Question: too rough considering the history?

Forums:

So for over a year my boyfriend and BM have been creating a parenting agreement. (There was no parenting agreement saying when the kids go from house to house, BM would always dictate when she was coming to get them, so it was ALWAYS whatever she wanted, when she had plans she didn't have the kids)

Fast forward a year and a half and through all the negotiating... At first BM stated that THIS is what she wanted, but if he still insisted, she had a few ideas for sharing time,...but after a week of my boyfriend asking what the suggestions were, my boyfriend THOUGHT he was giving in and sent his lawyer and BM an email stating he was giving BM what she asked for because it was the last topic they were arguing over and he wanted to wrap this up quickly...
BM then sent an email demanding MORE and stated "I will not give in on this"
The THIS is BM wants the kids every year on their birthday, no splitting time, every year the whole day, so thekids would not see their father on their birthday until they were 18.

So immediately my boyfriend sent BM an email saying:

"I am disappointed that you are no longer willing to negotiate and reluctantly I withdraw my offer to pay final expenses of finalizing the parenting agreement because I made that offer under the assumption that we were in agreement and both wanted a quick wrap up to this negotiating. I will email my lawyer that we have reached a standstill on a topic that I wish to still negotiate and the court will notify us when the hearing date is set. It is my hope that you would resume negotiating and we can finalize the parenting agreement before that date, however if we are unable to reach an agreement, a judge will decide any remaining matters for us on that date. As I understand the topic we have not agreed upon is the sharing of the kids birthday time."

BM has not responded, but he then also sent a letter to his lawyer explaining the whole thing and asked to set a hearing.

What are your alls thoughts for this??

I'll supply further information if it helps.

Thing is if you give into her

Thing is if you give into her demand she HAS to have the skids EVERY single birthday, where do you draw the line?!!

Sadly for us, my DH has no parenting rights to his son seeing as in the UK if a child was born prior to the early 2000's the only way a male automatically got parenting rights to that child was if you were married to the mother. My DH was named on the birth cert, but in the eyes of our law he is liable financially for his son (rightly so) but has no rights. Would have cost him a pretty penny to get those rights, money he does not have, and his ex always refused to give him those rights as the father was quite happy to continue with her demands! Oh and she also refused him birthday contact, father's day contact (he would spend the day with his Daddy x - his SF - at BM's insistence), Christmas eve contact, Christmas Day contact, Boxing day contact (unless it was convenient for her and her husband), Halloween contact, Guy Fawkes night (a large celebratory evening here in the UK), Easter day contact, Shrove Tuesday contact. So every holiday possible and instead would regularly leave ss with his SF if she was busy - nothing DH could do except spend thousands to drag her to court and for her to be permitted to make excuses to block contact. As after all our court system would not punish her, and what was going to stop her?!! DH again could not afford this.

Shitty system we have in this world, where in some instances one parent gets to act like a pious, spiteful gatekeeper to the children in an attempt to their destroy their ex and in our case my BM was not content with just that. DH was not permitted to marry, have any other priorities, improve his life, improve his home, go anywhere nice which would make her jealous. To sum up, she wanted to destroy him and I truly believe she would have and in the end she would have used their child to achieve this.

I say good luck to the OP's OH!

I just looked at DHs divorce

I just looked at DHs divorce decree regarding SS's birthday....it says the other parent gets him 6-8pm so two hours...I don't know how it would turn out for y'all but to me its not wort having a pissing match over 2 hours.

This past year we had a small early birthday dinner for SS and even though BM had SS and didn't have to surrender him as DH was gone she still didn't celebrate his birthday on the actual day.

I guess I don't take much credit in birthdays since DH works offshore but also because if a child's birthday is a weekday most likely nothing will be done until a surrounding weekend.

Ok, I guess I do need a few

Ok, I guess I do need a few more specifics, HE ALREADY DID GIVE INTO HER AND SHE DEMANDED MORE

At first BM wanted every evening before the kid's birthday, and HE GAVE IT TO HER,
Then she changed her mind and wanted every other year, and HE GAVE IT TO HER,
THEN SHE WANTED THIS

I'll quote what she wanted:(SHE WROTE THIS!)

The parties agree the secondary custodial parent(BM) shall pick up the child having a birthday from school at 3:30 p.m. on the evening of the child’s birthday and shall take the child to school the next day or return the child to the primary custodial parent(BF) at 8 a.m. on the following day if there is no school. If the child's birthday falls on a weekend the secondary custodial parent(BM) shall pick up the child from the primary custodial parent's(BF's) home at 3:30 p.m. and shall take the child to school the next day or return the child to the primary custodial parent(BF) at 8 a.m. on the following day if there is no school. If the other siblings wish to accompany their sibling for his or her birthday with the secondary custodial parent they may do so as they wish.
If you still insist on splitting their birthdays, I have a few ideas that would make it more fair to the kids and I both.

THEN SHE NEVER RESPONDED TO HIM ASKING HER IDEAS FOR SPLITTING at least 4 times over a weeks period when she WAS responding to other issues involving the kids.

SO HE AGREED TO GIVE HER TIME EVERY SINGLE BIRTHDAY! Because this is the last freaking issue not resolved in the parenting agreement!

THEN AFTER HE AGREED she responded:

"I disagree with the birthday portion. If the childs birthday falls on a weekend I get to pick up that child and siblings if they so wish to join at 9 am. I am not giving in on this. "

THIS then made him send the final email:

So he had given in, and she is continuing to walk all over him,... so he believes he more than cooperated and his giving in on her has to come to a stop.

Then stop trying to negotiate

Then stop trying to negotiate period and tell her it is now the judges choice he is washing his hands.

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