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O/T- Friend sent this to me today

Stepped in what momma's picture

A friend emailed this little snippet to me, not sure where she got it but I thought it was great and that I would share.

Mommy martyrs, huddle up. I'm about to put some truth up in your day.
We think because we put the happiness of our children before our own, this makes us better mothers. We might even postulate it's a mother's job to put the happiness of her children before her own. Mommy martyrs aren't better mothers and they sure as hell aren't happy people.
When we place the happiness of others before our own, we're just hidin' out. We're just scared of takin' ownership of our lives. Isn't it easier to take ownership of our children's lives? Isn't it easier to work on them than it is to work on ourselves?
Makin' other people happy 'cause we love them is one thing. And even though sacrificin' our happiness sounds noble, we're just hidin' behind our babies. We're hidin' from ourselves. And worse, we're raisin' children who will look to others to find their own happiness.
I'm so damn tired of the notion that our lives are supposed to be centered on the complete and total happiness of our children. And if they're not, we're bad mommies. That's stupid crazy nonsense. We're supposed to raise our children. Love our children. Cherish them. But this whole concept of bein' a mommy martyr is regoddamndiculous. We aren't selfish for havin' lives and goals that are independent of our children.
Our children are better served when we're happy and fulfilled. Our happiness shouldn't be dependent upon our children or sacrificed for them either. What I'm tellin' y'all is this. We need to get a damn life. Our own lives. We need to stop bein' so codependent on our children 'cause we feel like we aren't important anymore. They didn't ask for us to stop livin' once they were born. They didn't ask us to sacrifice our happiness for theirs. Our children don't need martyrs. They need mothers.

Pokeyketchum's picture

And children aren't supposed to always be happy. That is just stupid.
"Happy-at-the-expense-of-others" children tend to be horrible spoiled entitled adults.

thinkthrice's picture

Dirty little secret is the more you try to placate your children for them to be "happy" the more jaded and LESS happy they will be. Studies prove this. How can one be happy and count their blessings if they think every thing should just fall into their lap?

We used to call it "spoiling."

Sweet T's picture

You need to be a priority in you own life and love your children. The greatest thing about life ost divorce is I am a priority in my life again...and guess what because of that I am a better mother. Yes I want my child to behappy, BUT at the same time I want him to be a respectful, descent, selfsufficient, non abusive individual.

When I first seperated from the lunatic O didn't feel like I had an identity outside of being my sosn's mother... well that changed and I feel great, I am happy and I am healthy. I still would give my life for my child, and he will always be my most important responsibility. But I like my childless weekends, I am crazy about my boyfriend and I love taking care of me!