Question about pick up/drop up/visitation.
So as I've said BM has DH under her thumb when it comes to visitation. If she says they are not coming over then he thinks that is the end all be all. I am trying to help him change his way of thinking. Just because they are in her possession does not mean his right do not matter. He is still their father, he still has parental rights, and he has a court order to see them. She can not override those things.
So anyway. DH picks them up on Saturdays at 7. He frequently has to stay late at work and sometimes it's on a Saturday. BM gets pissed if he picks them up late (which I perfectly understand) however she refuses to transport them to or from our house. She literally has never once picked them up or dropped them off in the last 4 years. A while back we gave her 1-2 weeks notice and asked if she would drop them off because DH knew he have to stay late at work. She said either I could pick them up or she would keep them and he could pick them up Sunday morning.
Can she even do that? Is it just some kind of power play.? At first she only lived 10 minutes away, so I didn't really care having to do it sometimes, but about a year and a half ago she moved 40 minutes away. So that's an 80 minute drive. It's getting to be too much. I'm not even asking that she split it half, we just want once in a while when DH has to stay late at work. Is there anything we can do? She can't just say 'well I'll keep them' can she?
What does the CO say about
What does the CO say about transporting the children?
It doesn't say anything about
It doesn't say anything about transportation.
Sigh....that's too bad and
Sigh....that's too bad and unfortunately you're at her mercy.
If it will make you feel better, it was written into H's and Uberskank's CO. The wording was:
Mother will drop child off at designated times and dates to Father's home at (address).
Father will drop child off at designated times and dates to Mother's home at (address).
Uberskank interpreted that as "mother only has to provide transportation."
For four years, she threw skid on a bus that took nearly two hours to arrive in a city, 45 minutes from our house. This bus only ran on weekdays, so we could not put skid on the same bus home. H had to drive her back home, which was up to a 3 hour round trip depending on traffic. Three hours on a Sunday and the drop off time was 7pm.
Sadly, this is an irritant for most NCP situations and taking them to court over it is a huge waste of time and money. And sanity.
She moved away. Husband can
She moved away. Husband can have attorney send her a letter saying she should now do (some of) the driving since she moved. When she refuses husband can take her to court and ask for relief. Husband can ask that a point ten minutes from his home be a meet point where they two can transfer the kids but likely he'll end up with a half way point. With that I would ask that the parent who wants the kids pick them up. So husband goes and gets them and mommy retrieves them on Sunday.
If he doesn't pick them up on the scheduled time then yes she can dictate alternate times. After all she's been inconvenienced. Same theory as to husband being inconvenienced when she moved. Now he should be able to dictate something but since she has custody it doesn't work that way.
yeah, if its not explicit in
yeah, if its not explicit in teh CO, then her only obligation is to make them available at the appointed time which she is doing.
^^^^This If she wants to
^^^^This
If she wants to excercise her custody time she WILL come and get the kids. Since there is nothing in the CO, it works both ways. DH will not be violating the CO in anyway if he tells BM: Skids are available at (Court ordered time) at (agreed upon location). As long as he's not denying their location or time there is nothing she can do.
If she refuses to pick them up, well then she is denying herself her time.
If she is offering for you to pick up, then it seems she is cooperating with DH's custody time.
I don't understand why there are ever drop offs in a CO. It just makes sense if you want to see your kids go pick them up, don't wait around for a drop off.
Well then you guys will have
Well then you guys will have to get up early and drive the 40 min Monday morning to drop kids at school. And then YES all the way back to work. Many schools allow you to drop off kids maybe 15-30 min before the bell. So if you leave early enough to do this, you can be back to your town for work earlier too.
If he picks them up late on Saturday's and drops them off Sunday's that's not much time to get to spend with his kids. If he gets Saturday through Monday morning it seems like a win for him to get more time.
Yes "she's got you" by having you take kid to school, but DH also gets an extra overnight out of it. And you don't have to see BMs stupid face if you take the kids directly to school.
If the current custody doesn't work around his job schedule then maybe it needs to be modified.
If shes letting YOU pick them
If shes letting YOU pick them up (for now) then you are further ahead of many. Even WITH a CO that said "bm does all the driving" when she moved 3 hours away - she refused to and there was nothing anyone could do about it - and if DH didn't go get them he lost his time...BS situation, but what it is....
Choice - either you figure it out, or you get it written in.
*I* personally am a bigger fan of the receiving parent pick them up - it SUCK to have to wait on "their schedule" to have the kids.....or in our case when THEY decide they dont want to drive...in the end you still lose.
Depending on what the court
Depending on what the court order says, either party can determine that if you can't pick the child up at a certain time than you forfeit your visitation time. This can be turned on the other parent as well. If BM in your situation refuses to pick the kids up, she could potentially forfeit her time with them since she is "late". Sounds like you need to go back to court to get a more specific court order.
I feel you!! About 2 months
I feel you!! About 2 months ago SO and BM used to share pick ups and drop offs..however, that has since changed.
BM now refuses to have anything to do with transportation bc when SO got offered a permanent job he asked if they could change the time to a later (1/2 hour) time, to give him time to get there - she refused. She then sent a text to him stating that "from now on transportation will be between YOU and SS - I don't want anything to do with it". There is no current CO in place.
Thing is, bitch doesn't realise she did us a favour - now we don't have to put up with setting eyes on her evil face any more - haven't seen her since and we LOVE IT!! SS only lives 20 mins away so it's no big deal to us - we're so damned happy we don't have to see that stink skank we'd probably drive an hour if we needed to.