Question for step mums of 16 ½ year old girls – co-dependency / attention seeking or control …
Step daughter has just started counselling for not eating and losing weight – about 5ft 8inch tall BMI of 17.5 / has lost weight. SD states food is ‘bad’. SD hasn’t had a period for 7 months!
SD moved in with SO in May this year after major bust up with BM and after my house went up for sale – I was going to move in with SO when mine sold, then sell his and buy a house together – not happening now because of his daughter moving in and having issues with food – she needs her dad!!
SD appears to have no friends / no hobbies / does nothing but Face Book & internet shopping / lays about in her dad clothes wrapped in a blanket all day next to or near her dad !!
She does works in a pub washing up 2 or 3 nights at weekend from 6pm to 9pm – her dad takes her and picks her up every week.
Dad is / has been a ‘disney dad’ & has always been her ‘friend’ rather than a parent.
Is it normal that she just wants to be with her dad ALL the time? They shop together / go walking together / cook & bake together / sit in together etc etc – she is so dependent on him – he cannot move / breathe without her.
This morning she shouted / screamed from her shower that she needed him as she was going to faint – he rushed in and the bathroom was like a sauna – she had been in a very hot shower for over 30 mins – steam and water running down walls / windows and all over floor because of the heat / steam.
Then amazing recovery and she commented that she had been on her own all day yesterday (from 1.30 to 4.00pm) he dared to go looking for a new car with me! She wanted him to take her out somewhere today as it wasn’t fair she was on her own yesterday (she could have gone shopping with her BM).
Is this normal for a 16 ½ year old?? Is it control or attention seeking??
What would you do? / What can I do to get her to depend on him less and become more independent?
Advice would be appreciated – thank you kindly.
No it's not normal, but it
No it's not normal, but it sounds like she has some serious mental health issues.
Is she being treated for the anorexia? That is often a symptom for a deeper psychological problem such as bi-polar. She needs professional help. There's probably little that you can do.
Thanks oldone - she started
Thanks oldone - she started counselling last Thursday - agreed that group counselling is the way forward for her - will commence in New Year. Anorexia not been diagnosed yet - but worrying re periods !!
GP involved finally after months of pushing SO to discuss with BM.
BM accuses SO of murdering / killing her daughter - but hell the BM won't agree to SD visiting her for 1 overnight stay per week. BM demands SO gives her fried food / chips with everymeal - this won't work - she eats food but obviously not enough.
Totally agree re deeper psychological issues - maybe bipolar or serious depression. SD also has unbelivable temper tantrums - is very spoilt and very difficult always has been in the 10 years i have known her.
Nightmare - and i know there is nothing i can do - i am not the parent - she has 2 parents who will not work together except to blame the other.
It's quite the opposite of
It's quite the opposite of normal. Kids at this age would normally not be caught dead with parents. Often you'll see them walking 10 feet behind them and at a mall you'd think they were alone only to find their parents nearby.
She has major psychological problems, much deeper than just a "D.Dad". The sooner Daddy gets her into a psychiatrist the better off she will be. Oops I just glanced at 'oldone's statement above and s/he's saying the same thing. I agree with him there isn't anything of consequence anyone at home or here can say or do that will help.
EDIT and just read your statement obviously we were posting simultaneously. Hoping for the best.
Thanks OC - yes we were. SO
Thanks OC - yes we were.
SO is really struggling with her and stands alone on his own 'little island' - it's took him a while to agree to counselling for her - he didnt want her labelled OMG - i had to force issue with him to get her to her GP for a referral to a specialist.
Hopefully now in right directions but still very early days.
SD is one very unhappy young lady
I know he doesn't want her
I know he doesn't want her "labeled" but there are worse things. A dear friend's daughter had eating disorder issues. Lots of treatment but this was decades ago. Her underlying issue was bi-polar which was not recognized.
They got the eating issues resolved but she started self medicating with alcohol and eventually drugs. Now at almost 40 she is in prison. This was a brilliant young woman who got accepted in a highly competitive scientific phd program. She's totally wasted now.
So getting this young woman help is critical.