Please help me help SD13
I've been posting alot on here about H's overindulgence towards SD17. Probably to the point that you're all sick of hearing about it and wanting me to just move on 
But, last Thurs. (a week ago) I had to ride with H for 6 hours on a business trip he had to take. During that time I tried to go to bat for SD13, as his favortisim is so obvious it's painful. He wouldn't listen to a word I said, and in fact, continued to complain about SD13 in response to anything I said. She is a sweet, pretty girl, just a little immature for her age, and is not doing well in school.
This afternoon H called and wanted me to call SD13 and talk to her about her grades, because he had just got done screaming at her over them. So I called her and we talked. She cried. Said she's trying (she really is pretty unmotivated, and her mother is not helping at all). But then she said "Dad loves SD17 more than me, everyone knows it. My mom knows it, my sister knows it (she has a younger 1/2 sister), my friends know it. She (SD17) gets everything she wants." She was sobbing the whole time. I tried to assure her that ,of course, her dad loves her. But it's hard to do when I agree with her 100%.
She also told me she is afraid of SD17, how SD17 screams at her all the time. So, she's got her father screaming at her so much that she told me she's scared to answer the phone when he calls, and SD17 treats her like crap. I've seen it many many times. And I think SD13 is just so insecure that it affects her grades. I think she has such low self-esteem that she doesn't believe in herself at all.
I told H tonite on the phone what SD13 told me, about how he favors SD17. His response was "Did you remind her that I just spent $45.00 on shoes for her?" There's simply no talking to him. If I try to point out the obvious favortisim towards SD17, he just gets mad and says "You hate SD17". I don't hate her. But I do admit, to you all on here anyway, that I don't like her. She is a spoiled overindulged brat, in my opinion, and no one likes spoiled, overindulged brats.
H is not what you would call a reasonable person. I have a hard time discussing anything serious with him at all. It always turns into a war, every time. But I care enough about this little girl to go into battle for her. Any suggestions?
Start spoiling the CRAP out
Start spoiling the CRAP out of SD13, just as bad as he does SD17. And treat SD17 like he treats SD13. Then if he says something, if he even notices, then tell him that you're just treating SD13 the way he treats SD17 so she doesn't feel bad anymore. Maybe that will open his eyes. If not, well at least maybe SD13 won't feel like she's so unloved anymore. Thats what I'd try if he won't acknowledge it by just telling him. You've got to show him.
You know what-that's a good idea
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
The girls will be thru here tomorrow-H has told me to give SD17 gas money for the dentist. Maybe I'll just give SD13 a little stash cash while I'm at it. Sick of SD17 with her hand out & SD13 never asking for anything.
TOTALLY. I'd give her just
TOTALLY. I'd give her just as much money as you give SD17. Tell hubby that you want to make things even with them to be fair so anytime SD17 gets money, so does SD13. Make sure they get treated EXACTLY the same. Its only fair! If he doesn't like forking out twice as much cash, clothes, etc then he'll need to start cutting back what he gives SD17! Maybe that will remind him that he has TWO daughters, not one. And SD13 is just as important (if not more since she's not a brat)
But Melis, It's more complicated than that
A little girl wants her PARENT'S LOVE. (No offense, Bewitched). She wants to feel accepted and loved and adored by her own father. And when there's such a HUGE sign of favoritism, such as going on here, it's going to take a serious toll on a kid's self-esteem that an "outsider" (SM) can't fix.
I know. My DH shows serious favoritism toard SD16. Always has. The other two SDs always refer to her as "The Golden Child". It's no secret she's the obvious favorite- she can do no wrong. OK, not to the extreme in Bewitch's case, but it's very noticeable when the kids say it as Gospel truth.
And it hurts the other SDs- especially the youngest SD13. And I've tried to "spoil" her. Give her "extras"- take her to special places just the two of us, but she's clearly wounded by the favoritism her dad shows SD16- and probably always will be.
Unfortunately, it's something my DH has to fix between him and his daughter.
I can take the edge off just a tiny bit, but it's like putting a little band-aid on a gaping wound!
Does that make any sense?
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I understand all that...but
I understand all that...but if he won't listen to her telling him that he favors SD17 and that it hurts SD13, then maybe he will SEE it if she starts treating SD13 just as he treats SD17 and treats SD17 like he treats SD13. It may open his eyes to the problem. And if it doesn't or he still refuses to change, at least SD13 won't feel as slighted as she did before. They should be treated equally. If her DH won't do it, at least she can.
I do see your point, Melis
And I meant to finish with that last night, but I got cut short and had to end my post rather abruptly.
Of course it can't HURT for Bewitched to show extra kindness to her SD13. (Really, when is THAT ever a BAD thing?) But to get to the REAL problem, the very HEART of the problem, well that's for her DH to fix. And it just doesn't seem like he's the type who wants to even acknowledge it, let alone try to fix it at this point. Sad but true.
When you suggested showing the extra kindness to SD13, it reminded me of a time when I did that with my own youngest SD a couple years back. I could tell that she was feeling particularly slighted, so I spent the ENITRE day where it was just me and her. We did EVERYTHING togehter. We played princess games. I did her hair- she did mine. I painted her nails. We went to lunch together, both wearing "princess" tiaras in our hair. We did everything she wanted to do.
After the day was over, I asked her about her thoughts. She said in the sweetest of voices, and I will never forget these words, "Thank you very much 5teens, it was a really nice day. But it would take about 10,000 of those days to make up for how bad I feel sometimes about how special SD16 gets treated all the time."
I almost wanted to fall off the side of her bed.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
No offense taken, 5teens . It's true.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
As an adult, I've painfully watched him indulge this teenager, and you all know where I stand with H, so no point going into that again. But I can't imagine how hurtful it is for my SD13.
SD13 called me back and pleaded with me not to even mention what she said about SD17 to H. She said H will then tell SD17, and SD13 will really "catch it" from SD17 at home.
So sad.