Rattled after BM stopped by our house unannounced...
I'm taking deep breaths and calming down but I'm still rattled. BM just stopped by our house unannounced.
DH, SD10 and I have lived here for two years and this is the first time BM has come to our town, much less our home. She said she and her daughter were snowshoeing nearby and her daughter wanted to show her her room. That's totally fine. But BM's refusal to text or call before dropping by? Totally not fine. Just plain rude.
We gave BM a quick tour of our home and tried to normalize it for SD. Thankfully, I think SD thought everything was okay, and she seemed happy to show her mom where she lives half the time. Finally.
BM seemed to enjoy ambushing us. It would have been so easy for her to give us the common courtesy of a head's up. My husband has never dropped by BM's house announced. In fact, he has shown her the respect of giving her advance notice every time I'm going to be at a school event, etc. Her double standards are appalling.
I'm trying to keep it all in perspective and let it go, but right now, I'm upset that she literally intruded into our home.
I know it's probably
I know it's probably impossible for you to speculate since you don't know the whole story, but what do you think could motivate a visit after all this time?
One thing: my husband's alimony payments end in a few months ... but I can't figure out why seeing our home would matter when it comes to that?
Possibly. Although SD has
Possibly. Although SD has said to DH and me how she wishes her mom could see our home. I think the fact that we have to drive to her mom's town for drop off / pick up is starting to seem odd to her. DH toured BM's new home recently, when SD invited him to. With tons of advance notice, of course. No ambush.
Well, SD was excited and DH
Well, SD was excited and DH didn't want to make her feel weird. At first, BM sat in her car while SD came to the door and told DH, "I just wanted mom to see the front of the house!" It was awkward - and rude - for DH to invite SD in and leave BM outside, so DH minded his manners and invited her in. Again, he wanted to normalize it in front of SD. It won't happen again, though, DH has assured me of that.
Good point. DH said if it's
Good point. DH said if it's unannounced, he will calmly and firmly tell her it's not a good time since we weren't expecting anyone. Then he'll hear her out on the front porch.
It may not happen again - she lives two towns over and we meet in the town in between for drop off / pick up.
None of our ex's have ever
None of our ex's have ever been inside our home. I think that's weird. If my children were to ever ask my to go to my ex's home and see their room I'd probably tell her to take a picture. I don't know how I'd feel but I'm glad we never had to deal with that. (probably because my ex so vocally hates me and my children would never ask and BM can't get over her constant fake health issues to actually drive to our house. she's always fine in between husbands about dark time when her friends go out) ugh
I'm the one that got a gun
I'm the one that got a gun for Christmas. If BM ever set foot in my house I would have to use my one bullet.
Bet DH never thought about that when he got me that gun (a total surprise as I've never owned one). He loves BM and thinks she is perfect. All the more reason she needs killin'.
When DH and I got married he
When DH and I got married he the kids moved into my house. I let idiot twat monger come in and whatever, I would want to know where my kids were living etc. Well, 5 months after we got married SS10 ( then 6) got in trouble at school and DH called her to come over and discuss it with them. I was outside and when she left I noticed she had a stack of clothes... hmm, excuse me? When DH asked her about it she said they were "his" clothes and she didn't have time to shop with student teaching and all. WTF? He quickly explained she gets child support and has 5 days kid free to go shopping for stuff at her house.
Needless to say her visitation in my home came to a drastic hault. Fast forward 2 years later and SS13 ( 11 at the time) was in a hospital bed in my living room after 9 hours of surgery and 10 day hosptial stay. The surgery was on the books 7 months earlier and she decided to move 3 days after he got out of the hospital so both boys and my infant bs were all here with me. She showed up on morning and I took my son and went to my room. The nurse let her in and she didn't even bother to hug either of children. She made some smart comment about how is isn't allowed in my house. The nurse was like whatever you idiot. I couldn't deny SS from seeing his mom that would be punishing him and he has been punished enough by her poor choices.
I can see why you were freaked out by the whole ordeal. Hopefully, your SD is ok with it all and it made her life a little better.
That's incredible rude but
That's incredible rude but hopefully it won't happen again. If she shows up again just tell her that you're leaving in 30 seconds for the doctor and are late already. "Next time call ahead so I can adjust my schedule". Of course if its inconvenient to do so you'll have to postpone the visit. Maybe forever.
The flip side of this is the BM didn't feel she would have a axe handle taken to her if she appeared so apparently she feels comfortable in your presense and you in hers ignoring the rude behavoir. It could be a lot worse.
Totally agree that it could
Totally agree that it could be a lot worse. No axe handles, just adults acting (most of the time) like adults. For that I'm grateful. Mostly I'm surprised at how shaken my husband and I were....