Hi I am new here and did a search of the web to find others in similar position that can help me clarify my position.
A bit about me, I came to live in the USA a year ago, we married in April. We had been dating long distance, Im from overseas after meeting and falling madly inlove.
Our first year was one of meeting up in wonderful locations, while he was working near my country and having the time of our life, of him coming to visit me and everything was great. The connection was passionate romantic completely everything i have ever wanted in a man.
At home I owned a big farm and had horses and succesful business...but not a lot of savings. but i sold everything appart from my house/farm which is still rented to tenants.
We discussed it decided it was better for me to come to USA as his opportunities for work in my country wouldnt be as good and also since my daughter is grown, i offered that it was important that he be near his kids as they grow....So i now live in a major city and in the suburbs and i hate it.
I was looking forward to meeting his kids and I am actually a child professional in my work so im usually pretty good with them, so i felt confident.
My how a year later I am thinking i made the biggest mistake of my life, I should have stayed put and let him come to me.
The issue's started pretty soon when i realised how much power she has over him and i have often thought if she gave the word he would drop me like a hot scone and get her back. He has even shouted at me he wants his family back!
As it turned out i didnt take to the kids although i tried there almost mute, they have no communication skills at all and do not say hello, goodbye or cannot look anyone in the eye and the whole lot of them still wet the bed they are Girls twins 13 and 6. Its a whole other issue about the kids and the way he is with them. But my biggest thing i cannot get my head around is although a great deal of the time this year my husband has been out of work and has got himself into so much debtr around $150,000 all by throwing money at the kids, private schools expensive everything.
Right now he is out of the country working for another 3 months and Im here alone with no family, havent made many friends.
He decided to double the child support for the BM, while he was away, because he is earning a little extra. However we have so many bills and i really want to focus and pay off his debts im a business woman by nature and feel it is no time to throwing money at her. So i get a call from the bank saying the bank is over drawn and so put my own money into his the account to cover it, only to find that it was her over inflated child support payment that over drew our joint account and so in effect I had to foot her bill...and i was furious...
Because she refuses to give her financials so that we can get an updated child support calculation as HD work situation is very different from when this current one was drawn up. Id had enough...spoke to HD he was like oh whatever youll be paid back next week. But something in me cracked I text her to say has she heard of a government child support calender and would be possible to get her financials so we can upload both sets and come to an agreement based on the last two years of both their incomes...well she got straight down and dirty, to quote this is how she replied, "me and the children and our well being is none of your business. I will continue to deal with the father, see your way out of it LMAO'. then proceeded to add, your just after a green card money hungry hoar, he dont love you and im so much better person than you. This went back and forth all night and although i stayed on with the just getting the financials, she was a raving looney and was texting HD as well. He got furious at me saying i told you not to contact her and so forth and it got really really ugly... I wouldnt answer my phone to him and when the next day came i still would nt talk to him and made some stupid comment about wishing i was dead and to honest i think i was slightly suicidal but took no measures to do anything stupid. But anyway he was beside himself being overseas and called 911...he was paniking and told her he was worried could she help him call 911.. her response was to text me and said, " do everyone a favour and swallow some real pills bitch". So i had to endure the humilation of being carted of to hospital.
Now my issue is he will not have any of it being her fault because I was the one to contact her against his wishes. Now I feel i achieved nothing she is still getting the extra he isnt going to forse her financials and I just dont know what to do.
I just love this man so dearly and the thought of no divourse and going back home with my tail between my legs is heart breaking. We are ok again, but he will not allow me to raise the subject and i just want him to stand up to her for the aweful things she said. I feel Im going insane! or at least stretch to my limits of stress, dont not what to do and Im broke.
Id really appreciate your thoughts and how it all looks from the outside.
Thank you in advance.