I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing minus trying to have a baby with him. This really hit home:

Because if I just sat there and smiled and let everything just be how it is regardless of how I feel then everything would be fine. For him.

I hope you find the strenght you need to get through this. I would delay having a baby with him as that will mean that now not only you but your baby will also be taking the backseat when SK are there.

I think sometimes bio-parents who have never been step-parents sometimes don't get how tough it can really be. It is a big step and shock to walk into a pre-existing family, ESPECIALLY if you haven't had any children of you own. It's very difficult to adjust and there will be a lot of big feelings. At the same time, there are also a lot of adjustments the bio-parent must make to integrate someone new into the family, but that's the key word to remember: intergrate. Not just tack on the end, regardless of their expectations and comfort level and continue business as usual regardless of a new partner's feelings. Not let that partner come in and change everything. It's a compromise on both ends. As step-parents, there are going to be obligations to the kids that we have to respect, even if it's annoying sometimes. That's the choice we make when we choose someone with previous children.

That being said, that does NOT give the bio-parent the right to steamroll our feelings and struggles. Kids or no kids, this is still a relationship and that means respect and compromise from both partners. They need to be willing to work with us, too. Things with the kids that really can wait should wait. A schedule that seriously conflicts with a stepparent's routine that could be changed without effecting the kids in a negative way should be changed. It all depends on what things you are having problems with.

Another thing I've learned is to bring up these things when you both have time and are feeling good - that is, not when you're hungry, tired, grumpy or when you're in the middle of an argument already. Bringing it up calmly and logically always works better, and another thing I try to do is pinpoint why something bothers me and come up with an idea or so that would correct that problem. That isn't always easy to do, so often I find myself brainstorming those solutions with DH. More often than not, we come to agree on something we're going to try. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes and sometimes it takes a couple days. The important part is we both value our relationship enough to be willing to put the time and effort in to fix something, and we're both willing to compromise where possible. If only one person is expected to change something, nothing is going to work. *shrug*

Wow! This is very similar to what I am going through. My fh has 3 children and we are great when they aren't around, but as soon as the kids are with us, my relationship takes a back seat. I have joined this website so that I can talk to other step parents about it and it seems that a lot of persons have this issue. I am so stressed out that I have been calling my best friend so much just to vent. My fh takes everything so poorly that it seems useless to talk to him. We are hardly ever intimate anymore because he is so focused on his kids. They will be with us the majority of the summer because my fh doesn't want to upset his ex?!!?!?! I have planned on holding a conversation with him about things tonight. I feel like I need to draw a line.