'Pre-move in' finance & Legal discussions - input needed.
Hello world 
I have a few questions re: blended family and finances.
Here is our situation:
Me (no children)
My girlfriend (2 children - full time)
We have been together and in love for 3 years now, we have 2 houses and are planning to sell both and move in all together in a new house. The house value, financial and salary are almost the same, which make it easier. In theory, the new house (and house loan) would be 50/50. Children direct cost (clothing, health care, recreation and school supplies (etc...) are taken care of by my girlfriend.
1) Living expense splitting
I would like people's view on the "living expense" splitting. For me living expense is food, water (house gas bill), electricity. How do you split this? What's your experience with it? Considering my girlfriend is receiving child support from her ex-husband, should this be considered in the calculation... or all living expense split 50/50?
I want it to be fair to everyone, without being taken advantage of.
2) Legal aspect
We are planning to move in Ontario, Canada. Lots of people are telling me that even if the children are not yours (biologically), you can be potentially be liable financially (child support) in the event of a separation. Is this true? Or do this applies only if the biological dad would be deceased ? I find it odd that someone could get multiple child-support $ from different men over the same children over time.
I would like your input and experience on it.
Best regards,
StepDad40
If he & GF keep dating
If he & GF keep dating though, instead of getting married, that can't happen?
I'm not clear on Canada law, but if that's the case - I wouldn't get married until the kids age out.
Are you serious ? Can this
Are you serious ? Can this thing be prevented with pre-nup type of agreement ?
I know some women who's
I know some women who's husbands have skids split expenses differently. Since you would be 'using' less of the house than she was, if the kids have their own rooms. Same for food. I would split 50/50 big meal foods like dinner foods or whatever, but she would have to buy all of their snacks & 'kid oriented food'.
If you are not going to marry
If you are not going to marry and merge finances (which is my preference) then it makes sense the way you have outlined it.
Rather than 50/50 I would say that the living expenses be divided by total people in residence. So, if your GF has 2 kids 100% of the time she pays 3/4 of the living expense costs.
If you are going to purchase a house with this woman why not get the paperwork and make it an equity life partnership?
No judgment, just asking.
You need to look at is as a
You need to look at is as a business arrangement at this point.
If you and her are planning on buying the home equally and she will have her "tenants" occupy a portion of it.. .shouldn't she pay more?
If her "tenants" are requiring lots of food and energy and housekeeping, shouldn't they be required to contribute more.
You are not married yet. And there's a good chance that you won't end up getting married after getting a taste of living with someone else's children, so treat it as a business arrangement as much as possible.
Thanks for all of the answer
Thanks for all of the answer folks. Lots of good info in here.
I like the 67%/33% approach. I could event get to 60%/40%.
But 50/50 sounds a bit like a non-sense.
I have lived part time with my step family as it is, but spend most of my time in my own house.
We generally spend week-end and vacations all together. Renting my house the first year make sense.
I found this information, to which I am a bit freaked out : http://www.harrisandharris.com/idv_article.php?id=87
"A Court may order that you pay support for a child of whom you are not a biological parent. This may, be a child of your former spouse (whether you were married or not). Such a child support award would be based on your being “in loco parentis”, which means a Court would find that you were standing in the place of a parent. The courts’ prevailing approach is that if you acted as if you were a parent to a child, and held yourself out as such a parent, then the fact that you are not related by blood will not relieve you of an obligation to contribute to that child’s expenses."
Another one: http://www.dynamiclegalforms.com/child-support-need-an-ontario-lawyer/26/
Finally, in Land v. Aitchison, 2005 CarswellOnt 372, the Ontario Superior Court of Justice found that a man was liable to pay interim child support to children who were born out of a previous marriage from a woman with whom the man had cohabited. Pedlar J. pointed to “independent evidence” that demonstrated a prima facie case on the issue of child support such as:
The man referred to the girls as “my daughters” or “my girls”;
The man participated in the girls’ extra curricular activities, including coaching a baseball team;
The man took the girls to their medical and dental appointments as well as school trips, etc.;
The man paid for expenses, attended a graduation and provided a ring;
Report cards showed that the man had completed and signed the “parent and guardian” section.
The children referred to the man as “dad” in pictures in their journals and school drawings;
The children referred to the man’s sister, brother-in-law, and mother as aunt, uncle, and “Nan”.
The man attended the interviews at the school with the children;
The man attended family gatherings regularly with the children and their mother and appeared to be playing a parental role;
The man often took the initiative in disciplining the children.
On the basis of that evidence, the court rules that the children’s mother had established a prima facie case for interim child support.
I guess I am going to move to another province now... (!) Or just keep my house if it's the same everywhere.
This is nuts. I hope there is a way to do some kind of prenups.
The best way would be to consult a lawyer.
Thanks all for your comments.
Ben
I adopted my now ex-wife's
I adopted my now ex-wife's first born and guess who paid child support for 8 years after the divorce? Little different circumstance but there it is.
Me to you: Don't marry and don't move in together until the kids are grown. Period. Canadian liberal laws are have really screwed up in this area. It's the bee hive way of thinking, "all of us are in this together" therefore YOU have to pay.
When you do marry, when the kids are of age get a Living Trust or whatever is the norm in Canada unless you want your new wife to inherit everything you have and thence going to her kids.
Even a Living Trust can do exactly that if that's what you want or you can leave your half of the house to relatives, the church, whatever. Plus there is no probate. Since you're unfamiliar with Canadian law a attorney will be money well spent.
Amateur advise, even mine I'll admit, is a poor way to set up your new marriage.
Id keep your house and rent
Id keep your house and rent it out. TGIHB is sure happy she has her house now.
As for finances, when my fiancé moved in with me, I paid the rent and he paid for all groceries and entertainment including our vacations. we split the utilities although not 50-50 but rather sometimes he paid sometimes I paid. we each pay our own car insurance, life insurances, etc. we have no car payments but it would be the same with that.
to make us more "even", I contribute the same amount each month to my deferred comp account that he contributes to BM via CS.
I don't plan to get married to him or merge finances until child support obligations end which will either be in 5 years or 9, depending upon if she goes to college (she's dumb as a stump so hopefully she wont go!).
THIS!! I sure do regret not
THIS!! I sure do regret not keeping my old house every.single.day!
Also rent the place you'll live in together, don't buy it for SEVERAL years to come. That way if things don't work out, you can go back to your old house in a jiffy.
Don't do as I did: sold my old house and purchased a fixer upper dump for "Chef" to be "closer to his kids" (TM)
Now he won't move out because without my income, he's lower than homeless due to whopping CS for another 11 years and has made threats about if I ever kick him out which he would have NO problem following through on.