OK, so what are your rules on screen time?
Per my last post, SO and I disagree about completely about screen time and electronics use in general. My BD6 and BS10 both have ipads and BS has a cell phone as well. The only reason BS has a phone is because there are a lot of times we have to drop him off at baseball or football practice and I like him being able to get ahold of us if practice ends early or if there is any kind of emergency or anything. My ex and I are pretty much on the same page and we have limited electronics use at both of our homes. I try to limit screen time to an hour per night on school nights and on weekends they can not use their ipads or play XBox until their rooms have been clean, clothes put away, and any other chores I may give them have been done.
It seems as though my SO and his ex have relied on ipads to do a lot of their parenting for them. From the time I met my SO I was shocked at how much time both SS8 and SS10 spend on their ipads. As soon as they wake up in the morning they are on their ipads until SO tells them to get ready for school. They are also on them while they eat breakfast and sometimes I even catch them with the ipad propped up on the bathroom counter while they are brushing their teeth. They take their ipads in the car with them for the 15 minute ride to school and insist that their dad have them in the car waiting for them when he picks them up so they can watch them for the 15 min ride back home in the afternoon! Then once they are home they are pretty much on their ipads every evening until they go to bed (where they turn on their TV's which are left on all night). They take their ipads with them anytime we go anywhere and stay glued to them the entire time. When we go out to dinner they literally only look up long enough to order their food. We took them all to see a movie last weekend and the stepkids actually brought their ipads into the theater with them to watch until the movie came on. It's crazy!!
So obviously SO and I are on very extreme opposites when it comes to screen time (along with a lot of other parenting issues!!). I understand it's not really my place to try to change how he does things with his kids, although it's quite annoying having to explain to my kids why HIS kids have such different rules. But, in my opinion, being glued to a tablet 24/7 is going to lead to more problems down the road. Both of them are already very socially awkward and have no friends outside of school. When we have people over or visit friends or family they don't talk to anyone or socialize at all! Please tell me what your family rules are on screen time and the use of electronics. I'm hoping to get some feedback that I can somehow present to my SO as proof that I'm not overly strict and crazy with my rules!
Different rules, same house.
Different rules, same house. My wife allows for extreme screen time, (4 hours+) per day. That's for her daughter, and mine doesn't even know how to operate a tablet or smartphone yet, because I don't allow her to have it.
Setting rules for your children is the easy part, explaining why they're better off than their half-sibling who's on the tablet all day is the hard part.
Wait - but your daughter is
Wait - but your daughter is HER daughter, too. So that can only last so long. You can't have the same mother having two different sets of rules for her two full time children. It may work now because your daughter is young, but what do you think will happen when she's old enough to ask why her sister has different rules?
That's a bridge for crossing
That's a bridge for crossing at a later date.
I think it's ok if different
I think it's ok if different kids have different rules per their different bio parents. BUT.. that means that your DH is not to enforce your rules on your kids..and vice versa.
However, with regards to screens.. there should be some common ground rules. I would require that they leave them before they come to a dinner table.. and that they not have them on eating out etc..
Personally, allowing them in the bathroom is leaving them open to damage.. but that's all on your DH I guess.
Certainly from your description, his kids are "too connected".. but beyond enforcing good manners by not allowing them at meals.. and perhaps when there are guests over to the house (unless they are "excused" to go play in their rooms).
I agree, seeing kids on
I agree, seeing kids on tablets that often would drive me nuts.
In my house, we don't do tablet in the morning and I don't allow them at the dinner table, regardless of what meal it is. The only time my BD watches a tablet really is on long car rides and for a short time before bed (after dinner and bath and everything else is done). And I definitely wouldn't allow them to be brought into a restaurant or movie theatre.
I know some think that
I know some think that different rules for kids with different parents is okay, even when they are in the same house.
But how does that work? I guess the kids never socialize with each other? Because if one child who has a tablet all the time is trying to spend time with a child that can't have one all the time ... they have to stay separate in the house?
Personally, I would not want my child to grow up like that...and YES it would drive me crazy too!
Given your huge parenting differences, do you agree on other important topics? Finances? Long term goals?
We purged video games from
We purged video games from our home. We did not like who SS was when he was burried in video games so ... we ended them in our home when he was in about 4th grade. The SpermClan kept buying him small gaming systems, we kept confiscating them, and he pretty much only played video games when he was on SpermLand visitation.
Now, a decade and half+ later... he is very good at self moderating his screen time. This was one of my greatest concerns for him as he launched and navigated adulthood.
As for his phone... he did not have a smart phone. He had a Nokia stick phone. He could call and text. That was it. Eventually after that gave up the ghost he got a flip phone with a QWERTY keyboard so his texting was less cumbersome but... he could still only call and text and.... email.
Screen time is easy. No screens solves the problem.