OMG so glad I found this site!
So, my first day as a member and I am so relieved that other people feel the way I do about my skids!! I often hibernate in the bedroom the entire weekend they are here, I cringe if they hug me, and I get physically ill with anxiety just thinking about having to interact with them.
They aren't bad kids. They rarely misbehave, and they are generally quiet (ss13 and sd11). My issue with them is that they are DUMB!! I should feel bad typing that, but I don't. My husband chose to procreate with an idiot of a woman. A brick wall has more common sense than his ex wife. Unfortunately, the "stupid" gene is strong, and it shows in both of the skids.
I'm not asking for them to cure cancer, but a tiny bit of common sense would be fu*king awesome. I don't know how either of them made it through elementary school! Perfect example: I am loading the car to take them to basketball practice, and I ask them to go get water to take with them in case they get thirsty at practice. We have bottled water in the fridge, and we have those plastic screw-top sports bottles. What do they come back out to the car with? Two glasses of water. Yeah. Literally...two dinner glasses of water. I want to shoot myself.
This is the part where I accept that all this trouble is my fault. I married a man with kids, knowing that I never wanted any...I don't even like kids. I thought I could deal with it part time. I didn't anticipate how awful this would be. You can't punish a child for being a moron. Ugh. Thank God for this site. I am going to be a regular visitor.
Welcome! I have the same
Welcome!
I have the same issue with SD14. She's literally as dumb as a bag of hammers! I mean, ZERO common sense. To the point where I just shake my head and move along.
This girl actually asked me when she was filling out forms for the woman's clinic we took her to (after we'd found out she had sex at age 13 at her mom's place while unsupervised) "how do I SPELL my name in cursive?" I had her repeat the question because at the age of 13 couldn't believe she did not know how to sign her own name on a form!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll be among friends here. Welcome aboard and happy posting
And all this time, I have
And all this time, I have been spelling my name in cursive the same as I do in print.
I swear, I was FLOORED when I
I swear, I was FLOORED when I heard her say that. I still, to this day (9 mos later) have to shake my head at that one.
That is hilarious! Not for
That is hilarious! Not for you, I know. I would've been tempted to dump it on their heads, "See how well that travels?".
My SD21 is no rocket scientist, so I know where you are coming from. And she has procreated (twice) with another idiot. Sigh.
I sometimes think that SKIDs
I sometimes think that SKIDs act more stupid on purpose for attention. It gets on my nerves. SD12 asked me this past weekend "Do we live in North of South America?" I told her I wouldn't even answer that since she's in 6th grade and knows better. Then she was like " I guess North huh?" So she knew the whole time, but acting idiotic has people pay attention. We just got to the point where she pours her own drinks. Her dad has to walk her through using a microwave... which I think is for attention!
It gets easier. Well , easier to ignore them, lol!
My DH's older son is 20, and
My DH's older son is 20, and he plays the "stupid card" often. It is really irritating. He is not overly bright, but some of the stuff he says is just ridiculous. Like when he got his girlfriend pregnant (she later miscarried)-his exact words were, "I do not know how this happened." He kept texting those words to DH, with sad faces. I wanted to vomit.
They are not bad and really
They are not bad and really don't misbehave---that is good.
No one can make you want to be around them or like them, even, but maybe there is a way you can find something enjoyable that you can teach them/work with them?
They are going to need help and guidance, and maybe you can find some way to interact that will help them as it helps you.
It is good you are here, it will help.
great advice. I hope she
great advice. I hope she finds middle ground with the SKids. Believe me there are some SM that would love to trade SKids with her. lol
ROFLMAO
I agree with that too. I have
I agree with that too.
I have no idea why anyone would choose to be helpless and stupid.
I overheard SS7 in the bathroom this morning asking Daaaaddddyyy to please take the lid off the toothpaste for him.What the actual fuck?!
He has no problem with it on the mornings BF has left for work early.
SD13 has to ask a question based on every sentence that comes out of everyones mouth.If I say "It was very windy outside today" two seconds later she says "Reeaaallllyy?It was really windy today?".And shes serious.I never answer her,Ive already stated it.
OH.MY.GOD.
Thank you all for your input.
Thank you all for your input. I have never felt so normal! I wish I could grow the patience to teach them how to do things. I have tried to show them both how to dust, or load the dishwasher no less than 10 times so they can "earn" their allowance. But they manage to screw it up so bad without supervision that I have given up trying to teach them anything. I would rather have no interaction with them than negative interaction. As far as the question of whether or not they are faking...I don't think so. DH loses his $hit when the skids disappoint him by doing something stupid. He screams and yells and sends them to their room. I would think they would do their best to avoid that. Maybe I'm wrong. All I know is, sometimes I think it would be easier to have chimps.
I agree. He is not patient,
I agree. He is not patient, like I said, and he is downright scary when he loses his temper. He's never hit any of us so don't misunderstand me. DH and I have discussed his yelling and intimidating, and it has gotten slightly better, but I think the skids screw ups really hit him hard. It reminds him of the huge mistake he made breeding with his ex. He hasn't figured out how to deal with it maturely yet.
Here is my advice: Your DH
Here is my advice: Your DH obviously has to stop screaming and freaking out on the kids. He HAS to find something that he can use to engage with them. Is there anything they like to do, that he could use as a way to bond with them better? All this screaming is only going to give them less of a chance to be functional adults. Sounds like they are struggling now. Are they in special education classes?
You may also be able to find something through their school/get some ideas of what kinds of activities they may be able to do.
The hardest thing for your DH is probably the guilt he feels about being with BM. That may be "blocking him" from even wanting to think about working with the kids/finding positives.
I know it is hard. My DH has three young adults who are a mess. Their mother is low cognitively, but she is a MEGA bitch-she got extra helpings of that for sure. My DH's kids are not as bad as your skids, but they are not productive. AT ALL. It is MUCH MUCH easier for me, bc I do not deal with them. They only come to my DH for money, which he stopped. Only one of the kids works (pt), she and the other two spend their days eating, sleeping and playing video games. My DH tried for years to help them, but they "sided" with BM, the "fun" parent who had no rules. My DH is super mellow, never yells, but he tried to set rules and they just laughed. They are going nowhere fast, and are so nasty, it makes me sick.
Your skids still have a chance, but if your DH keeps yelling, they are going to go down a sad path. He may be their only hope, and you,too, as an extension of him.
I understand how hard it is. It is frustrating, and annoying, and you want to scream. I just spent 3 years working with kids with all kinds of issues. Several had cognitive delays, and they sound a lot like your skids. Some of their parents go to counseling for the frustration, and the others have gotten the kids involved in extracurricular/hobbies they can handle-nothing overwhelming. It has helped, not totally, but it is a start.
***ETA: You want these kids to become productive, so they do not wind up living with you as adults. My DH's kids want to move in here. It will never happen.
It took me a long time to
It took me a long time to work up the nerve to suggest to DH that they might have a learning disability. When I did, he didn't want to hear any of it. He says that if we had them more often we could teach them common sense. First of all, common sense is not teachable. Second, if we rearranged custody to have them more often, it would be the end of our marriage.
They get C's and B's in school, so I have hardly a leg to stand on when I suggest they are learning disabled. Although the comments from teachers are usually along the lines of "struggles" or "can't follow instructions well".
I will work on finding a simple activity that they can pick up to receive some positive praise.
icanttakeit, chimps,
icanttakeit, chimps, ahahahahahahahahah!! Yes agreed, they appear to be more trainable than skids
My mom, who has been my sole saving grace until I found all of you, gets smarter everyday. Who knew it would take me being SM to two teenagers before I figured out just how smart she is!
Anywho, she made a comment a while back while I was fuming over the fact that my SS17 cant seem to get the garbage to the garbage trailer (we live in the country so have to transport our own to the dump) instead he leaves it on the porch for the dogs to tear apart. She said, "kids figure out early on, if you do a job badly, enough times, people will stop asking you to do it."
She is so right, he does nothing at home, because it takes so long or is done so badly that there just isnt any point. Yelling or explaining doesnt help, he just glazes over and says, "Ya I know" I hear that at least 10 times a day.
I personally stopped asking him to clean the main bathroom after I found out he was using the same FACECLOTH to wipe down the toilet and floor as he used to wipe down the rest of the bathroom :jawdrop: UGGGGGGGGGGGG
OMG, the "water in dinner
OMG, the "water in dinner glasses" had me literally laugh out loud! I'm sure you weren't but don't feel bad, I have those moments all the time too. My bf's youngest is 9 and is apparently helpless. It's constant, "Dad, can you do this, Dad, can you get that?" The one day I flipped out on my bf because right after his son ate he went to throw something away and some ended on the floor so I told him to clean it up and my bf really walked over and picked it up - I went bat shit crazy. It's little things too. He would always ask his dad to get his socks for him - um, there is a basket of socks, pick two that match and put them on! Or when I do laundry I have four baskets for all four boys, I put all their clothes in their baskets, they come get them and put them away. When I first moved in he would say, oh, he can't carry that by himself - REALLY?! So one day when my bf wasn't home, I made him do it and guess what, he did it just fine. Ugh. I can say my bf has gotten better but its still only half the battle bc both his boys are completely coddled at their moms. Between her and her parents (she lives with them) all they do is everything they can for those kids, they have NO responsibilities at that house and it drives me insane. When I was 9, I was cleaning bathrooms and doing dishes!! Glad you found the site though, hopefully it helps with venting if nothing else.
Why IS that stupid gene so
Why IS that stupid gene so damned prevalent? If this is natural selection, humanity is screwed.
All 3 of my skids have the BM's dumb gene running strong thru their DNA.
SD-12 couldn't find our country on a world map.
SD-16 asked me if the moon was "broken" because she couldn't see it
SD-17 wears everyone else's underwear.
Is the moon broken? WTF
Is the moon broken? :jawdrop: WTF - is that for real?
Somebody please put a new
Somebody please put a new bulb in the moon.
Call the "moon maintenance"
Call the "moon maintenance" man for me will ya - I'd like some moonshine (pun intended) tonight!
Yes I can believe it because
Yes I can believe it because of Gary Bettman's status as the biggest douchebag commissioner EVER. His solution has always been "let's just lockout" instead of giving players what they deserve. NHL players (even the top earners) earn no where near what NBA, MLB or NFL players do, yet they're out there on the ice taking way harder hits, bleeding and coming back for more. I don't get it.
I'm looking into season tickets for our brand new CHL team (Denver Cutthroats). I already scored us center ice, right between the benches for the home opener on Oct 19. Plus we have ECHL here too (Colorado Eagles) but we live about an hour and a half away. Got to about 5 of their games last year. FUN stuff!
I used to hold season tickets to the Las Vegas Wranglers ECHL team when I lived there and I've seen many minor league games in lots of states.
I did hear that ESPN (or one of their sister channels/affiliates) will likely broadcast KHL games so at least we'll have SOME hockey to watch on TV!!!!!
UGH FML I HATE THIS SHIT!
Yeah I saw that along with a
Yeah I saw that along with a lot of other videos that would make most people cringe. Sure, NFL players take some hits and get injured and I'd never wish injury on any pro player, but hockey players are tough! They go out for 10 minutes, get sutured up and get back on the ice. Stevie Yzerman shattered his eye socket and still wanted to play!!!!!!! That's heart.
Ilya Kovalchuk - yes!! Great player even when he was with Calgary back in the day. I got to see him play against the Red Wings when he was with Atlanta. At home, on the glass! YES, I miss hockey indeed.
I lived in Nashville when they were building the arena and trying to name the team. I remember filling out the ballot in the newspaper. Seems forever ago. Yeah, cuz it was! LOL If I remember right it was the 1995-6 season...
I haven't seen anything from the KHL yet. I do believe if any of our NHL players play for the KHL they can return to the states/Canada the minute the lockout is resolved. Here's an article if you're interested: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1355710-nhl-lockout-espn-khl-deal-cou...
I love meeting fellow hockey
I love meeting fellow hockey fans, especially women. We'll be at as many minor league games up on the ice as possible this season. And I am still friends on Facebook with a ton of the Vegas players. There's nothing like having season tickets and getting to know all the guys as friends, not just players to watch behind the glass, you know?