Opinions on taking FDH's last name
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I am getting married in a few months and FDH is dead set on me taking his last name but I don't want to have a different name than my kids. However I can completely understand why he doesn't want me to keep my ex husbands last name I wouldn't want him to either if roles were reversed. I am just a little sad about not having my kids last name that I will have my step kids last name but not my own. Have any of the ladies run into any issues with this or come up with a creative compromise?
Thanks!!!
DH wasn't thrilled that I
DH wasn't thrilled that I kept my first husband's name, but I explained my reasoning and stayed firm. He honestly didn't have a choice. What was he going to do? Ground me? lol. He's over it now. Not a big deal, and there are more women out there who do this than we realize.
Added perk? I don't have the same last name as skids!!! Yipeeeee!!!
This is hilarious cuz I'm not
This is hilarious cuz I'm not planning on taking my DH last name till SK are out if the house. I do not want any connection with them.
We got married a month ago. I
We got married a month ago.
I changed my name to his. We don't and won't have children together, and I have no children of my own (I'm 44) So that wasn't one of my issues.
This is my first marriage, so Ive had the same surname all of my life, that was one of my issues. I gave this a lot of thought before I did it. Reasons why I did in the end were
1) DH wanted other people to identify me as his wife. Not "partner" or girlfriend.
2) His ex made such a song and dance over going back to her maiden name and "getting her identity back" that I knew I wouldn't be sharing a surname with her, just my DH. Theres only one Mrs DH now.
Hyphenating is always an option. I didn't do this just because the two names didn't flow very easily together.
Me too! BM had DH's last name
Me too! BM had DH's last name and I was in my 30's when we married and I had my own identity. He was pissed but didn't argue too much when I pointed out that I was not 21 right out of school like him and BM (graduated in May, married in June). DDs are hyphenated and he dealt even through he wanted the entire family to have the same name- I told him if he wanted that he should have stayed married to BM
I told my wife I would be
I told my wife I would be married to a (my last name) or (her maiden name) but not her first husbands. So I agree with your husband. Daily reminders like that are not needed.
I've heard of women using their middle name as a last name. I.e. only two names. It's also a opportunity to go with a last name you admire such as Washington, (Elvis) Presley, King, or that suffragette lady.
In fact you can change it to (your first name) Mohamid Ghandi if you want.
Only a man would say this.
Only a man would say this. My late husband is my last name hyphenated and it bugs the hell out of DH when mail comes with that last name. I have it hyphenated on a credit card and a recent hotel reservation, irritated him, because they only used the last name of the hyphenated name on the reservation. Too damn bad. I married the guy first and have his child.
Men would never change for us, why the hell should we be submissive and change for them? It bothers you? Well you married a woman before me and gave her that name and she still uses it after getting married, why doesn't that bother you?
Exactly...Men don't do this,
Exactly...Men don't do this, why should we?
Don't do it. Easy. I kept
Don't do it. Easy. I kept my maiden name and it is all I use professionally. I am Mrs. 1st Husbands last name at everything to do with my son. I originally hyphentated my name with my first husband. Complicated enough, so when DH and I married, I kept it the way I always used it. Besides, with BM and SD ruining their reputation in town, I did not want anyone to think I was related to that.
DH came home recently and said I could now change my name since BM was moving. Yeah, too late, 5 years in and that name is ruined. I don't want it.
your name, your choice. i
your name, your choice.
i kept my name when i got married the first time, and my husband and his family were PISSED as was my own sister. no idea why people get so upset about a decision that in no way affects them.
some of my favorite reasons for changing my name that i heard were:
"your paperwork will get messed up" (never could figure out this one, and safe to say, we filed taxes and paid a mortgage with two names on it, no problem!)
"the school wont know which kids are yours" (seriously? in this day and age of single parents, same sex parents, name keepers, etc.?)
I also got a lot of comments about how keeping my name meant that my job was more important to me than family.
Stupid!
So when I married my Ex-H I
So when I married my Ex-H I took his last name. When we split up although it was hard to not have the same name as my child, I took my maiden name back for 2 reasons. 1. His last name was stupid and it was always misspelled or mispronouced, and 2. I felt like I wasn't his family anymore and if he was to remarry then that lucky girl (hahaha) should be Mrs. X, not me.
I have been divorced 9 years and I do love my SO but his kid is a wedge that isn't going away or getting better. I doubt I will marry him until she is 18 or goes to live with BM full time. And I think I will still keep my maiden name for business reasons and because I like my name and don't want to ever have to pay or fight to get it back if I got another divorce.
As a fairly traditional sort
As a fairly traditional sort of guy I welcomed my bride taking my last name. She has made it even more honorable and contributed significantly to the character of our family name.
My XW took my name also. Fortunately we did not spawn and she resorted to her maiden name when she ran off with Geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy.
My name was far removed from her when by XMIL was arrested, tried and convicted of embezzlement and sentenced as a federal felon. The name she resumed became shit and my name was long insulated from the toxic crap of my XIL clan. This is particularly notable as my XFIL was a city councilman in that city and my XMIL was a prominent business woman and member of the school board. The media had a field day with the federal indictment, conviction, federal prison sentence and civil suit by the business owner against my XIL family. My XW had to participate significantly in a $2.1Mil property and cash settlement with the business owner that my XMIL was ripping off.
Getting my name cleared of that adulterous whore was one of the best gifts my XW ever gave me.