It is fine not to love your stepkids. I think this is what people forget if you were babysitting would you expect yourself to love those kids? Probably not, and if you did it would take time because with the exception of your own biological children it takes time to fall in love and sometimes even if you like and respect someone it never happens. Its not bad its natural, as long as you treat them with respect you don't have to love them, love is an extra it might come it might not, but if it does come it will take time like with anyone else.

You can help with homework if you want but YOU DO NOT HAVE to take them to the doctors. It's NOT your job! EWither daddy or Mommy does it and you can say no I'm not doing it. His ex thinks that I should take care of his kids when he can't and they are sick. My answer to that is no! He does so much for her already that she can take the time off to take care of HER SICK children, who are much needier then mine, when they are sick. She doesn't like it, but to bad! When I was about to give birth and had to take the baby to the hospital at 1 day old, she DID not want to take care of her kids! Her son was sick and I had a 24 hour old baby at home and she wanted us to take him because it wasn't her day. WE had to go to the hospital, but she had to work! In the end I found a friend who I leave my kids with all the time and she has babysat his before as well. I asked her to sit with him until we got home and BM, actualy got mad and said I'm not leaving my child with just anyone! Then she can get of her butt and take him, can't she??? We do alot already for her and she acts very childish when she doesn't get it her way and she never compromises with us either... I hate tha tI have to deal with her for the next 15 years or so. I guess it will be easier when the SD9 and SS6 are older! You can do what you are comfortable with, but in the end, it's daddy's job to do it... where is he??

Yes it ok. I ditto the above post. Be careful that you don't burn out on all the parenting you are doing. Its not your responsibility. Start pulling back on those duties little by little. You will feel much better about yourself.

I find this a hard thing to do; I have been with my SD for 12+ years - she's now 14 and lives with us FT; her BM is a WASTE. DH gives me an attitude because I didn't take her "in" or I don't act like her mother. Now.......I don't make her scrub toilets are lock her in the basement; all 4 kids are treated EQUAL. I just don't go out of my way. This is why; I do a lot for my kids (I'm sure we all do). but I'm not under pressure to do so, or feel like I'm under a microscope when I do it. My DH tells me I do a lot for "my kids" and I simply reply - this is what a mother does!
I wish he would take his anger out on BM instead of the person that is actually there!! ME.....

It never ends

I don't have any of my own, and I love the BM, so it's been fairly easy to grow to love the kids. There are moments when I want to strangle both of them, but I can say it has come because of hardships. DH is a fairly absent father because of some mental illness, so BM and I have had to band together. When the kids saw that, they changed how they treated me, which made it easier to love them. I can honestly say that , because I don't have my own and don't plan it, I view my skids as much my own as possible. And thank God I have a BM that doesn't take offense at that.