Not a wedding. However, if your mate is invited, you are too. Go on his arm and shred the biotch if she steps out of line. Enjoy the feasting and libating on your SO's arm. Be radiant.

But her mate is still married.

According to her bio done 5 months ago, she is "living and engaged to man who is not divorced." I asked her if this was still the case (above) but she did not respond. That is a relevant bit of information, I think.

Curiouser & curiouser. Yep, definitely pertinent.

Thanks for the additional information.

Why would anyone do this? Be engaged to someone who is married to someone else?

Odd.

Possibly the divorce is being

Possibly the divorce is being dragged out. Maybe BM isn't signing the papers? I don't know, but there are plenty of reasons. I'm lucky DH was never married to BM. But my 1st marriage was difficult to finalize as he left the country, so it was my job to get the lawyer, get all the paperwork done and submitted and finalized, i had to go to court and do it all.... and i was a single mother with no money, no job, it took years for me to be able to pay for it all AND take care of my kids needs.

Understood.

I was fortunate. My XW left me for her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy. My DW was never married to the Spermidiot.

I am happy for you that you were able to finalize your divorce.

Oh me too... i was able to

Oh me too... i was able to move into my mom's house, get student loans, go to a trade school, once i was out i got a decent paying job (not a great one), pay off the lawyer and the student loans within 2 years after graduating.

Not relevant. Alot of couples

Not relevant. Alot of couples arnt divorced due to many reasons. Im sure she wouldn't be pursuing him if he was still living with his soon to be ex wife.

In my bachelor days, both

In my bachelor days, both prior to my first marriage and after the demise of that tragic period in my life, I was of the mind that boyfriends were for getting rid of if I met someone of mutual interest. Though if there was a ring, I honored that. Ring or not, I could not be in a relationship with someone who was at the very least not formally and legally separated. Even then, I would be exceptionally wary.

Just my thoughts of course.

yes

divorced now.

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