Picky teen
15 year old Stepson refuses to eat anything i cook with exception of a few things like pancakes and other simple things. He will eat peanut butter sandwhiches or microwavable food to avoid eating home cooked meals. He is the same way at his mothers house and his father works alot so i often am the only one watching him and my younger children. The problem is recently my younger kids have noticed he doesnt eat the same food as us and ive been having a hard time explaining to them why he doesnt eat the same things as us. He is also extremely stubborn so all my efforts to get him to try new things have failed. He will not even attempt to try a bit of anything and flat out refuses. He seems to be getting sick often which results in the younger ones getting sick. Any advice on how to handle the situation would be appreciated.
I'm your mom and I say you
I'm your mom and I say you should eat your delicious healthy meal. I'm not ss mom and he doesn't want to eat this so he is making his own food.
He sits and eats with
He sits and eats with everyone else and what everyone else eats... or she starves. Take away his options. Hunger has a way of forcing idiots to extricate their head from their own ass.
Play the eat what is presented or starve card.
I would.
He can cry, scream, yell, get mad but he starves. Lock all the food up. See how soon he eats what is in front of everyone when his stomach thinks his throat has been cut.
His parents should be
His parents should be ensuring that he doesn't have any health issues. Disordered eating should be something his pediatrician is aware of... and it's possible he may need therapy.
At 15 his eating habits are likely fairly entrenched.
Eexactly. my OSD now 20, I'm
Eexactly. my OSD now 20, I'm certain, has ARFID (Google it), but the parents did nothing even though I repeatedly pointed out she had eating issues within a year of meeting DH.
See, all you can do is help the younger ones eat well. Teach them why, teach them about all the delicious food out there in the world. Help them learn to cook! If they ask about the 15 yo, tell them simply that never learned and that they will be better off in the future.
I Googled ARFID. Damn.
I think i had ARFID as a kid. My parents didn't make special food, though, and to this day sometimes at family dinner i will only eat maybe the meat or one side dish. It was expected i would sit with everyone at dinner, participate in the conversation, and would just make myself something later if needed.
I mean, i would sit for hours if told to eat my food or not get up from the table. I probably would have sat for days rather than eat something i didn't like. As a small kid, i was to the point of being malnourished so my parents gave up early on with the forcing to eat certain foods. When i said i would starve first, i meant it. I developed either an aversion or allergy to milk at about 7 months old. The doctor told my mom that no baby will starve themselves because they don't like milk, and to keep breastfeeding. When she brought me back for a checkup, he confirmed it. I starved. I was severely underweight and lethargic. From that point on, my mom gave me the foods i would eat but not to the point of cooking special meals and i fattened back up. As an adult, i'm still picky but not nearly so bad. I can eat enough to not be rude as a guest, and when i cook meals for groups, i have to cook things i don't eat because i wouldn't force my dietary issues on anyone else. Oddly, my kids eat everything.
ETA as far as what a parent
ETA as far as what a parent can do - maybe what i eventually did for myself. Educate the kid on the importance of good nutrition for health and (maybe more effectively) strength and/or physical attractiveness. A healthy person is stronger and more attractive than a malnourished one. I force myself to eat foods i don't like. It only works if i am pretty hungry when i make myself eat certain things. I eat what i don't like first. I remind myself why they are good for me, or why i need to eat them to not look like a weirdo at, say, the in-laws' house.
I highly suspect that this is
I highly suspect that this is far more often than not just another of the syndromes of the moment that the pseudo science "professions" generate to maintain relevance and to justify their existance.
Kids will generally not starve themselves. Once hunger pangs get significantly uncomfortable anyway.
I had a huge gag reflex as a kid primarily when eating squash. Zucchini was pure hell for me. So, tiny sized cut up bites mixed in with whatever else was on tne dinner plate. Mentally I balked, but... no gag reflex using that method. The late 60s to early 70s staple dish of Tuna Casserole was another one that made my skin crawl. No way around that except for... hot sauce. If I put enough nuclear heat level hot sauce on it, I could scorch my buds to the point that it was not nauseating. Pain was preferable to tasting that stuff.
For my kid, it was peas. He and I had a peas eating battle when he was 2yo. I lost. I quit making a big deal out of it, and.... fairly soon, he would eat them rather than pick them out of his food. Even I realize that not all battles need to be faught.
We were raised that to refuse to eat something prepared for us was rude and that was not tolerated. Take what you want, eat what you take. For a prepared meal, try a little bit of everything and if you do not care for it, don't take more after you clear your initial small portion.
Contrary to what the pseudo sciences seem to want to force down everyone's throats, not every behavioral challenge is a disorder or syndrome. IMHO, very little of it is anything more than shit parents letting stubborn ill behaved kids run amok.
For kids with legitimate issues, they should be supported and helped. Though it is time to stop the default "put a bullshit excuse label on it" movement.
IMHO of course.
I'm mot saying i had a
I'm not saying i had a "disease" per se, but i would rather have gone hungry than eat a lot of things. Since my parents did not cater, i was very skinny until late junior high, when i got tired of kids making fun of me. I was awarded the "NoButt Peace Prize" by this little a-hole in one class. OP's SS has to want it for himself (a healthy diet and not looking like a picky weirdo) for him to change. Being weak and skinny and getting picked on made me decide to make the change. Now, if i'm going to someone's house to eat, i make sure i'm, like, really hungry.
I am glad you figured it out.
I generally have a moderate apptite. Some things I gorge on though extremely rarely. I tend to eat 3-5 small things a day and one mid sized meal.
My challenge is my mom's cooking. That, I can get very uncomfortable with by eating too much.
No, it's real. My OSD was off
No, it's real. My OSD was off the charts with food problems. It's more than not liking something. My YSD was just picky. There was a vast difference between the two.
I have no doubt that it is
I have no doubt that it is legitimate in some cases. Though those are likely rare enough that far more than most are not materially significant.
SD14 rarely eats dinner with
SD14 rarely eats dinner with us. Maybe twice a week max. She either doesn't like what I'm cooking or "not hungry" aka already filled up on junk food/snacks.
SD stays upstairs in her room if she doesn't want to join. I don't want her sulking at the dinner table with her terrible attitude rubbing off on DS3 anyway. She won't starve. If she is truly hungry she will find something to make herself. It's not my responsibilty to make specials meals just for her. Especially at 14, I feel she can make basic items in the air fryer and microwave.
If your SS is sick often, he needs to stay away from the little ones. Either staying at BM until he is better, or staying in his room away from all the common areas in the house.